Yolanda’s long-suffering email inbox, bless her heart, didn’t get much of a vacation over the long holiday weekend. In fact, poor lass took a real beatin’, flooded as she was with a deluge of messages from some slightly perturbed-sounding folks. About 45% of her emails fell under the general category of “How dare you imply so-and-so is gay!” and another 45% were variations of “How dare you imply so-and-so is straight!”. Then there were a couple cute “Go perform a sexual act on yourself, Yolanda” type love letters in there too. Ah, well. We can’t help it that we’re popular.
Buried under all that unrequited love was a message from a young lady who lives way out in the boondocks. You know where. The Valley! Zombieland itself. The edge of the world. Hidden Hills, CA.
No, really! We checked and she really does live there. No?! Yes! We were shocked, too. Apparently there are still a handful of Hidden Hills residents who don’t possess the “Jenner” or “Kardashian” surnames. We could’ve sworn that species was extinct. Seems they’re only critically endangered.
Anyway, Hidden Hills Henrietta — that’s what we choose to call the lovely young lady although we think she’s more of a Monica or Sabrina — somehow stumbled across our silly post discussing young Miss Kylie Jenner buying a $10 million compound in her neighborhood. Our gurl Ms. Henrietta said she enjoyed the story (thanks, Ms. H!) but also informed us that Miss Jenner is not the only compound-building starlet out there in those Hills of Hiding.
You see, Ms. Henrietta swears on a high heap of Hidden Hills horse hay that uni-monikered rapper Drake (real name: Aubrey Graham) also bought his neighbor’s house some time ago.
At first, Yolanda was a bit skeptical because we didn’t remember seeing any news stories about such a transaction. But a quick check of property records confirms Miss Henrietta’s story. The relatively modest house directly across the street from Drake’s infamous “YOLO estate” was sold way back in June of last year (2015) for $2,850,000 to a bizarrely-named LLC whose official agent just happens to be Drake’s longtime business manager. Coincidence? Oh no.
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A semi-circular driveway passes a very green front lawn in its journey to the front door of the mid-century ranch sprawler (property records say it was constructed in 1955). Listing information says the home is “fully renovated” with hardwood floors stained a trendy dark brown. The 4-bed, 5-bath structure also possesses “multiple fireplaces”, a “top of the line gourmet kitchen”, and “high ceilings”.
It appears to Yolanda that the non-celebrity sellers ripped out all of the home’s former wall-to-wall beige carpeting with the exception of a couple patches, like the one in the master’s walk-in closet. Wise choice, that tearing out.
Speaking of the master, it’s got a whitewashed pitched ceiling and direct access to the smallish master bath with its basic basin for washing, glassy shower, dark tile floors, and a private crapper in a wee corner behind the door.
Elsewhere there’s one of the uglier dining room sets we’ve encountered, a beige carpeted spare bedroom currently being used as an office, an eye-pleasingly oval-shaped pool, a pool house and an 800-square-foot guest house out back. Perfect for those (alleged!) sexytime romps with RiRi. Although we feel like these two are more the type to do it out in the open. Out by the pool, right? But then again, what do we know about anything — not a damn thing, that’s what.
The remaining amount of the property’s 1.6 acres of land is devoted to two fenced-off pastures, and according to the listing the place has plenty of space for horses. But honestly, Yolanda thinks the pastures would be better used for making some of those crazy chicks at his wild house parties sleep it off. Toss them out there and make them stay until they’ve rethought their life choices. Seriously!
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We asked Hidden Hills Henrietta if she had any idea why Mr. Drake purchased this little place, and she told us that Mr. Drake was actually dwelling there temporarily while some sort of renovation work was performed on his big compound. Yolanda finds it difficult to believe that Mr. Drake would bunk up in a house this modest even for a month, but that’s what she says and who are we to question another lady’s integrity, eh?
By now, y’all should be familiar with the wonderfully tacky YOLO estate, which has been the setting of dozens of wild parties, hundreds of SnapChat snaps, and countless Instagram pic winners. Blah blah blah. Mr. Drake slammed down $7,700,000 for the 2.92-acre complex back in 2012. Some of the many, many extravagant features include a pool with an 80-foot slide and grotto, standalone 25-seat movie theater, tennis court, sand volleyball court, stables and a (horse) riding ring.
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The rapper is also widely rumored to be building a massive mansion up in his native Canada. Back in September 2015, just months after buying his second Hidden Hills property, he laid out another $6,700,000 for a teardown on Park Lane Circle in the wealthy “Bridle Path” neighborhood of Toronto.
Mr. Drake (well, his people) submitted plans to the city requesting approval of a 21,000-square-foot faux-French behemoth with an indoor basketball court, indoor pool, indoor “jersey museum”, and a “security suite”.
You know, just the necessities.
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Anyway, we are fantastically excited that Ms. Henrietta reached out because Yolanda doesn’t know many folks out there at the edge of the world. You know, Calabasas area. We’ve got a few questions about a few properties out there and while we’ve got her, well, we’re gonna pump Ms. Henrietta for all the info she’s got!
Oh dear. We hope Ms. Henrietta knows we’re joking with this whole story. About everything except the house, of course. (She does!).
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Just one more thing — if you’re a hardcore Drake (or simply a hip-hop) fan, you may recall that he was featured on a rap hit called “Where Ya At“. One of his lines on the smash was “I’ll buy the neighbors’ house if they complain about the noise.” And yes, the song was released in July 2015, just a month after Drake closed on the little ranch place we just showed you.
Obviously it was no idle boast…