The real estate market may still be fiery hot in certain (many) areas of LA, but not everyone’s feelin’ the warmth. Folks are being left out in the cold — or even worse, getting burned. Take this genetically-blessed couple named Reinout & Danielle Oerlemans. They’ve been trying to unload their Hollywood Hills party mansion since, like, the dawn of time. Okay, it’s been two years, but still. That’s almost as long as they’ve owned it!
Yes, even though they’re hot and rich — and that certainly counts for something in superficial LA — they still can’t seem to snag a buyer. Alas.
Who are Mr. and Mrs. Oerlemans, you might wonder? Well, Yolanda is feeling magnanimous so we’ll tell you. Though the pair remain virtually unknown here in the U S of A, back in their native Nederland they are bonafide celebrities. Mr. Oerlemans is one of Holland’s most popular and best-known TV personalities. He initially rose to fame as the star of an uber-popular Dutch soap opera. Then he hosted the Dutch version of American Idol, and for several seasons hosted a popular Dutch talk show.
Mrs. Oerlemans (nee Danielle Overgaag) is, for her part, also famous across the pond. She’s a Dutch TV anchor/presenter who was once — of all things — a competive professional bicyclist. She even won a bronze medal at the World Championships. Oh, and she also sports nearly 56,000 followers on her Instawhack bullshiz, where she documents her adventures around town with famous friends like our favorite Goop gal Gwyneth Paltrow.
Mrs. Oerlemans may be best-known, however, for her three-year relationship with Lance Armstrong back in the mid-1990s. That was, of course, long before his epic fall from grace and also long before she hitched her sidecar to Mr. Oerlemans’ motorbike.
If you ask us, Mrs. Oerlemans made a good choice in picking Mr. Oerlemans over Mr. Armstrong. But that’s just Yolanda’s useless opinion so we’ll shut up.
Now then. Mr. & Mrs. Oerlemans currently own more than $40 million in luxury LA real estate. How do they do it, you might wonder? They do it because they’re enormously stinkin’ rich, that’s how. Mr. Oerlemans founded and built a TV production company called Eyeworks. Obviously Mr. Oerlemans has a head for business because the company grew to become one of the top 5 biggest independent production companies in the whole wide world.
In early 2014 — just months before they bought their Sunset Strip-adjacent house — Mr. & Mrs. Oerlemans sold Eyeworks to Warner Bros for an eyeball-poppin’ $273 million. So you see, y’all, the Oerlemanses can afford just about any house they want.
Back in 2014, the Oerlemanses (the parents and their four children) moved to America, where they quickly set up shop in a baller-style way by paying $19,000,000 (through an offshore company) for a big and newly-rebuilt house in an area of the Hollywood Hills that’s generally known as “above the Sunset Strip” for its proximity to that world-famous locale.
For what it’s worth, the same house was sold back in 2012 for $5 million and change to real estate baller Bruce Makowsky, who ripped it down to the studs and rebuilt it in a much more glam manner before flipping it to our favorite Dutch couple.
Note: Although the listing says the house is located in the Bird Streets (and it is adjacent to that high-priced neighborhood), as far as Yolanda knows the house is not technically within the boundaries of that particular aviary. (Sierra Mar is not the name of a bird, as far as we know).
Frankly, kiddies, Yolanda almost couldn’t believe it when Mr. and Mrs. Oerlemans bought this house. Sure they’re uber-rich. Sure they want luxury. But they’ve got four young children, y’all! This house is totally, totally wrong for a young family. There’s no yard. Little outdoor space of any kind. And it’s a three story modern house with hard surfaces everywhere. We thank the heavens one of their kids didn’t take a disastrous spill in this house. (or maybe they did, we don’t know).
Not only that, but the house is located above the Sunset Strip, which is a terrible place for raising a family. We’re not biased. Yolanda loves this area. But because we love it, we also know its faults. This neighborhood can get quite, well, raunchy. It’s the honest truth, so let’s be real. Mr. & Mrs. Oerlemans made a damn fool decision to buy and move into this house (which they did).
Don’t think we’re being too harsh on our photogenic pair, either. We’re sure Mr. & Mrs. Oerlemans would actually agree with Yolanda. And to their credit, it only took them a few weeks to come to their senses before they realized the house was all wrong wrong wrong. Within a couple months of moving in, they slapped a “for sale” sign back on the modern coke palace and went hunting for a better house.
Yolanda can’t help but feel it’s inevitable that Mr. Oerlemans & Ms. Overgaag will take a fat loss on the sale of this house, when all is said and done. The just-relisted asking price of $19,800,000 is only $800k more than the amount they paid for the property back in May 2014. And we rather feel that the couple originally overpaid for the house. Do we suspect several more pricechops are nigh? We do indeed. Good thing they’re loaded.
But we digress. Let’s dissect this property, which we lovingly refer to as Toilet House. Any guesses why?
In the Hollywood Hills, even homes with a hefty eight-figure pricetags sit hard up on the street. At least there are two four-car garages, because Yolanda happens to know that street parking in this tightly-packed neighborhood is also very limited. Thinking about hosting a big party at this house? Ya might wanna think again. The neighbors will just love you… not.
The house also sports exactly zero square feet of yard space. Well, at least you don’t need that pesky green Yard Wast trash barrel. And no need for a gardener, either.
It’s quite a climb. Three very tall stories. And no mention of an elevator in marketing materials. But hey, we’re talking about an athletic family here. Check out Mrs. Oerlemans’ mountain bike.
The kitchen has two enormous hairy weave monsters hanging from the ceiling. Seriously — we kept staring at that picture thinking they were about to open their eyes.
As you’d expect, everything in the house is modern and chic and ultra-high-end. Terrazzo floors, Thermador appliances, Caeserstone countertops, Tiffany dining table (who knew?!), Delfin swivel chairs, LED lighting, home theater, gym, full security system and home automation.
In the master bedroom, the flooring material switches to lustrous walnut. Both the bed and bathroom sport multiple skylights, and there is also “separate handbag and shoe closets”. For when the master suite becomes boring, there’s also a full outdoor deck with firepit and lounge-y furniture.
Some of the other guest/family suites. There are a total of 5 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms. Listing information does not disclose the home’s square footage, but public records put it at a big-but-not-massive 5,047 square feet.
For all the home’s fancy luxury features, the real selling point is the view. And the property certainly delivers in that regard. But is that view — spectacular as it may be — really worth $19.8 million? That’s for y’all — any potential buyers out there — to decide.
Now listen up, all Yolanda’s realtor friends. This house has been deemed unsellable by some negative Nancys (one of them being Yolanda) so we’re pitching in our less-than-two-cents-worth of an opinion to help move it off the shelf. A property like this will take a very specific client. A client without a young family. Yolanda expressly forbids y’all from selling this place to a family. The location is all wrong. The house is all wrong. Just no.
We see a rich, young (or young at heart), single person buying this house. We suppose it could also be purchased by a child-free couple — but ideally it would go to a single sick-rich human.
A tech tycoon? A vegan food entrepreneur? An heiress to a machine gun fortune? An heiress to a press-on nails fortune?
Hmmm. Maybe not an heiress. Let’s face it, this house looks more like a guy’s than a gal’s. Is that sexist of Yolanda? We apologize. But it just reminds us of a frat boy’s wet dream bachelor pad.
The house, by the way, has been vacant for the last year or more. The Overgaag-Oerlemans family have long since moved on to a much bigger and much more family-friendly mega-mansion over in the ultra-hoity-toity Lower Bel Air neighborhood. The couple slammed down a very serious $21,440,000 for the property in June 2015.
The Bel Air casa, which weighs in at a whopping 18,316-square-feet, has 8 bedrooms and 11 liberally-gilded bathrooms on a 1.58-acre lot. A very private lot at the end of a cul-de-sac that happens to back up to the Bel Air Country Club, in fact. And look — it’s got plenty of space for the kiddies to safely romp. Indoors and out. We may not love the house, but we certainly salute Mr. & Mrs. Overgaag for upgrading to a much more appropriate property and location.
Anywho. Yolanda would like to know your bets on what their Sunset Strip spot will finally go for. $15 million? More? Less?
Now then. We hope our beloved Rabbi Hedda won’t accuse us of blasphemy, but we’d like to say a little prayer to the real estate gods. “May the gracious Lord relieve Mr. and Mrs. Oerlemans of this burden,” we whisper.
“And let the Toilet House go to someone who will appreciate the low-maintenance .47-acre sloped grounds. Amen.”
Listing agents: Branden & Rayni Williams, Hilton & Hyland