Yolanda does not discuss the gorgeous communities of Hancock Park and Windsor Square nearly as often as we should. Oh dear. Attempts will be made to rectify that in the weeks ahead — but for today, we have have selected a lavish old Roaring Twenties mansion to feature up in here.

Built in 1923 (to be precise), the Italian Renaissance Revival-style structure was — per the listing — once owned by Frank Sennes, a Las Vegas businessman who purchased Hollywood’s Earl Carroll Theater and transformed it into the Moulin Rouge nightclub. During its heyday in the mid-1950s, the Moulin Rouge attracted some serious star wattage in the form of performances from Peggy Lee, Ella Fitzgerald, Billy Daniels, Dean Martin, Dennis Day, the Mills Brothers, Anna Marie Alberghitti, Frankie Laine, Johnny Ray, and even Liberace. Another Moulin Rouge regular was Frank Sinatra, who (reportedly) was also a regular party guest at Mr. Sennes’ Hancock Park home.

Anyway, the house eventually came to be owned by a not-famous couple, who held onto the property for decades. Finally, after about five years on and off the market at ever-declining asking prices, those folks finally unloaded it last December (2017). for $6,075,000 to a blind trust.

Within a couple weeks of closing on the massive property, the mysterious new owner had surrounded the house with an ugly green construction fence. Major work began inside and out. And while it took Yolanda a few months to piece this puzzle together, we eventually discovered the buyer’s identity: prolific horror film producer extraordinaire Jason Blum. (Paranormal Activity, The Purge, Sinister, Insidious).

Kinda interesting, right? But then, as we were preparing to write about this story, Yolanda noticed something odd. In March (2018) — just three months after purchasing the estate — Mr. Blum very quietly sold the whole big shebang in an off-market deal. The sale price was $6,075,000, exactly what he had paid three months prior. The buyer was prolific landscape architect Jay Griffith.

Now, y’all might look at this flip and say that Mr. Blum broke even. And maybe he did. On paper, at least. But as everyone who has ever purchased a house knows, there are tons of additional transaction costs besides just the sale price. Real estate agent commissions, escrow fees, inspections, closing costs, on and on it goes. Just the agent costs on a $6 million house could be $300,000, y’all. So Mr. Blum definitely lost a substantial amount of money here.

Why Mr. Blum would spend more than $6 million to purchase a huge property and begin major construction, only to sell the place three months later at a loss of several hundred thousand smackers is a locked-up mystery for which we do not hold the key. Mr. Blum has not yet returned any of Yolanda’s multiple phone calls and text messages. Come on, baby. Tick tock. For now, we have to assume that something made Mr. Blum suddenly change his mind.

What was it? A old woman’s silhouette in one of the attic windows? A sickening moan from behind the basement door? Did Brenda from Scary Movie waltz into this place and start announcing spoilers to Mr. Blum’s films?

Or maybe we are looking at this all wrong. Our Mr. Blum is today’s biggest horror film producer, after all. Maybe Mr. Blum did not find any ghosts or ghouls. Could the sinister spirits he was hoping to encounter have eluded him here? Perhaps he opened up the walls to his new home and found — nothing!

The ornate 7,118-square-foot mansion sits on Rossmore Avenue, aka the freeway of Hancock Park. Yolanda hates this street, y’all (but we love the houses). Thousands of cars cruise by Mr. Blum’s former pad every day. Just backing outta your damn driveway can be a challenge. At least the double-lot is definitely estate-sized — nearly one flat acre — and backs up to the greens of the exclusive Wilshire Country Club.

A browse through the listing photos from the time of Mr. Blum’s purchase reveals that while the property has been reasonably maintained over the past 95 years, it is definitely in need of some updates and upgrades. The front driveway is cracked, the landscaping is scruffy, and the interiors look a bit stuffy.

A formal entryway leads to a grand chandelier and a regal staircase. Most of the public rooms have lustrous hardwood floors, and many old-school architectural details appear to be intact. A massive stainless fridge hilariously contrasts with the kitchen’s other dated appliances.

There are 5 beds and 7 baths on the property. An upstairs master suite features a couple of strangely placed gilded columns, a fireplace, sitting area, and a bathroom with a built-in soaking tub. Also upstairs is a narrow staircase leading to a large attic area. The listing notes this room could be used as a home office, studio, or for storage.

The pool house/cabana, with its living room and full web bar, looks in need of a full restoration.

The backyard features a heated swimming pool, a hot tub, a sports court, and “endless golf course views”. Yolanda personally thinks the whole space would look much better if that pool house/cabana thing were demolished (or at least majorly reconfigured) but that is just us.

For loads more photos and a 3D tour of the property, go here.

Our Mr. Blum has been married to his wife Lauren Schuker since 2012. The couple have a young daughter, Roxy. The family currently resides in Downtown LA — specifically in the ritzy Ritz Carlton condo residences at LA Live. Records show they coughed up a fat $6,700,000 for their high-floor pad back in 2016.

The unit was purchased from retired entertainment reporter Mary Hart — she is the blonde lady who sits behind home plate at every Dodgers game — and her rich-rich-rich hubby Burt Sugarman.

Records show that the Hart-Sugarmans made a killing on the unit when they sold it to the Blum family — they had owned the condo for less than three years and bought it for just $3,500,000. That’s a $3.2 million profit before ancillary costs!

Anyway, just because Mr. Blum changed his mind about living in today’s house does not mean that he has also changed his mind about living in Hancock Park. Yolanda hears through the real estate gossip grapevine that our boy has been shopping for another spooky mansion in the area. And, in fact, whispers say he may or may not be quietly in escrow on something in the neighborhood.

Stay tuned.

Listing agent (sale to Jason Blum): John Duerler, Hancock Homes Realty
Jason Blum’s agent: Eric Lavey, The Agency

A couple days ago, the Wall Street Journal revealed that the secretive buyer who paid exactly $50 million this April (2018) for Sting’s New York City duplex penthouse in the fabled 15 Central Park West tower is none other than our very own Karen Lo, one of LA’s biggest real estate whales.

Yolanda has previously written multiple stories about Ms. Lo’s inordinately lavish spending, but we thought this splurge was deserving of yet another discussion. Both because we do not chat about NYC nearly as often as we should, and also because Ms. Lo has now spent more than $200 million on luxury residences from coast to coast. In less than two years, y’all. That is a very big deal!

If anyone would like to read more about Ms. Lo’s background, we suggest you visit one of our previous stories on the subject. For now, suffice to say she hails from Hong Kong and is a billionaire heiress to Vitasoy, one of Asia’s largest beverage empires. The company was founded by her paternal grandfather, and has made her family one of the richest in the territory.

In addition to whatever share of the Vitasoy fortune she controls, Ms. Lo is also indirectly related to the Stanley Ho clan, the wealthiest billionaire Hong Kong family of them all. Her sister Sharen has long been married to Lawrence, Mr. Ho’s son and heir apparent.

Anyway, it seems that Ms. Lo has scarcely ever met a luxury residential property that she has not wanted to buy and perhaps marry deep in international waters. Seriously, we can barely wrap our minds around the amount of money this lady has spent on real estate. For the moment, take a glance at her new $50 million Manhattan apartment.

The Robert A.M. Stern-designed 15 Central Park West building began construction in 2005 and was completed in 2008. It appears to Yolanda that Sting — one of the world’s best-selling musicians, if y’all did not already know — and his longtime wife Trudie Styler nearly doubled their money on this apartment before renovation fees. Records show they purchased the duplex directly from the building’s developers in 2008 for just a hair under $27 million. The couple then hired the SheltonMindel architecture firm to combine the two separate units into one mansion on the sky.

The result of SheltonMindel’s efforts is a “futuristic-meets-classic” apartment with 3 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms, an enormous (for NYC) kitchen with marble countertops and top-of-the-line appliances that include four ovens, three dishwashers, and two refrigerators.

Mr. & Mrs. Sting also gave the apartment a whole bunch of custom finishes like French doors, an open gas fireplace inspired by the Fibonacci spiral, a custom curved “main” staircase, and an oddball spiral “service” staircase in the damn kitchen. There is a comfy-looking library/study, and a 400-foot terrace overlooks the sea of green that is Central Park.

The master bedroom includes birds-eye Central Park views, and the master suite also sports his-and-hers dressing rooms, dual spa-style baths, and an enormous walk-in sauna.

Since its completion, 15 Central Park West has remained one of NYC’s most desirable apartment buildings. As such, Ms. Lo’s new neighbors include a whole bunch of high-profile folks: actor Denzel Washington, Russian heiress Ekaterina Rybolovleva, hedgie billionaire Daniel Loeb, Garmin billionaire Min Kao, clothing guru Elie Tahari, and tech entrepreneur Omid Kordestani.

Residents at the posh Upper West Side tower enjoy a wide array of white-glove service and amenities that include 24/7 concierge, a private 14,000-square-foot fitness center with a 75-foot indoor pool, a private parking garage, screening room, private restaurant, wine rooms, a library, children’s playroom, and much more.

As for Sting, he and the missus are reportedly in the process of acquiring an even larger unit in NYC’s hedonistic new 220 Central Park South building (also designed by Robert A.M. Stern). In the meantime, the couple are renting an austere apartment at a Zaha Hadid-designed edifice in the pricey Chelsea district of Manhattan.

Speaking of Chelsea, the $50 million 15CPW spread she just bought from Sting is not Ms. Lo’s only Manhattan residence. In late 2016, she coughed up $29,300,000 for two adjacent units in Chelsea’s hot new 551W21 building. According to The Real Deal, Ms. Lo then spent another $150,000 or so to combine the two units before attempting to flip them earlier this year for $36,500,000.

The 8,350-square-foot condo is absolutely massive for NYC and includes an epic 82-foot “grand room” with views of the Hudson River and downtown Manhattan. There are 7 beds and 8 baths (including at least one bathroom with radiant-heated floors), a library, a main kitchen and a “midnight kitchen”, whatever that is.

Although the mansion-sized condo has been on the market for a couple months, it does not yet appear to be under contract.

When she is in LA, our Ms. Lo resides in one of the area’s most epic estates: a $70 million Malibu compound. Records show she acquired the property last March (2017) in a totally off-market deal. At the time of her purchase, it was the second-biggest sale ever recorded in the city. Now, however, it has slipped from second to fifth in the rankings. Funny what a difference a year can make, eh?

Ms. Lo also presides over a $36 million, two-house compound on super-swanky South Mapleton Drive in LA’s prized Holmby Hills neighborhood. She acquired the first house last April (2017) for $18,800,000 and the next-door property in September (2017) for $17,250,000. The latter property was long owned by the late Hugh Hefner, who used it as his “Playboy bunny hutch“. (It was basically like a guest house for all those voluptuous Playboy playmates).

Anyway, Yolanda expects that both the Holmby Hills homes have upcoming appointments with the residential Grim Reaper (a bulldozer).

Wait, there’s more. In November 2017, Ms. Lo coughed up another $17,650,000 for 1.37 acres of vacant land in prime East Gate Bel Air. This estate was once the site of Bob Newhart’s mansion, which he sold in 2016 for $14.5 million to developer Robert Quigg.

The naughty Mr. Quigg quickly razed the mansion — allegedly without the proper permits — and then skipped town with his mistress, leaving behind a trail of debts and angry creditors. The estate was then sold by a bankruptcy court to Ms. Lo in an all-cash deal.

Naturally, Yolanda does not know what our gurl’s intentions are for the property, but we can tell y’all that this dirt is so close to Beyoncé & Jay-Z’s $88 million mega-compound that Ms. Lo could practically reach out and touch their mansion from her land.

All told, Ms. Lo has spent a mind-boggling $202,900,000 on luxury US real estate coast-to-coast over the past 1.5 years. Whether her spending spree culminated with Sting’s penthouse purchase or whether she is planning more acquisitions is yet to be foretold. But in any case, we are quite certain that we have not heard the last from her — not by a long shot.

Listing agents: Suzun Bennet, Sotheby’s International Realty; Deborah Kern, Corcoran
Karen Lo’s agent: Erin Aries, Christie’s International Real Estate

A very quiet off-market deal went down a couple weeks ago in Beverly Park, the most expensive and most famous (or infamous, perhaps) guard-gated community in the Los Angeles area. The sale price was exactly $25 million, which is a big deal by any standards. And since Yolanda knows all you crazies love reading about the big B.P., we figured a discussion about the transaction was mandatory.

Since the property was never on the MLS, Yolanda unfortunately has no pics and few details to share with y’all. Records, however, reveal that the 14,061-square-foot beast was built in 1995 by a family member of the legendarily corrupt Suharto, the former president of Indonesia. Although Yolanda cannot prove it, we think the family member in question may have been his son Bambang Trihatmodjo, a longtime fan of Beverly Park.

The Tuscan-style estate sits on a generous 3.63-acre lot and features a gated driveway that leads to the “main” motorcourt. There is also a secondary “service” motorcourt that sits around the north side of the house — this is also where the six-car garage is located. The backyard is clearly resort-influenced with its grassy lawns shaded by multiple mature palm trees, a large swimming pool with not one but two attached spas, and a full-size north/south tennis court. Between the court and pool is a single-story guest/pool house of unknown square footage.

In August 1999, the Beverly Park estate was sold for $12,000,000 to one of the lowest-profile couples in the community: James & Janis Burroughs. We know very little about the Burroughses, except that Mr. Burroughs supposedly comes from old family money. The couple lived quietly in the enclave for nearly two decades, during which time they raised their several children.

In April 2018, the empty nesters sold the high-maintenance spread for the aforementioned $25,000,000. Unexpectedly, the buyers are another very low-profile American couple: Robert (“Bob”) & Miryam Knutson, who hail from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. That is relatively unusual for Beverly Park, where the majority of residents are either famous Hollywood folks or foreign businesspeople.

Anyway, Mr. & Mrs. Knutson are both former executives at Education Management Corporation (EDMC), a publicly-traded firm with 23,000 employees. EDMC is one of the largest for-profit operators of secondary schools and colleges in the US.

EDMC was founded in 1962, and Mr. Knutson joined the firm in 1969. Mrs. Knutson would follow him in 1984. The couple were soon married, and by 1989 Mr. Knutson had been appointed Chairman and CEO. Mrs. Knutson served as President and COO.

The Knutsons guided EDMC through decades of steady growth, during which the company acquired several art institutes and small secondary college chains. In 1996, the company went public. Then in 2006, the company went private again when it was majority acquired for $3.4 billion by Goldman Sachs, at which point the Knutsons retired from the firm. The couple made at least $132 million by selling EDMC stock. Since then, they have split their time among four major estates across the country: one in Ligonier, Pennsylvania; one in Durango, Colorado; one in Boca Grande, Florida; and one in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

So why would the Knutsons — both of whom are in their 70s — suddenly decide to throw down the big bucks in Beverly Park? A couple weeks ago, Miryam Knutson gave an interview to Bloomberg, where she explained everything. Apparently Mr. Knutson has been ailing, and as such the couple are permanently relocating to LA. Maybe all the best doctors are here?

Anyway, It seems they want to spend the twilight years of their lives in Beverly Park, y’all. As such, they are selling all four of their other high-maintenance estates to “downsize” to the big B.P. Even rich elderly folks have to make concessions.

Let us take a look at the four homes the Knutsons would like to sell, shall we?

The Knutsons’ home in Pennsylvania is a 198-acre mammoth compound situated in the bucolic township of Ligonier, about an hours’ drive southeast of Pittsburgh. According to the listing, the baronial spread features a main stone mansion of unknown square footage, a “guest cottage”, staff housing, storage barns, several fishing ponds, formal gardens and hunting fields set into a sea of rolling hills and forest land.

The Knutsons are asking $7,500,000 for the Pennsylvania compound, which a cavernous library, lavish formal spaces, a kitchen with high-grade appliances and a deadly pot rack, and much more.

Also in the couple’s property portfolio is a 36-acre resort spread in Durango, Colorado, near the New Mexico border. Records indicate they purchased this estate in 2010 for $4,575,000 and photos from the time of their purchase show that the sprawling compound fronts the Animas River and includes a 6,000-square-foot main house, a 1,200-square-foot guest house, a detached 5-car garage, extensive horse pastures, rolling lawns, ponds, and extraordinarily scenic views.

This Durango spread appears to be the only estate in the Knutsons’ portfolio that is not currently available for sale on the open market, though based on Mrs. Knutson’s comments Yolanda assumes a listing will soon be forthcoming.

Meanwhile — down in Boca Grande, Florida, the Knutsons are asking $13,500,000 for their oceanfront mansion on Gasparilla Island. The three-story structure sits on 1.5 acres of tropical landscaping and features 7 beds and 7.5 baths (including not one but two master suites) in 7,500-square-feet of living space. An elevator services all three levels, and the estate additionally includes a heated swimming pool/ spa, outdoor al fresco dining spaces, a private boat dock w/ lift, and an emergency backup generator.

From our examination of property records, it appears to Yolanda that the Knutsons custom-built this compound in 2006. So for any of y’all rich kiddies who want to live in a luxurious mansion on a tropical Florida island near the Gulf of Mexico, here is your chance.

The Knutsons’ estates in Pennsylvania, Colorado, and Florida are all impressive, to be sure. However, it appears that their favorite home is actually their historic Santa Fe, New Mexico compound. According to Mrs. Knutson, the spread was built in 1930 for John Dempsey, a former governor of New Mexico.

Mr. Dempsey eventually sold the Pueblo Revival-style estate to a Weyerhaeuser timber heiress. From there, the estate passed through two more owners and eventually came to be owned by an heiress to the Martini & Rossi Italian beverage fortune. According to Mrs. Knutson, this heiress was lax at maintaining the huge spread and allowed it to fall into dilapidated conditions.

The Knutsons paid said heiress about $3.5 million for the 11.3-acre spread in 2004, then spent four years — and according to them, an eye-popping $18 million — to restore and upgrade every nook and cranny of the massive compound. Per Mrs. Knutson, the house includes 64 different types of windows, each of which had to be special-ordered and installed by a craftsman.

The spread is currently available for sale with an $11,500,000 asking price, which means the Knutsons are facing a whopping $10 million loss on the estate, even in the event of a full-price sales. Our Mrs. Knutson openly acknowledges this, but says that “we weren’t planning on selling it… ever.”

Anyway, the Knutsons are major Santa Fe social fixtures, and as such the mansion has hosted numerous fundraisers and events for the community and Santa Fe Opera. The compound includes a six-bedroom main house and three guest houses, each with their own kitchen and bedrooms and bathrooms. The pool and traditional clay tennis court were added by Mr. and Mrs. Knutson during their renovation. There are also extensive gardens and a long gated driveway, and the estate has its own eco-friendly irrigation system in the form of three underground 50,000-gallon catchment tanks.

One of Mr. & Mrs. Knutson’s Santa Fe neighbors is fashion mogul Tom Ford, who listed his epic ranch for sale a few years ago with a ballsy ask of $75 million. Apparently Mr. Ford’s spread is none too popular with the locals. Oh dear! But we digress.

Speaking of neighbors, the Knutsons have a bunch of famous ones in their new Beverly Park neighborhood. Some of the celebrity folks they could ostensibly borrow sugar from include Marky Mark Wahlberg (he’s right next door), Denzel Washington, Steve Harvey, Eddie Murphy, Samuel L. Jackson, Magic Johnson, Kimora Lee Simmons, Sylvester Stallone, Rod Stewart, Jami Gertz, and Dr. Simon Ourian.

Also in the neighborhood are a whole bunch of billionaires: Steven Udvar-Hazy (he is also right next door), Haim Saban, Alec & Tom Gores, Peter Sondakh, Sumner Redstone, Russ Weiner, Bruce Makowsky, Neil Kadisha & Dora Nazarian, Eduard Ogay, Edward Glazer, several Saudi princes, and currently imprisoned Russian gangster Alexander Sabadash.

Now then: before we jet off, we must call out the fact that there are at least two Beverly Park mansions currently saddled with price tags in excess of $40 million. But of the six most recent sales in Beverly Park, five have gone down in the 25 to 27 million dollar range, suggesting that certain homeowners may need to adjust their expectations.

–$26,730,000: 27 Beverly Park, sold to Indonesian property developer Tommy Silfanus
–$26,500,000: 44 Beverly Park, sold to apparel mogul Yongbin Luo
–$25,515,000: 46 Beverly Park, sold to Canadian construction heir Cody Leibel
–$25,000,000: 25 Beverly Park, sold to Kimora Lee Simmons
–$25,000,000: 70 Beverly Park, sold to Mr. & Mrs. Knutson

The one anomaly was 40 Beverly Park, which traded hands for $32,000,000. But while most Beverly Park homes were built in the 1990s, that property is significantly newer (built 2008) and significantly larger (22,000+ square feet of living space) than most mansions in the enclave.

There is also the 20,000-square-foot mansion at 78 Beverly Park, which was sold by Tom Gores to a developer in 2016 for $40 million and then repurchased by Mr. Gores in 207 for $38 million. However, y’all, both of those transactions were non-standard, non-cash sales that came about via the same complex agreement and really have no bearing on neighborhood comps. We will not get into all that foolishness here — we digress.

To wrap things up, it seems as though the Knutsons have some major renovations planned for their new $25 million Beverly Park estate. That may be surprising, given that the couple are retired senior citizens. But then again, how many senior citizens do y’all know that can afford a $25 million retirement home?

Listing agent (Santa Fe): Stephanie Duran, Barker Realty – Christie’s International Real Estate
Listing agent (Ligonier): Annette Ganassi, Howard Hanna Ligonier Office 
Listing agent (Boca Grande): Carol Stewart, Michael Saunders & Co.

According to the Wall Street Journal, the hulking Bel Air beast known as Le Belvedere has sold for a hefty $56,000,000. The buyer, also according to the Journal (and records), is an entity managed by one Max Fowles-Pazdro, an LA resident and property investor.

The 35,000-square-foot mega-mega-mansion was built in 2007 by controversial developer Mohamed Hadid, a very wealthy and social fellow who can frequently be spotted wandering the mean streets of Beverly Hills. He is also, of course, the father of current It-Girls Gigi and Bella Hadid.

Before discussing the appearance of this house/hotel, a wee note. Although the estate allegedly “sold” in 2010 for $50 million — and indeed, public records do show an ownership transfer — Yolanda and most of the real estate people we know believe that transaction was somehow shady. And while we do not have any proof of this, kiddies, our womanly intuition tells us that Mr. Hadid either sold the house to himself or to a business associate and/or company he controls.

But whatever the actual story, Mr. Hadid has continued living in the home in the eight years since 2010. During that time, he has hosted lavish soirees at the property, and has even had it filmed multiple times on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the reality TV show where he occasionally pops up as a guest.

Located in prime East Gate Bel Air, the palatial spread is meant to invoke a French Provincial castle or some such thing. In actuality, Yolanda thinks it looks rather gauche and far too much like a swollen suburban McMansion on steroids. Pardon our insolence, y’all, but were it one-third its actual size, this place would look right at home in Arcadia or Calabasas. (No shade at either of those fine cities).

Unfortunately, Yolanda also has another bone to pick with this poor house. In addition to the questionable architecture, the sheer size is a bit off-putting to your gurl. Yes, we realize it was intended to be humongous — and to wow onlookers. And Yolanda has nothing against huge houses, in principle. But we feel that a mega-mansion — particularly a mega-mansion built in a quasi-retro style like this one — should have at least a few acres of grounds for proper landscaping. This one does not, and Yolanda feels that the residence itself rather overwhelms the 2.2-acre property.

Yolanda realizes that we are not the target demographic for this estate, of course, and as such our opinion matters very little. This place was designed to impress guests and to serve as an everlasting reminder to the world of how very rich its owner is. In that regard, it succeeds admirably.

Le Belvedere‘s interior is every bit as deliciously overwrought as you might expect, and surely will be the source of endless nightmares for any minimalist-minded individual. Some of the wilder home features include a screening room with a handpainted mural on the ceiling and more gold leaf than Marie Antoinette could ever afford, a ballroom, 14 fireplaces, an elevator, a “Moroccan inspired room”, and a Turkish bath.

Predictably, there are two luridly opulent master suites, each with a fireplace, sitting area, and built-in bathtub fit for royalty. (But what is with the damn fruit bowls everywhere? Are rich folks really looking to eat a meal while soakin’ in the tub? Yuck!)

Speaking of royalty, there are two epic mega-mansions directly next door to Le Belvedere, both of which appear to be even larger than our gurl. Both are owned by Saudi Prince Muhammed bin Fahd (one he custom-built himself, the other was inherited from his daddy, the late King Fahd).

Other nearby neighbors include obscenely rich folks like Liongate estate owners Jim & Eleanor Randall, prominent society fixtures David & Angella Nazarian, British businessman Fereydoon “Freddy” Mossanen, and Asia-based hedge fund manager Carl Huttenlocher.

Anyway, a quick skim through records reveals that this is not the only LA property owned by Le Belvedere‘s new owner, our Mr. Fowles-Pazdro. Almost exactly one year ago — in May 2017 — he paid $27,000,000 for a 2.18-acre spread in the proverbial heart of the nearby Holmby Hills neighborhood.

Although that abode currently contains a 6,500-square-foot home with a tennis court, it was understandably marketed as a teardown.

We profess to know very little about our Mr. Fowles-Pazdro’s background, other than he was raised in Europe and has a wife named Parisa. But we would like to know more. Like, say, where does a guy in his 30s gets $83 million for two high-maintenance luxury estates?! That is a very large sum of money!

Unfortunately, there are very few clues about Mr. Fowles-Pazdro on the interwebs. A 2012 report identified him as a Vice President of Evoq Properties, a downtown LA real estate developer. (Hmm. Maybe he is investing on behalf of someone else?) We also do not know whether Mr. Fowles-Pazdro plans to actually live in Le Belvedere, or whether he plans to alter it in some fashion and flip it to another buyer. But time will tell.

Yet another unknown at this point is where Mr. Hadid plans to relocate. However, we highly doubt he will be moving into his other Bel Air home — the unfinished “Starship Enterprise on the hill“, as his neighbors have not-so-fondly christened it.

Listing agents: Joyce Rey, Coldwell Banker, Stacy Gottula, The Agency
Max Fowles-Pazdro’s agents: Stephen Resnick and Jonathan Nash, Hilton & Hyland; David Parnes and James Harris, The Agency

A little birdie whispered to Yolanda (and records certainly appear to confirm) that famously hairy shock rock musician Rob Zombie has secretly shelled out more than $4.5 million — $4,535,000, to be exact — for his next door neighbor’s house. The property is located in a rather remote section of the Hollywood Hills, tucked in between Beverly Hills’ fiendishly fancy Trousdale Estates neighborhood and LA’s far more hippy-dippy Laurel Canyon area.

Longtime readers may recall that Yolanda tattled to the world about Mr. Zombie and his longtime wife Sheri Moon Zombie — and yes, those are indeed their legal names — throwing down $2,490,000 in April 2016 for their first Hollywood Hills house, a rather sinister blacked-out structure with an idiosyncratic folded-plate roofline.

Anyway, records show that Mr. Zombie purchased the house next door from two dudes named Alan Katz and Jerry Simmons. The couple had acquired the property way back in January 2007 for $3,850,000. Though originally built in 1957, the home has been majorly remodeled at least once in the past 20 years, and it now appears to be a contemporary-style mini-compound of some sort. There are a total of 3,335-square-feet of living space with 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms.

This was a totally off-market deal, of course, so Yolanda unfortunately does not have pics for y’all to ogle over. We apologize — but in lieu of new photos, here is a repost of pictures from their other house — the one they bought two years ago.

Goodness! Though this place is definitely not your gurl’s style, we have a feeling it would start to look really sexy after a couple stiff vodka-based drinks. It just seems like one of those spots, right? Is that just us?

Anyway, $4.5 million is a lot of money to spend on a neighbor’s house, especially in this particular neck of the woods. But Yolanda believes this acquisition is actually a very smart move by Mr. Zombie. You see, the two houses share one long, private driveway. And previously, Mr. Zombie’s house had no room for off-street parking. Now he can gate the driveway and he has heaps of space for vehicles on the .72-acre, totally private compound.

Our tabulations show the Zombies have now spent a grand total of $7,025,000 on their spooky, tree-shaded digs up in yonder hills. And yes, that is certainly a big price to pay. But finding a home that perfectly matches your personality — as Mr. Zombie’s appears to — well, that is priceless.

Apparently some folks are all in a tizzy that il Magione — one of the largest and most lavish mega-mansions located on LA’s arguably most prestigious street — has unexpectedly popped up for sale with a very serious $69,995,000 asking price. Calm down, people. These things happen! But naturally, Yolanda is eager for an excuse to mouth off about this place — to cast our own two cents into this wishing well. So here goes.

By the way, we say “unexpectedly” because the house was built on speculation and at great expense by prominent real estate developer Nile Niami. Our Mr. Niami — he is currently busy workin’ on his magnum opus, a Bel Air mega-mega-compound — completed and sold the house only four years ago to a man named Hasan Ismaik.

The 41-year-old Mr. Ismaik was formerly the CEO of Dubai-based real estate juggernaut Arabtec. In 2014 (the same year he bought this house, coincidentally), he was crowned the “world’s first Jordanian billionaire” by Forbes magazine. Whether he is still a billionaire, however, remains unclear. Shortly after the Forbes report was published, Arabtec went through a tumultuous period: shares plunged 50%, and Mr. Ismaik ultimately stepped down from the company. Whatever the case, he is still very rich.

We digress. Yolanda happens to know that Mr. Ismaik quickly moved into the property with his family — we recall he has at least one young daughter whose name is Laila or Lily or Nina or something like that. Anyway, it is a tad surprising and unexpected that the Ismaiks would opt to move out so soon, given that this house has “everything & more” (per the listing). Hmmm. Maybe they did not like LA? Maybe they are tired of stodgy ol’ Holmby Hills? Maybe they just want to make a profit? Maybe, maybe.

Speaking of profit, Mr. Ismaik is indeed looking at a fat one if he can unload this porker anywhere close to the ask. Records show he paid “just” $44,000,000 for the property in April 2014, and the current listing photos indicate he has altered almost nothing about the home, not even the furnishings.

So is this place actually worth $26 million more than what Mr. Ismaik paid only four years ago? What do y’all think? Certainly the mega-mansion market is still hot, and the estate features all the requisite gizmos and gadgets that any high-maintenance billionaire buyer could imagine.

Yolanda is not so sure about $70 million, however. The new-house sheen has kinda worn off by now, five years after completion. The wrinkles are incoming, and traces of botox will soon begin to show!

Then again, we never thought anyone would pay $100 million for that Playboy Mansion dump across the street, either. But then that happened!

We are quite certain that Mr. Ismaik feels like a billion bucks every time he drives home — his Holmby Hills mansion features one of the tallest and most imposing front gates we have ever seen. And there is an (occupied) guardhouse to ward off any intruders, though this  neighborhood is essentially crime-free. So the guard’s primary function is probably to shake his fist menacingly at any tour bus that dares to pause in front of Mr. Ismaik’s driveway.

There is also a separate staff/service driveway around the far side of the estate that accesses the two-bedroom guest house.

The 31,450-square-foot behemoth was completed by Mr. Niami in 2013 and features a five-car garage and three full floors of living space (one completely subterranean). An elevator accesses all three levels.

Though not particularly expansive (by Holmby Hills standards), Mr. Niami sought to maximize outdoor space on the 1.4-acre lot by equipping the backyard with a sprawling, emerald green lawn and a classic oval-shaped swimming pool tucked into the far rear of the property. Tall trees and sculpted hedges ensure the home remains completely private.

The jaw-dropping entryway features a staircase wide enough to accommodate an 18-wheeler (?), marble floors, and a two-story mirrored wall. Guests will no doubt be oohed and awed, though we imagine Consuela curses Mr. Ismaik’s name every time she hauls out the ladder to spray Windex on that bitch.

The mirror theme continues into the double-height living room, which features a marble fireplace anchored by a floor-to-ceiling mirror surround. Interior furnishings are by Fendi Casa — of course — and each couch looks more expensive than a new Toyota Camry (which they probably are). Check out those three black chandeliers!

The kitchen has two islands plus a bar area, all slathered in marble; the adjacent family room has convenient access to the backyard through a row of French doors. And though there is a library, the bookshelves are inexplicably filled with rows and rows of fake-looking white books. Why? Just for looks — not for reading? Ugh.

There are a total of 10 bedrooms and 12 bathrooms on the estate — the master has two separate sitting areas and his/hers bathrooms and closets. There is also a private home salon, for obvious reasons. When you are as rich as Mr. Ismaik, you do not go down to Supercuts for a trim — the hairdresser comes to you.

The most outrageous gimmicks, however, are saved for the basement. First is the movie theater, which can seat a lucky 13 peeps and includes one of the largest screens your gurl has ever seen in a private home. Then there is the indoor pool and sauna combo, which apparently features its own mood lighting. Groovy!

Unquestionably the wildest feature, however, is the basement operating room. Good heavens! What in the John Wayne Gacy is going on up in that hot mess?! No, don’t tell us — we absolutely do not want to know!

Other fun (?) features include a bowling alley, fully-equipped gym, outdoor kitchen, wine cellar, and a poolside cabana with built-in misters “to keep you cool from the Southern CA Sunshine,” per the listing. Now that is something Yolanda can definitely appreciate!

While we do not know if all these gadgets will be sufficient to tempt a buyer in the $60-70 million range, we do know that South Mapleton Drive — where this estate is located — is arguably the most prestigious street in all of Los Angeles. As such, Mr. Ismaik’s neighbors are a whole bunch of billionaires or near-billionaires from around the globe.

Some of the other S. Mapleton homeowners include Vitasoy heiress Karen Lo, Formula 1 heiress Petra Ecclestone Stunt, Duty Free heiress Alexandra von Furstenberg, construction heiress Kristin Tutor Eberts, Twinkie/Pabst beer heir Daren Metropoulos, Obama’s White House decorator Michael S. Smith, Google billionaire Eric Schmidt, Facebook billionaire Sean Parker, Beats baller Jimmy Iovine, iconic restaurateur Mr. Chow, acclaimed director Sir Ridley Scott, private equity pasha Justin Chang and his wife Amanda Brown (she wrote Legally Blonde, dontcha know?), vodka and music mogul Diddy (aka Sean Combs), former Paramount Pictures CEO Frank Mancuso Sr., big businessman Marc Nathanson, and hedge fund honcho David Kaplan.

Whew.

Listing agents: Branden & Rayni Williams, Hilton & Hyland

Last year, Yolanda briefly chatted about a successful haircare entrepreneur named Nikki Eslami. In case anyone cares about such things, Miss Eslami was the buyer who coughed up $3,150,000 for the Calabasas starter home of lip kit mogul-slash-social media queen Kylie Jenner.

Despite being only 30 years of age (or so?), Miss Eslami also had a multi-million-dollar starter house of her own to unload. Unlike the new house in the remote wilds of Calabasas, however, her old pad is located smack-dab in the middle of LA, literally just steps from bustling Melrose Avenue. Also unlike the house she bought from Miss Jenner — a typically suburban faux Spanish-villa McMansion sort of thing built in the 90s — her former home is an ultra-contemporary box that was only built in 2016. Records reveal Ms. Eslami paid $3.3 million for the spec-house in the final days of that year and sold it just six months later for $3,750,000.

We are not sure why Ms. Eslami changed up her location and architectural style so drastically. Was she intending to flip the LA pad all along? Did her tastes develop and change over the past couple years? Was she abducted by aliens and secretly replaced by a robot replica with a taste for fancy tract homes in suburbia? We may never know.

But all that is not why Yolanda is here today — we wanted to discuss Miss Eslami’s old house because it was purchased by the scion of a very powerful family — one of the wealthiest and most prominent in their state, actually. Although the buyer’s identity is shielded behind a mysterious corporate entity with a Las Vegas (NV) address, Yolanda happens to know it is a 23-year-old fella named Lorenzo Fertitta Jr.

Young Mr. Fertitta is a former college football player who is also the son of billionaire Lorenzo Fertitta Sr. and the nephew of billionaire Frank Fertitta III. His daddy and uncle are brotherly business partners who run and majority own Station Casinos in Vegas, the successful chain founded by their father, the late Frank Fertitta Jr. For those curious, grandpa Fertitta was the descendant of Italian immigrants to Texas. In the 1960s, he moved to Vegas and got his start in business, allegedly helped by his ties to organized crime. (However, there is no indication that the family business today is anything other than legitimate, and the Fertitta brothers are major philanthropists).

More famously, the Fertitta bros are also the guys behind Zuffa LLC, which — until recently — was the longtime owner of the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC). Zuffa paid a paltry $2 million in 2001 for the rights to the then-tarnished UFC name.

In 2016, Zuffa LLC sold the now-flourishing UFC business to talent agency WME for a dumbfounding $4.2 billion. Hot damn! Not a bad return on a $2m investment, are we right?

Keep in mind, y’all, that the Fertitta family were already billionaires prior to the WME acquisition. Essentially, in 2016, they went from being outrageously rich to unfathomably rich. Forbes says the brothers now sport a combined net worth of $4.8 billion or so. The Fertitta clan is now the second-richest family in Nevada — behind only the Sheldon Adelson clan.

Anyway, young Lorenzo Fertitta Jr. recently graduated from college and now toils as an analyst at Fertitta Capital, the private equity firm created by his family to manage their substantial assets. The firm is based in Los Angeles — hence why Mr. Fertitta needs a house here. Let’s discuss.

To be honest, kiddies, Yolanda is not sure which LA neighborhood this is. We would say it is West Hollywood, but actually it is a bit too far south to be within the WeHo city confines. It is also too far west to be Hancock Park and too far east to be Beverly Grove. According to Curbed’s map, the house is located in the rather ambiguous “Fairfax district”.

Hmmm. Let’s just say that this is a very walkable, central LA area — a quick skip to Melrose, and just a few blocks from The Grove.

The two-story contemporary features a front-facing two-car garage and sits on a narrow .17-acre lot — typical for this tightly-packed neighborhood. The 4,712-square-foot mini-mansion has a wee front yard area and party-ready backyard with a firepit, a raised negative-edge swimming pool/spa combo, and an outdoor shower (in case Mr. Fertitta feels like being an exhibitionist, we guess).

Like many of these blocky new-fangled contemporaries — Yolanda sees them all over in nearby WeHo — the first floor is one big, open room. The place is slathered in glazed porcelain flooring (a marble lookalike), and there is a dining table that can easily seat 12, a trendy “floating” staircase, and a kitchen equipped with state-of-the-art Miele appliances. Disappearing Fleetwood doors bring the outdoors inside and vice versa.

Though the house was originally built with four en-suite bedrooms, the fashionable Ms. Eslami spent a great deal of moolah to convert one into a walk-in shoe closet for her designer footwear. Thus, the residence now has just three bedrooms — two upstairs, and a maid/guest suite on the first floor. The master suite sports hardwood floors, a private balcony, and a bathroom outfitted with a oversized glass shower and a soaking tub. Unfortunately, the entire master bath is completely visible to anyone in the bedroom via a glass wall.

Yikes! Personally Yolanda has no desire to watch our significant other perform their personal ablutions, but that is just your gurl.

Now then — as y’all might expect of billionaires, the Fertitta fam owns the requisite fleet of private jets and even a superyacht. They also preside over a healthy portfolio of prime real estate. Our Mr. Fertitta’s daddy — that would be Lorenzo Fertitta Jr. — currently resides in a custom-built 13,417-square-foot mansion in an exclusive Las Vegas gated community. Probably not coincidentally, the house is right next door to a 15,299-square-foot custom-built mansion owned by his mother Victoria Fertitta, the widow of Frank Fertitta Jr.

It appears that Granny Fertitta’s house was built in Tuscan-esque style, while her son’s pad is a more general Meditteranean-ish pad. Both homes have grassy lawns, formal gardens, and rectangular swimming pools. However, Lorenzo Fertitta’s pad also sports a main gated driveway that leads to a formal motorcourt, plus a secondary driveway that contains not one but two additional motorcourts. There are garages that can accommodate at least six luxury vehicles, plus a sports court and what appears to be a skateboarding park of some sort.

Both Fertitta mansions front the exclusive Tournament Hills golf course in Summerlin, which happens to be the exact same golf course that Sheldon Adelson’s 43,000-square-foot monster mansion also fronts. In fact, the Fertittas’ homes are so close that they can probably see Mr. Adelson’s mega-pad from their respective backyards (and vice versa).

In June 2009, Frank Fertitta III coughed up a fat $28,000,000 for a mansion in Laguna Beach (CA). The oceanfront home is located within the exclusive, guard-gated Emerald Bay community and is only a couple doors down from a $35 million residence owned by LA Fitness CEO Louis Welch.

Apparently the Fertittas like to stick close together. Granny Fertitta (Victoria Fertitta) also owns a blufftop home in the very same Laguna Beach enclave. Although Yolanda cannot tell when exactly she acquired the property, it appears she has owned it for at least 20 years.

And we would be remiss if we failed to mention that Frank Fertitta III recently forked out a mind-bending $70 million for a triplex penthouse in Manhattan’s prestigious 520 Park Avenue building, designed by venerable architect Robert A.M. Stern. That price remains one of the biggest sums ever paid for a home in New York City.

Listing agent: April Lopez, The Agency
Lorenzo Fertitta Jr.’s agent: Michelle Graci, Rodeo Realty

After an arduous two-year slog on the market — during which time it underwent two changes of realtors and a significant price chop — realtor Elizabeth Halsted has the Pacific Palisades mansion of the late TV syndication tycoon Michael King in escrow to be sold, according to the online listing. And Yolanda hears from a spy named Jenerous Jenson that the deal is already done-done-done. The listing photos have been yanked off the MLS, and the sale will officially record sometime this week. Possibly even tomorrow — Thursday, 5/17.

Anyhoo, we know that the $38,000,000 asking price of this place might seem unexciting to some of our readers. Y’all have been jaded with our recent tales of $110 million compounds and such. Trust Yolanda, though, when she tells you this is a very big deal for the Palisades.  Should it close for anywhere over $32.5 million — the Palisades record-setting price from a couple years back — it will be the most expensive transaction in neighborhood history.

Unfortunately, Yolanda does not yet know the final sale price. Any guesses?

We do, however, know the identity of the secretive big-bucks buyer. Thanks to Jenerous Jenson, we can tell everyone that it is former Miss Universe-turned-philanthropist-and-Malibu-socialite Bui Simon.

Our Mrs. Simon was born in Bangkok, Thailand, though it appears she was raised mostly in the USA by her immigrant parents. While her birth name is Porntip Bui Nakhirunkanok, Mrs. Simon has long called herself simply “Bui” (perhaps understandably). In 1988, she became the second-ever Thai woman to win the Miss Universe pageant. She is also a former United Nations Goodwill Ambassador of Thailand and holds a degree in psychology from Malibu’s Pepperdine University. Nowadays she heads up a charity — the Thai-focused Angel Wings Foundation — and splits her time between Montecito and Malibu. She has become very involved in society life around the latter town — as such, she is now close friends with many of Malibu’s wealthiest fellow residents.

Tongues wagged in 2002 when our gurl married billionaire Herbert Simon, a twice-divorced guy 34 years her senior. But Mrs. Simon casually brushed the jealousy off, and the couple appear to remain happily married, 16 years on. During that time, the Simons were blessed with two biological children and also adopted the three young kids of Mrs. Simon’s now-deceased sister.

Mr. Simon is the owner of the Indiana Pacers NBA team and a shopping mall mogul. However, y’all, we have been told by the knowledgable Jenerous Jenson that Mr. Simon is not involved (technically, at least) in the Palisades mansion purchase — the sole buyer is Mrs. Simon. And a peep through property records reveals that both the couple’s Malibu homes are owned solely by Mrs. Simon and not her hubby.

Interesting. We wonder why Mrs. Simon would be purchasing this place on her own. Maybe this is just how they arrange things for succession planning? After all, Mr. Simon is now 83 years old…

Oh, by the way, if the Simon surname sounds familiar, it could be because Yolanda has discussed this billionaire clan several times in the past. Bren Simon — the widow of Mr. Simon’s now-deceased billionaire brother Melvin — is a world-class real estate baller.

The listing waxes poetic about how the Palisades manse “is reminiscent of the great English manor homes of the 18th century.” However, Yolanda no longer wears realtor goggles, so what we see here is a stately white brick Georgian-style house looks decidedly new-ish. And yes, we do find it rather lovely.

For those of y’all detail-oriented readers, the late Mr. King and his wife Jena paid $11 million for the 1.39-acre property way back in 2002 and hired New York-based architecture team Ferguson & Shamamian to custom-build the 15,162-square-foot edifice. The 7 bed and 13 bath house was completed in 2005 and sits on a hilltop in the exclusive and celeb-stacked Riviera section of the Palisades.

A classic center-hall layout defines the residence, which includes a gracious sunroom and a staircase with stairs that look like a bunch of encyclopedias stacked atop one another.

A comfy-looking living room is equipped with a fireplace and multiple access points to the outdoors. Both the living and dining rooms have gorgeous polished mahogany floors and mother of pearl paneled walls. Sounds fancy!

The library has elaborate ceiling detailing, an ornate chandelier, and a fireplace. A breakfast nook connects to a casually elegant family room with yet a fireplace and interesting salmon-colored wood-paneled walls. An outdoor living room has yet another fireplace.

Mr. & Mrs. King hired venerated designer Michael S. Smith — Obama’s White House decorator — to select the decor for each and every room up in here.

The sprawling master suite upstairs includes more mahogany floors and a separate sitting room. And both the his-and-hers bathrooms are equipped with glassy showers and sitting areas of their own.

Other indoor recreational spaces include a game room, a gym, and a screening room with a variety of tiered seating options.

As y’all might expect, the grounds here are exquisitely detailed with manicured lawns, lush formal gardens, carefully clipped hedges, and an elegantly rectangular pool set downstairs from the main yard, near a convenient poolside pavilion.

The home’s location on the San Remo rim of the Riviera neighborhood provides for spectacular southward views of the Pacific Ocean, the Palos Verdes peninsula, and Catalina. To the east are the skyscrapers of Century City and the lights of the Getty Center. Further out (and only visible on a smog-free day) are the San Gabriel Mountains.

For now, Mrs. Simon and her husband primarily reside in a lavish Montecito (CA) compound. The property sits on three parcels totalling nearly 12 acres of land.

The baronial property is just a wee skip down the road from several even fancier estate spreads, including Oprah’s 66-acre Promised Land and Jamie Kern Lima’s $35 million villa.

Though the couple still primarily reside in the Montecito compound, the Simons have been spending a significant amount of time down in Malibu, at their oceanfront mini-mansion on perilously pricey Carbon Beach — aka Billionaires’ Beach. Records show that Mr. Simon paid $11,750,000 for the property way back in 2001. By 2004, he had deeded it over to his wife.

The Carbon Beach house is located right next door to billionaire Simon Nixon’s $25 million compound and is just a handful of doors away from the $85 million spread that media mogul David Geffen sold to Dodgers owner Mark Walter.

Records also show that Mrs. Simon additionally owns a second property on the beach of billionaires, just further up the coast. This much more modest pad is a condo with just 1,956-square-feet of living space, so Yolanda would imagine it is occupied by staff or an extended family member(s).

The Simons also own an 8,565-square-foot mansion in a tony neighborhood of Indianapolis, Indiana — where Mr. Simon’s business interests have long been based — although Yolanda is unsure how much time they actually spend living there nowadays.

Back out in the Palisades, some of Mrs. Simon’s new neighbors include actress Jennifer Garner — who lives right next door — and powerhouse TV/film director/producer J.J. Abrams, who is two doors away. And just around the corner and up the road is a fortified mansion owned by Tamme McCauley, the daughter of Mrs. Simon’s in-law Bren Simon. Coincidence?

We do not know if Bui Simon and Ms. McCauley hang out socially — it seems kinda doubtful — but if they happen to cross neighborly paths in the Riviera, Yolanda’s unsolicited advice to Mrs. Simon is to avoid asking about the police standoff that went down in Ms. McCauley’s home last year, the one that ultimately left her boyfriend dead of a self-inflicted gun wound. Yikes.

Listing agent: Elizabeth Halsted, Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices

The free market system is really a beautiful thing. Truly. Here in America, anyone with the dough can buy whatever house they want, with no government interference. Yes, yes, we know that there are some general regulations, and certainly the SEC and such keeps a watchful eye on buyers of these homes. But generally, folks can do as they please. Doesn’t matter where the money comes from. In LA, we see buyers from all over the world, people who got their money in all sorts of interesting ways — legitimate or not.

Whether that is fair and “right” is a matter of opinion. All Yolanda knows is that our blog posts would probably be far more boring without the free market thingamajig. But we digress.

Last night, a little birdie unexpectedly rang Yolanda’s proverbial bell and inquired about whether A-list celebrity couple Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes had quietly purchased a lovely old mansion in the posh San Gabriel Valley city of San Marino.

Huh? San Marino? Seriously? But sure enough, Ms. Mendes and Mr. Gosling were papped at the house in question just last month.

San Marino, y’all, has long and consistently been ranked one of the wealthiest cities in all of California. But in the past 40 years of so, it has undergone a demographic shift more dramatic than almost anywhere else in LA. In the 1970s, San Marino was a 99.7% white city — mostly old-money WASPs — with a racist past. Today, in 2018, something like 70% of homes in the city are owned by wealthy Chinese or Taiwanese folks — most of them with enormous new-money fortunes. And that percentage is only increasing.

These days, San Marino and (to a greater extent) the neighboring city of Arcadia are known as the “mistress cities” because billionaire Chinese businessmen frequently pony up millions to house their extracurricular girlfriends in area mansions. For a video explaining more about this — ahem — unique phenomenon, click here.

Do not misunderstand, kiddies. San Marino — located just south of bustling Pasadena — is an amazing small town known for its historic grand mansions and for having one of the best school districts in LA. For decades, Yolanda’s grandparents owned a modest house only 5 minutes’ drive away from the property Mr. Gosling and Ms. Mendes considered buying. So we know damn well that this place is gorgeous and peaceful in a way that most luxury neighborhoods out west are not.

However, despite its great wealth, San Marino is certainly not home to many Hollywood celebrities, nor does it have the attractions that most A-listers value. There are only a tiny handful of eateries in town, and all of them are mom-and-pop style and completely unpretentious (save for Julienne — which has a reputation around town for being the favored lunch spot of “the trophy wives of San Marino”). Sorry kids, there is no Craig’s anywhere around here, and no place to see-and-be-seen by paparazzi.

(Then again, Mr. Gosling and Ms. Mendes are not your typical A-list celebrity couple. Despite their high profiles, they are ultra-private — almost obsessively so. They have rarely been photographed together and have never given an interview as a couple. And In fact, by the time Ms. Mendes gave birth to the couple’s second child, almost nobody even knew she was pregnant. Heck, these two might even be secretly married by now — who knows?)

Anyway, if any of y’all find yourselves in San Marino, we highly suggest you try the delicious sushi at Yoshida, a tiny and favored spot of area locals. Or, if you crave an orgasmic bowl of clam chowder or  fresh swordfish sandwich, check out San Marino Seafood. A bit pricey, yet totally worth it. Trust Yolanda.

We did a little asking around and quickly heard back from a knowledgable source who told us that Ms. Mendes and Mr. Gosling have been looking for a large home in the Pasadena/San Marino area and did, in fact, make an above-asking-price offer on the house in question. However, y’all, they are not the new owners. Their offer was beaten, trampled, annihilated! Records now show the property was sold for $9.5 million cash to a Chinese lady. To be specific, the deed says the new owner is “Yi Huang, a single woman”.

Yolanda has no idea who Ms. Huang is or where she gets $9.5 million cash for a luxury home, but she obviously wanted this place like the dickens — she paid $1.5 million more than the $7,995,000 asking price. Clearly there was a fierce bloodbath of a bidding war up in here. Shall we check out what drove everyone so cray-cray?

The historic Villa delle Favole estate was built by acclaimed Pasadena architect Clarence L. Jay way back in 1924 and sits on a lovely, mansion-dotted street just a quick skip from the Huntington Library. Featuring a celeb-pedigreed history — it was sold by prolific TV producer Mark Cronin, who bought it in 2010 from Malcolm In the Middle actress Jane Kaczmarek and her ex-hubby, The West Wing actor Bradley Whitford — the property is fortified with a double-gated circular driveway, security cameras, and a detached three-car garage tucked privately into the rear of the 1-acre lot.

At various times over the past 94 years, the Italian Revival-style home’s interiors have been respectfully updated, most notably by designers Cynthia Bennett and Matthew White. Many original architectural details remain, including in the classy library (check out those leaded-glass windows and the original Batchelder fireplace)!

One thing that has definitely been significantly updated is the kitchen, which now includes a SubZero refrigerator and a host of other high-end appliances. The massive center island includes an eat-in area, and the breakfast nook rests next to the service staircase.

There are a total of 7,612-square-feet of living space on the property, including the detached 1,200-square-foot guest house. The main house offers up 5 beds and 4 baths, with the upstairs master suite featuring a fireplace, sitting area, built-in soaking tub, and a custom walk-in closet with lustrous hardwood flooring.

Speaking of the guest house, it includes a living room, an rather unattractive kitchen, and an unexpectedly large bedroom suite with French door access to the backyard. Elsewhere, the expertly-designed villa includes numerous outdoor sitting areas for enjoying the gentle San Marino breezes.

Just because this place is 94 years old does not mean it ain’t know how to party. Out back is a raised swimming pool, a raised spa, and an outdoor kitchen. Also out there is a spacious lawn and an elegant boxwood parterre garden.

As we say, this area is currently home to only a handful of celebrities, though that could be changing. Meryl Streep just bought a Pasadena mid-century, as did funnywoman Kristin Wiig. Oscar de la Hoya owns a spectacular old Pasadena mansion, as does Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Erika Girardi. And comedian Larry Wilmore lived in San Marino for many years prior to his recent divorce.

By the by, Yolanda feels bad that the dream home of Mr. Gosling and Ms. Mendes slipped away. We know that freebie-loving celebs are accustomed to getting what they want. And usually without having to yank out the classic “Don’t you know who I am?!” card! But if it makes the couple feel any better, this bidding war loss situation is not entirely unheard-of, even in the A-list ranks.

Sofia Vergara — who for years has been the highest-paid actress on TV — was famously outbid on Debra Messing’s prime East Gate Bel Air estate. Poor Ms. Vergara nearly thought she had the deed in hand, but it was snatched at the last minute! Her mortgaged offer was ultimately trumped by a late $11.4 million all-cash bid from a hedge fund-rich New York couple (Michael Barnes & Lisa Underwood). For anyone curious, Ms. Vergara instead had to “settle” for a $10.6 million mansion in Beverly Hills.

That just goes to show, y’all, that our real estate market remains a bastion of capitalism. Fame, power, and smooth-talk alone will not buy a house, not if you ain’t willing to ante up the biggest bucks.

Or, in more succinct terms, money talks and the bullshit walks.

Listing agent: Ben Kelly, Pacific Union
Miss Huang’s agent: Reling Miu Wong, Handfore Realty Corp

Paradise Cove in Malibu is perhaps the most scenic beach in the city. Blessed with a broad shore, the sand here has a soft consistency. The waves are gentle, the aquamarine water lustrous and sparkling. As such, the few dozen estate homes in the area are all terrifically expensive and owned by some of the world’s wealthiest peeps. Current residents include Steve Jobs’ widow Laurene Powell (her $60 million compound is still unfinished), Beats baller Jimmy Iovine (also a $60 million estate), A-lister Leonardo DiCaprio (a $23 million vacant lot), entrepreneurs Richard & Laurie Lynn Stark (a $40 million shack), and LA Rams owner Stan Kroenke and his Walmart heiress wife Ann Walton (a two-house compound).

Yet every rose has its thorn, and every supermodel has her blemish. Perhaps a wonky eye or an unfortunate mole in an awkward spot, like the ear or armpit. For Paradise Cove, the 3,848-square-foot blemish is in a particularly obvious place: smack-dab in the middle of the cove, and right on the sand.

This blemish, of course, is a house.

For a few big reasons, this house is a Paradise Cove anomaly. The first is the architectural style: the mansard-roofed, Asian-influenced faux-chateau is jarringly out of place amid a sea of contemporary mansions. And the color! The house is painted a sinister shade we shall call “dungeon charcoal”.

But the main reason this place attracts attention is because it has been abandoned — or at least neglected — for many years. Since shortly after the turn of the century, apparently. And a neglected mansion surrounded by $60 million estates is a very unusual thing. Thus, the home has garnered fame (or is it infamy?) which outstrips even that of its celebrity-owned neighbors.

Adding to the intrigue, the spooky house has an (empty) underground bank vault and was abandoned with a whole sea of belongings inside: children’s toys, old receipts, various documents, even pieces of artwork. All left to (potentially) rot, as if the family’s exit was sudden and unexpected.

A quick search on YouTube reveals there are a whole slew of popular videos filmed at this house, all taken by explorers or curious lookie-loos. At least one of the vids sports millions of views.

Before we proceed, a quick word from our sponsors. Yolanda should not need to say this, but we strongly advise that y’all do not trespass on this property. Although it is “abandoned” in the sense that nobody lives there, it is still owned by an individual — and that individual is very much alive and last year paid nearly $14,000 in property taxes for this pad. Trespassing could get you into a heap of trouble, and don’t expect Yolanda to bail your sorry backside outta the clink. We have enough problems just getting our monthly support check from our miserly third ex-husband. Old bastard…

In any case, the home is inaccessible (to the public) by car. Located in an exclusive gated community, the .54-acre property is additionally tucked behind a long gated driveway that it shares with one other house — a $21.5 million snazzy contemporary confection owned and occupied by tennis legend John McEnroe and his longtime wife, former rocker Patty Smyth.

So what is the backstory here?

Yolanda wishes she knew more, but we do have some info. Public records indicate the garish residence was built in 1979 and sold in 1993 to Gordon Getty, the San Francisco-based multi-billionaire oil heir whose family are the benefactors behind the Getty. Our boy is the son of the late tycoon J. Paul Getty, who was at one point the richest man on the globe. Seen the recent film All The Money in the World? Yep, that movie was based on this clan.

In 1999, the mostly low-profile Mr. Getty made headlines ’round the globe when it was revealed he had a mistress named Cynthia Beck and three illegitimate daughters — Nicolette, Alexandra, and Kendalle — living in Los Angeles, though his second family had long been an open secret among S.F. high society.

Today, nearly 20 years later, 84-year-old Mr. Getty remains married to Ann Gilbert, his wife of 50+ years. The couple continue to reside primarily at their longtime home in SF’s Pacific Heights neighborhood, and are still society royalty. Mrs. Getty recently showed off her Christmas decorations to Veranda.

As for Ms. Beck, the “second family” scandal broke when her daughters went to court seeking a name change and claims to a portion of the Getty family trust. Shortly after that — in September 1999 — Mr. Getty quietly “sold” the Malibu pad to Ms. Beck for just over $3 million. Within a few years, the house entered its current state of neglect. Despite the lack of maintenance, however, we believe the teardown property is worth at least $12 million in today’s hyper real estate market.

Now in her 60s, Ms. Beck remains enigmatic. Yolanda does not even have a photo of this lady, nor do we know much about her three adult daughters — all of whom are in their late 20s or early 30s.

Why Ms. Beck has allowed the Malibu property to decay is also unclear. But one thing is patently obvious, thanks to records: she presides over a substantial property portfolio and owns at least twenty LA-area homes. Like the Malibu pad, many of them appear to be vacant and sadly neglected. And in fact, that Malibu house is not even her most expensive abandoned mansion.

In August 1993 — just four months after he bought the Malibu pad — Gordon Getty paid exactly $4 million for a historic 3-acre estate in prime East Gate Bel Air. Our gurl Ms. Beck then paid him just over $5.5 million in 1999 to acquire title to the baronial compound.

Floraves, as the hilltop mansion was originally christened, was built in 1924 by wealthy author Gene Stratton-Porter. It was the very first mansion ever built in a massive undeveloped plot of land that became modern-day Bel Air, though Mrs. Stratton-Porter never actually lived in the home — she died shortly prior to its completion.

According to our pal Wiki Pedia, the property originally consisted of a English Tudor-style 22-room mansion with 11,000-square-feet of living space. There was also a four car garage and servants’ quarters, a greenhouse, outdoor ponds, pool, and a tennis court. However, recent aerial shots (like the one above) show that the tennis court and ponds are long gone. And the whole place is in a sad state of disrepair. It also appears to Yolanda that there may be two or more old cars (?) rusting away in the driveway.

Although the house is only a two-minute drive to Sunset Boulevard, it is located on one of the most private properties in all of lower Bel Air: secreted away at the end of a tiny lane and hidden from the neighbors via overgrown foliage. The entire place is now surrounded by a hideous barbed-wire fence.

Speaking of the neighbors, this place is practically next door to Beyonce & Jay-Z’s $88 million mega-compound — in fact, this property can only be accessed by driving right behind the sports court on their estate. (Don’t tell Bey & Jay, but Ms. Beck’s abandoned estate is actually larger than their place, at least in terms of acreage.)

Yolanda would estimate that this Bel Air estate — even in its current derelict condition — is worth at least $20 million. And probably more. After all, Hong Kong heiress Karen Lo recently paid almost $18 million for a significantly smaller and less private vacant lot around the corner.

Wait, there’s more. Ms. Beck also owns a two-parcel Santa Monica estate.

The fortified compound is now locked up tight and features a decrepit old 3,272-square-foot home. Like the other properties, this place has been vacant for years. Land value here is probably at least $5 million, given the superb location and generous (for the area) .54-acre lot.

Also taking up space in Ms. Beck’s portfolio is a two-story house in the bustling Westwood neighborhood — just east of the 405 freeway. Like all the other residences, this ol’ gurl looks as though she has seen better days.

Given that Ms. Beck has so many unoccupied homes in LA, Yolanda initially thought she may have skipped town entirely. Turns out that is not the case — according to a source, Ms. Beck still lives right under our noses. In Bel Air, to be specific.

In January 2001, Ms. Beck paid a non-celebrity couple $2,600,000 for a .89-acre spread located on one of Bel Air’s busiest streets. It is here, y’all, where she reportedly continues to reside. Although the 1930 residence is very large — 8,229-square-feet, according to records — it is not really a mansion. More like a sprawling ranch house.

Of note about this Bel Air house is that Ms. Beck was involved in a lengthy — and extremely costly — battle with her next-door neighbors over a boundary dispute. In 2009, after a protracted eight-year legal war that ultimately ended with a jury trial, Ms. Beck was ordered to pay the couple next door a whopping $6 million in compensatory and punitive damages. Two years later, her neighbors won another award against her for attorneys’ costs totaling $446,302.21.

Yikes! Sounds like one heck of a boundary dispute. (Ironically, it would have been cheaper for Ms. Beck to just buy her neighbors’ house.)

Anyhoo. In addition to these five uber-expensive homes, records show that Ms. Beck owns at least fifteen smaller LA properties — most of them located in or around the up-and-coming neighborhood of Echo Park, on LA’s east side. Many of those structures also appear to be in various stages of disrepair — yet her total property portfolio is still worth $50 or $60 million.

Yolanda wrote all this because abandoned mansions have always fascinated your gurl. Why someone would neglect a property that could easily fetch a small fortune on the open market is a mystery to us. Sure, we understand that these homes can cost major moolah just to maintain. But why continue to pay property taxes — Ms. Beck’s total tax bill is well into the six figures each and every year — for unused homes?

The real estate market has never been hotter, kiddies. By selling the Malibu and big Bel Air spread alone, Ms. Beck would have enough cash to buy a retirement home in Beverly Park, LA’s most exclusive gated community. Easily.

But for whatever reason, she will not sell. And so the infamy and gossip continues.

Thanks to a thoughtful reader, Yolanda has learned that mega-rich YouTube stars Rosanna Pansino (real name: Rosanna Reardon) and HuskyStarcraft (real name: Mike Lamond) have unexpectedly slapped a $4,250,000 pricetag on their luxurious mini-estate in the San Fernando Valley neighborhood of Tarzana.

If y’all did not already know, the pint-sized Ms. Pansino (she stands a dimunitive 4’10”) is one of the most successful personalities on all of the YouTube. Her offbeat and family-friendly baking show Nerdy Nummies has earned her channel nearly 10 million subscribers and a cumulative 2.4+ billion views. (Holy moly!) She has parlayed her success on the ‘Tube into other ventures, like her own cookbook and a partnership with Wilton for a line of kitchen utensils sold in Target.

As for her boyfriend, the statuesque Mr. Starcraft (height: 6’2″), his channel — featuring vides of him playing Starcraft, surprise surprise — sports a “mere” 800,000 subscribers. That might be due to the fact that he has not uploaded any content since 2015. Reportedly, he abandoned his own channel to help produce Ms. Pansino’s more popular/more lucrative videos.

Anyway, Ms. Pansino and Mr. Starcraft — both of whom are in their early 30s — only acquired the Valley property less than two years ago (in August 2016) for $3,825,000. Still, it appears to your gurl that the couple have made a handful of upgrades and alterations to the residence in the 1.75 years they have owned the place. Ready for a quick virtual tour?

The house sits at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac in a lovely and leafy area of Tarzana. Though described as a “Cape Cod” in listing materials, Yolanda would call it a Traditional-style house with some faux wooden siding. A long walkway leads past manicured hedges, a gurgling fountain, and the three-car garage to a wee porch and a cutesy “Home Sweet Home” doormat.

The 5,417-square-foot residence was built in 2014 and features a spacious, open floorpan with casually luxurious decor and a total of 5 bedrooms and 5.75 bathrooms.

The entrance hall leads to the living room (equipped with couches, area rug, and large TV) and opens directly to the enormous “chef’s kitchen”, which is where Ms. Pansino films all her YouTube videos. Naturally, our gurl put a few custom touches on the place — according to her own home tour, she added more storage cupboards to the kitchen and relocated the farmhouse sink from the island to a corner of the room. Photos reveal that she also removed and replaced all the original light fixtures.

Speaking of islands, there are two of them in the kitchen — one an eat-in thing with chairs, the other for preparing food — and both are slathered in pricey Italian Calacatta marble. The refrigerator is an enormous Viking unit, and all the other appliances equally high-end, as y’all might expect.

Faux-distressed hardwood floors lead to the pantry area, which includes two extra ovens and an extra sink. Clearly this place was built with entertaining in mind.

The house also has a sunroom w/ hand-carved table and bench, and the large family room has a pool table. Walls of disappearing glass doors in all the main rooms lead to the sunny backyard.

Upstairs are more hardwood floors, a vaulted hallway ceiling, and a library/lounge combo with a private balcony, bookshelves, and another large TV.

It appears to Yolanda that all five of the bedroom suites are located upstairs. The master suite has a vaulted ceiling with a marble fireplace, his-and-hers closets (looks like Ms. Pansino is a very organized lass!), and a master bathroom with a soaking tub, fireplace, and a walk-in glass shower with rainfall shower heard. Ms. Pansino added a sparkling chandelier overhead to amp up the room’s “romance”. Well, alrighty then.

The relatively spacious .46-acre lot is totally private (thanks to tall trees and such) and has plenty of al fresco dining options. There is a large pool with inset spa, a sports court, a firepit, and a 400-square-foot cabana with an outdoor living room, TV, and a fireplace. Hidden around the yard and cabana are a whole bunch of speakers for piping in your favorite tunes. Just be sure to keep it down for the neighbors!

Although Ms. Pansino and Mr. Starcraft’s $4.25 million ask is $425,000 more than they paid less than two years ago, Yolanda actually believes this place is priced just right. The market is fiery hot right now, kiddies, so if any of our readers are seriously interested in this house — move fast. We fully expect it to sell with the quickness. And don’t say we ain’t warn ya.

No word yet on where Ms. Pansino and Mr. Starcraft are moving, but given that the lady is hauling in more moolah than ever — $6 million or so per year, according to Forbes — Yolanda fully expects them to upgrade their digs, perhaps in a more fashionable part of town.

By the way, there is an open house at Ms. Pansino’s Tarzana pad this Sunday (tomorrow) from 2-5 pm. Come on out! If you are lucky, y’all might even catch Yolanda up in there.

Hey, your gurl needs housing too. And when our third ex-husband Randall finally delivers that settlement check, we are lookin’ to move on up.

Listing agent: Shari Landon, Douglas Elliman

More than a month ago, Yolanda snitched that billionaire financier Bruce Karsh — the co-founder of LA-based Oaktree Capital Management — was about to drop tens of millions on a “contemporary farmhouse” estate compound in the Holmby Hills neighborhood of Los Angeles.

Well, it happened. Looks like the fine folks over at Mansion Global were the first to suss out that Mr. Karsh paid a strangely complex $68,822,500 for the property, which spans 2.15 acres in one of LA’s poshest neighborhood pockets — the billionaire-lined street of North Carolwood Drive.

Designed by Napa Valley-based architect Howard Backen, the residence was custom-built in 2016 for Brad Grey, the former CEO of Paramount Pictures, and his (second) wife Cassandra Huysentruyt Grey. Unfortunately, Mr. Grey only got to live a few months in his dream home before he succumbed to cancer.

RIP.

For loads more photos and details about the home, y’all can visit Yolanda’s previous tale on the subject. For now, suffice to say that this place is pretty damn spectacular and probably worth the brain-searing price of admission, believe it or not.

Anyway, Mr. Karsh and his longtime wife Martha — an attorney and architectural designer by trade, she is — are world-class ballers with mansions in lots of fancy-schmancy neighborhoods. They have a massive pad on Hawaii’s Big Island. They own a tennis court estate up in Montecito (CA). In 2014, they purchased a $33 million spread in Brentwood (CA) that has interiors done up by Obama’s White House decorator Michael S. Smith. They still own their longtime family home, a rambling old mansion up in the mountainous Beverly Hills Post Office area of LA. And just a month or so ago, they paid approximately $25 million for the NYC townhouse of legally-embattled former movie mogul Harvey Weinstein.

Although none of their other houses are currently on the market, Yolanda would be shocked if Mr. and Mrs. Karsh were not looking to unload their Brentwood and B.H.P.O. spreads in the very near future. So if anyone out there is looking (or has clients looking) for a enormous Traditional-style place in either the 90049 or 90210 zip codes, give Mr. Karsh or the missus a ring-ring.

Oh, P.S., don’t worry about the Widow Grey being homeless. Homegurl is already basking in a gorgeous mid-century modern — the historic Loring House by Richard Neutra — over in the Hollywood Hills.

Listing agents: Stephen Shapiro, Westside Estate Agency; Linda May, Hilton & Hyland
Bruce & Martha Karsh’s agent: Linda May, Hilton & Hyland

As was reported by The Blast — and confirmed by property records — singer/songwriter/music producer extraordinaire Pharrell Williams has tossed down the big A-list bucks (a hefty $15,600,000) for a decidedly unique Los Angeles mega-mansion way up yonder in the hills.

This despite that he and Robin Thicke were recently ordered to pay $5.3 million in damages (stemming from their mega-hit Blurred Lines) to the estate of Marvin Gaye. According to Mr. Gaye’s ex-wife, “Pharrell and Robin should have done the right thing by licensing Marvin’s composition and crediting him.” 

Well! There you have it.

Needless to say, Mr. Pharrell is still exceptionally wealthy and one of the most decorated peeps in the music industry. He sports eleven Grammies, two Oscar noms, and myriad other awards and records over his 25+ year career. Not bad for a 45 year old dude, eh?

Pharrell and his longtime lady-love — a gal named Helen Lasichanh — have been hitched since 2013. Together, the couple have a 10-year-old son named Rocket. Last year, Ms. Lasichanh additionally gave birth to triplets, although the names and sexes of the bundles of joy apparently remain top-secret. Anyway, now that the Williams family numbers six, it was only natural that our boy would want to upsize his residential circumstances.

In 1992, the late billionaire physicist/philanthropist Alfred E. Mann had a custom glass-and-steel mansion built on a private promontory. It was in this house where he lived until his 2016 death at the ripe old age of 90. From there, his estate initially tried to sell the porker with a $30 million ask.

It took over a year and several massive price chops before along came our gurl Madea — aka Tyler Perry — who scooped it up for the bargain-basement price of $14,500,000.

Good ol’ Madea, bless her sassy heart, never spent a night in this house. Nor does it appear that she made any changes and/or improvements to the property. Reportedly, although she made noise about wanting to “restore” the house, her intention all along was to flip it to a buyer with “a vision” for the substantial spread. Just six months after acquiring it, she slapped a gutsy $17 million ask back on the behemoth. Along came Pharrell with his $15.6 million offer and, well, the rest is now history.

The house in question is located just off world-famous Mulholland Drive. Although not within the gates of the celeb-infested Mulholland Estates enclave (residents include Kendall Jenner, DJ Khaled, Paris Hilton, Big Sean, etc), the property is so close that Mr. Pharrell could very easily walk to their guardshack and request a borrowed cup of sugar.

The mega-manse-sized 17,245-square-foot residence sits on a gated, expansive 4.19-acre lot with majestic views over a wide swathe of the San Fernando Valley. Yet the pad is exceptionally private and essentially has no neighbors. The closest nearby structure, actually, is LA County Fire Station #99. So if Pharrell ever gets real hot (and not in a good way) the firemen could literally douse his house without the fire engine having to leave the bay. How convenient!

Anyway, the “house” obviously looks less like a home than it does a fancy office complex. It has the parking of an office complex, too — the motorcourt can accommodate 30 or more vehicles, per the listing. The structure has a total of 10 beds and 11 baths. Resort-style features include a sunken tennis court, a freeform swimming pool w/ grotto, an outdoor dining terrace, and a koi pond/streem that flows throughout the entire estate.

Interior spaces contain a decidedly early 90s flavor. Yolanda is nearly dizzy from all the angles up in this bitch — pyramids here, rectangles there, icicles everywhere — but we also suspect that Mr. Pharrell is plotting a significant overhaul. We shall see.

One thing we shan’t ever see is Mr. Pharrell’s window-washing bill (we hope). Egads! Can y’all imagine?

One quick note: although Pharrell’s new mansion has the coveted 90210 zip code — and thus he can write his address as “Beverly Hills, 90210” — this house is actually nowhere near the city of Beverly Hills. It takes at least 15-20 minutes (with no traffic!) to reach B.H. from this pad. In fact, since the house is north of Mulholland Drive, it is technically located in the San Fernando Valley neighborhood of Sherman Oaks.

But we digress.

Mr. Pharrell is clearly a guy with taste for some very stark contemporary architecture. His current home, purchased in 2015 for $7,140,000, is one of LA’s most photographed abodes. The sleekly sublime Skyline Residence (as it is known) is tucked way high up in the Laurel Canyon area of the Hollywood Hills. (For even more pics of that place, check out architect Hagy Belzberg’s site).

Fun throwback: way back in the day (2007), Pharrell spooned out about $12.5 million for a triplex penthouse in Miami’s Bristol Towers complex. After years on and off the market, he finally sold the contemporary white elephant in June 2016 for just $9.25 million (ouch!) to a pharmaceutical exec named Ketan Mehta. Our Mr. Mehta, who seems like a nice guy, actually gave a quick interview about the transaction to the local newspaper.

No word yet on what Pharrell plans to do with his latest residential acquisition, but Yolanda expects the self-admitted perfectionist to endow it with a comprehensive makeover — at the very least.

Tyler Perry’s agents: Matt & Josh Altman, Douglas Elliman
Pharrell’s agent: Jonah Wilson, Hilton & Hyland

Duty Free heiress Alexandra von Furstenberg has been bitten by the flip bug, that same pesky virus that is afflicting so many other rich folks here in LA. Last year, as Yolanda told y’all, she paid exactly $16 million for a rather humble shack (just 2,273-square-feet) on a blufftop in Malibu’s exclusive Point Dume neighborhood. At the time, Yolanda speculated that she would raze the small house to make way for a grand mansion. Not so, however. Our gurl gave the little place a quick polish and flipped it this month for a very healthy profit in an all-cash deal. But before we dive into the property discussion, a quick background refresh on Ms. von Furstenberg.

The well-connected international socialite — her sisters are Pia Getty and Marie-Chantal, Crown Princess of Greece — had a decidedly cosmopolitan upbringing. Born Alexandra Miller in New York City to an American-born British father and an Ecuadorian mother, she was raised primarily in Hong Kong (where her multi-billionaire daddy still resides, incidentally).

Ms. von Furstenberg attended boarding school at the world-famous Institut Le Rosey in Switzerland, before studying fashion at Parsons (in New York) and art history at Brown, an Ivy League college in Rhode Island. She married Prince Alexander von Furstenberg of Germany — the son of Belgian fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg and stepson of American billionaire Barry Diller — though they eventually divorced after having two children. (Her ex-hubby is a Beverly Park resident, didn’tchaknow?) Nowadays, Ms. von Furstenberg lives in Los Angeles, owns her own WeHo-based acrylic furniture design business, and is married to an LA native and former model named Dax Miller who now toils as an architectural designer. Had Ms. von Furstenberg taken her second hubby’s name, she would be Alexandra Miller (coincidentally, also her birth name). But she still uses her first husband’s surname, so there ya go.

Confused yet?

Back to the house. Ms. von Fursenberg hired her hubby (hope she got a good rate!) to refresh the Malibu shack. Our Mr. Miller did just that, replacing the somewhat disjointed interiors with an unfussy neutral theme. White oak flooring, white walls and such. Over the past year, he has posted several pics of his handiwork up on the Instagram contraption, if anyone is curious.

Mr. Miller also replaced the front yard’s thirsty green lawn with native, drought-resistant grasses, plenty of space for off-street parking, and a bocce ball court. Plenty of room for that on the spacious 1-acre lot.

All those tweaks and upgrades were sufficient to lure a mysterious buyer who paid $20 million in cash — a $4 million profit for Ms. von Furstenberg before taxes, real estate fees, and whatever compensation she provided to Mr. Miller for his efforts. Not bad work if you can get it, right?

Though the grant deed shows the house was acquired an entity called Bear Button One LLC (with an address in Orange County, CA) Yolanda happens to know that the big-bucks new owners are a married couple from Laguna Beach named Leddy Renwick and Charles “Charlie” Dunlop.

Ms. Renwick is a local Laguna Beach real estate agent, and Mr. Dunlop is a businessman who singlehandedly founded the OC-based biotech company Ambry Genetics way back in 1999, in a tiny office with money borrowed from family members. Ambry now has approximately 700 employees and is a leading provider and pioneer of clinical diagnostics testing services for genetic diseases, including cancer and such.

Ambry’s mission is near and dear to Mr. Dunlop’s heart — after all, he is himself a cancer survivor. His stage 4 prostate cancer is currently in remission, thankfully. “Cancer sucks,” says Mr. Dunlop. True that.

Last year, after nearly two decades of growth, Mr. Dunlop sold Ambry to Japanese tech conglomerate Konica Minolta in a deal valued up to $1 billion. So rest assured that he and Ms. Renwick can afford just about any house they want. And apparently what they wanted was a very modest (yet still inordinately expensive) blufftop pad in Malibu.

Originally built in 1966, the traditional ranch-ish style structure sits far back behind a gated entryway and the aforementioned front yard with its native fauna and such. Also out front is perhaps the property’s most unusual feature: the detached “air conditioned casita”. It looks just big enough to accommodate a couple chairs, and Yolanda can’t fathom why someone would sit here with a view of the driveway rather than out back with the ocean vistas. Maybe to survey a quick game of bocce?

The interiors are light and bright and low-maintenance. A small kitchen contains an uber-expensive SubZero fridge, wine cooler, Caesarstone countertops, stainless appliances, and opens to the fireplace-equipped living room. There are just two bedrooms and three bathrooms in the petite house, though the separate great room/lounge could potentially be a third bedroom, we suppose.

All rooms on the property sport divine ocean views.

Back in the living room, the sliding glass doors open to a polycarbonate awning-shaded (that awning blocks 90% of UV rays, per the listing!) outdoor deck with comfy-lookin’ couches. The backyard is a mix of drought-friendly grasses and two expansive strips of lawn.

Though the yard is pool-less, there is a wooden jacuzzi. But if that is not sufficient for swimmin’ purposes, we suppose very adventurous (or very drunk) folks could always try diving off the cliffside into the Pacific Ocean below.

Just kidding. Don’t do it, y’all — no need. Included with the house purchase are coveted keys to nearly-private Little Dume Beach.

Mr. Dunlop and Ms. Renwick’s nearest new Point Dume neighbors include Malibu mega-realtor Chris Cortazzo, tech entrepreneur Erik Swan, hedge funder David Visher, and Beachbody CEO Carl Daikeler.

Although Yolanda would be surprised if they do not own any other real estate, the only other house that we can link the Renwick-Dunlops to is their current residence in Laguna Beach, also a surprisingly modest (if fairly expensive) affair. The remodeled 1974-built structure is located way high up in the hills above the city — near the stunningly scenic Top of the World hiking trail — and has a pool and three bedroom suites in 2,725-square-feet of living space.

Records show the couple picked up the property in 2014 for $2,175,000.

As for Alexandra von Furstenberg, she resides in a grand Holmby Hills mansion located on what is perhaps LA’s most prestigious street: South Mapleton Drive.

The completely symmetrical H-shaped mega-mansion known as Sunridge was custom-built for Ms. von Furstenberg and was mostly designed by her hubby. In April 2015, the couple had a portion of the 18,000-square-feet of art-filled contemporary living space photographed for Architectural Digest. And Mr. Miller has a whole slew of house pics on his website.

Alexandra von Furstenberg’s agent: Chris Cortazzo, Coldwell Banker
Charles Dunlop’s agent: Kevin Augunas, Coldwell Banker

The iconic Pacific Coast Highway snakes through all 21 miles of Malibu, effectively dividing the coastal city into two sections. Those homes on the ocean-side of the highway (sandwiched in between PCH and the Pacific) are some of the most expensive in the world, although many sit cheek-to-jowl with their neighbors on the sand, like the proverbial sardines in a can.

Homes over on the land-side of PCH, however, tend to be larger structures on larger lots and still offer significant value for the money, depending on one’s point of view. One of the folks who saw the value, apparently, is LA Clippers professional basketball star DeAndre Jordan. Our Mr. Jordan very recently plunked down a baller $10,000,000 on a lavish land-side Malibu mansion (via blind trust, of course).

The 29-year-old Mr. Jordan — a devout Christian born and raised in Houston (Texas) — stands a towering 6’11” and has played all 9 seasons of his professional basketball career for the Clippers. The NBA All-Star is consistently ranked among the best players in the league, and has made the All-NBA Team three times. He is also an Olympian who took home the gold with the USA team at the 2016 games in Rio de Janeiro.

The 2006-built faux Tuscan villa sits on a private street right across PCH from fiendishly expensive Paradise Cove. A sizable 3.48-acre lot holds an 8,868-square-foot, three-level mansion plus an 890-square foot guest house (a mini replica of the main structure). The entire property is walled and hidden behind elaborate gates and high hedges.

Records indicate the property was built and sold by local jeweler Mike Maralian and his wife Denise.

As y’all might expect of a 2000s mock-Med manse, there are lots of ornate decorative flourishes up in here: coffered ceilings, carved wooden everything, vaulted ceilings with decorative wooden beams, big-ass chandeliers, and a beige stone fireplace.

Though we appreciate the large island and convenient eat-in section, Yolanda thinks the kitchen is a bit too brown. Maybe a different color granite countertop or a staining of the wooden cabinets might help liven it up a bit, eh?

The living and family rooms both sport gorgeous ocean vistas and French doors access to various parts of the “2,000-square-feet of covered verandas”, per the listing.

There are a total of 5 beds and 5.5 baths in the main house, and the master suite has trendy dark hardwood floors, a sitting area, another ornate fireplace, and dual bathrooms and walk-in closets. Three sets of French doors open to the covered balcony, which has slender columns framing vistas of the grassy backyard and clear vistas to the sea.

Other nifty features found in the elevator-equipped mansion include a 12-seat theater with vivid red velour seats, a game room/lounge with a hot pink (or maybe red?) felt pool table, a gym, and a wine cellar.

As for the one-bed/one-bath guest house, it sports a woodsy mini-kitchen and a petite, fireplace-equipped living room.

Clearly this thing was built for entertaining. The sloped backyard has so many lounging/dining/sitting options that Yolanda has already lost track. But we do know that there is at least one firepit, an outdoor living room, and a huge grassy lawn running below the infinity-edged swimming pool.

All in all, this is a very luxurious home with plenty of recreation space on a very large lot. By some measures, Mr. Jordan probably got himself a deal.

Our boy’s new property is surrounded by similarly-sized estates owned by the likes of hedge fund manager Craig Pica, shoe designer Damon Way, and cheesy love song crooner Richard Marx.

Though still in his 20s, this is hardly Mr. Jordan’s first time at the real estate rodeo. Back in 2015, he paid a very serious $12,700,000 for a newly-built spec-mansion on the Pacific Palisades Riviera. Records show he sold the house after just a year of ownership at a million dollar loss (ouch!) to hedge fund manager Curtis Macnguyen.

In 2016, Mr. Jordan paid $5,075,000 for a home tucked into the back of Malibu’s guard-gated Serra Retreat community, where other homeowners include tach bajillionaire Larry Ellison, Vitasoy heiress Karen Lo, haircare billionaire John Paul DeJoria, A-list filmmaker James Cameron, and Linkin Park’s Brad Delson.

On the same day he bought his new $10 million pad — the one we just discussed — Mr. Jordan unloaded his Serra Retreat property for $5,700,000. The buyers, interestingly enough, were Mike & Denise Maralian: the very same folks who just sold Mr. Jordan his big new mansion further up the highway.

Nice little arranged switcheroo.

Listing agent: Chris Cortazzo, Coldwell Banker
Mr. Jordan’s agent: Jordan Cohen, Re/Max Olson & Associates

June gloom seems to have arrived early this year, at least here in Southern California. Still, the grey skies can only temporarily disguise the fact that summertime is already upon us. So Yolanda thought we might spend the rest of the week in Malibu, at least here on the blog. You know, to get folks into the upbeat spirit or something.

Don’t like Malibu? Don’t want to read about Malibu? No worries! That is a-okay. We know the pricey, often traffic-clogged city is not to everyone’s taste. Feel free to temporarily tune out and peruse some other real estate websites for the remainder of the week. Then check back in a few days and we promise to serve up some juicy morsels more attuned to your delicate real estate appetites.

For the rest of y’all, today we shall discuss a large and rather uniquely-styled house on the inland side of PCH, a good 6 minutes’ drive from the beach and tucked up behind Malibu High School. The family-sized home was sold recently for the sum of $5,330,000 to one of those all-too-common corporate entities.

Anywho, a wee bit of research reveals the new owner is a 23-year-old lass named Carson Meyer.

Miss Meyer is a local gal — raised in Malibu and an alumnus of Malibu High — who is now striving to carve out a name for herself, deep in the cold and unrepentant belly of Hollywood. Last year, Vanity Fair labeled her “a young actress on the brink of stardom,” and she has had roles in recent films such as The Nice Guys(2016), SPF-18 (2017) and Family Blood (2018).

In case anyone is wondering how the college-age Miss Meyer can afford a multi-million dollar Malibu estate, Yolanda will tell you. Our gurl comes from a wealthy family — very wealthy. Her daddy Ron Meyer — now in his 70s — is a co-founder of talent agency juggernaut CAA (Creative Artists Agency). And for a full 18 years — from 1995 to 2013 — he served as President and CEO of Universal Studios. According to our pal Wiki Pedia, Mr. Meyer is the longest-serving chief of a major motion picture company in the history of Hollywood. In September 2013, Mr. Meyer was promoted (or more like kicked upstairs?) to become Vice Chairman of Universal Studio’s parent company, NBCUniversal.

Miss Meyer is the youngest of Mr. Meyer’s four children, and the second child born to his second (and current) wife, an Australian producer lady named Kelly Chapman. You may also recognize Miss Meyer’s older half-sister Jennifer Meyer, who is a well-known LA jewelry designer and was married to non-working actor Tobey Maguire for more than a decade.

Anyway, Yolanda happens to know that Miss Meyer has already moved into her Malibu pad with her man, singer-songwriter/haiku composer Johnathan Rice.

Heavens to Betsy! We know this might seem a little presumptuous of Yolanda to ask, but ain’t Miss Meyer a little young to be playin’ house with her boyfriend? Or is Yolanda just old-fashioned? Back in our day, it was uncouth for young ladies to call gentlemen on the telephone, especially after certain hours.

But we suppose that in this brave new world of foul-mouthed 9-year-old “flexers”, it really ain’t a big deal.

The large house (5,603-square-feet of living space) was built in 2004 by fine art photographer and gallerist Robert Weingarten, the guy who just sold the place last month to Miss Meyer. The spacious, sloped 1.7-acre lot lies near the end of a quiet cul-de-sac and features distant ocean views. A long gated driveway leads to a motorcourt and three-car garage on the main structure’s side.

To be honest, Yolanda does not have the slightest idea what the proper architectural vernacular is here. Some sort of oddball attempt at an asymmetrical cedar-shingled Dutch Colonial with a gambrel roof? We do understand what the architect(s) were going for — a farmhouse type thing like y’all might find over in the Hamptons. But something about this front facade gives your gurl indigestion. Why is the house so squat, and what’s with all the lumps and bumps? And the attempt at asymmetry comes off as rather clumsy.

But what do we know? Looks like several rich folks wanted this house. The $5.33 million that Miss Meyer paid is actually $80,000 more than the original asking price, and the house sold a mere one month after hittin’ the market. So there you go.

Once one gets past the unusual architecture, the rest of the home is actually quite clean, contemporary, and completely inoffensive. The main floor sports trendy dark hardwood floors that flow throughout the fireplace-equipped living and family rooms. Also on the ground level: a formal dining room that conveniently opens to an outdoor terrace, two powder rooms, a guest/maid’s bedroom suite, a library with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, and a kitchen with a center island and butcher block countertops.

While we appreciate the decorative risk-taking with the island’s blue cabinets, we do not love how they clash with the white in the rest of the kitchen. (Yolanda is also not crazy about that ice-blue tile backsplash, but we digress…)

Upstairs are three additional en-suite bedrooms. The surprisingly enormous master suite includes a large bedroom, a separate fireplace-equipped sitting room, a spa-like master bath with a built-in tub, and two separate walk-in closets.

Connected to the house by a covered outdoor walkway is a separate one-room study/office that Yolanda imagines could be converted into a tiny recording studio or additional storage space of some sort, if Miss Meyer desires either of those things.

One thing that Yolanda definitely appreciates about this property is the setting. The entire house is surrounded by a variety of shaded porches and terraces that provide near-unlimited options for dining, entertaining, and quiet meditation. The grassy and fully landscaped backyard adds to the bucolic feel — y’all could close your eyes, listen to the crickets chirp and almost imagine yourself in Tennessee or Kentucky. Ahh. Or is that just the alcohol talking?

We do wish the property had a better ocean view, but y’all can’t have everything you want. Not even for $5.3 million.

Oh, and Miss Meyer does not need a house with head-on ocean vistas — if she wants one she can just hop in her luxury vehicle and zip over to her parents’ blufftop architectural pad on Malibu’s prodigiously pricey Paradise Cove.

Back in the 90s, Mr. Meyer hired the renowned architect Charles Gwathmey (and his architectural firm Gwathmey Siegel & Associates) to design him a family-sized home on a 3-acre Paradise Cove parcel. The ultra-contemporary Meyer Residence, as Yolanda assumes it is known (?), was completed circa 1999.

Sandwiched between two equally massive estates (one owned by billionaire Public Storage heiress Tamara Gustavson and the other by Bosnian philanthropist Diana Jenkins), the Meyer Residence weighs in with a portly 13,693-square-feet of monolithic interior space. The property features a formal gated entry with an epic long driveway, a tennis court, and football field-sized lawns. And check out that staircase that zigs and zags all the way down the cliff! Shit, that’ll give your buttcheeks a workout.

For more photos of Mr. Meyer’s house, visit Gwathmey Siegel’s website.

Anywho, we know the style of Mr. Meyer’s house may not be to all tastes — a few folks we know have dared to call it “cold” and even “antiseptic” — but Yolanda loves it. And love or hate, everyone can agree that it is certainly somethin’. It is here, at this certainly-somethin’ pad on spectacularly scenic Paradise Cove — with the aquamarine Pacific Ocean as a backdrop — where Miss Meyer was raised.

Lucky girl.

Listing agent: Ellen Francisco, Coldwell Banker
Carson Meyer’s agent: Chris Cortazzo, Coldwell Banker

Our longtime BFF Vlad the Revealer at the Celebrity Aerial Website recently sent us a so-called “urgent” message, arrogantly demanding to know who bought a certain Malibu house. First of all: calm the heck down, son. Don’t get too big for them britches or Yolanda will hose you down with the ice-cold shower water of truth. Sheesh! (Just kidding. We still love Vlad.)

Anyway, records show the new spec-built mansion in question, secreted away near a celeb-studded area, recently sold for $5,665,000 to a mysterious blind trust.

Just a wee bit of research reveals that the new owner is a 29-year-old guy named Mike Moustakas (and his wife Stephanie). He, Yolanda soon learned, is an MLB (pro baseball) star who so far has played eight seasons for the Kansas City Royals. Our Mr. Moustakas — or Moose, as he is nicknamed — is a two-time All-Star and a longtime Royals fan favorite.

Though the family spend baseball season in Kansas, both Mr. Moustakas and his wife were born and raised in the San Fernando Valley neighborhood of Los Angeles — Chatsworth, to be specific. Thus, they spend the off-season time here, where all their family and friends still reside. And the young family is growing! Mr. Moustakas very recently announced the birth of his second child. Hence why they need the big Malibu mansion. Mazel tov!

The 2017-built faux Tuscan villa sort of thing was constructed by local Malibu dude Joey Nittolo. Sitting back behind an epic long driveway (walled and gated, of course), the compound lies just across PCH from the pricey Point Dume neighborhood and has distant horizon views of the Pacific.

Check out that massive retaining wall right next to the driveway. It stands nearly as tall as the two-story house itself! (Looks like that thing could withstand a mudslide or two.)

From our study of property records, Yolanda concludes that the property is comprised of an approximately 4,800-suqare-foot main house and a separate 1,000-square-foot guest house (the latter includes an attached three-car garage). The main “villa” features a double-door main entryway flanked by columns, trendy dark wood floors, and formal living/dining rooms that both open directly to the infinity pool-equipped back yard.

An enormous kitchen features Caesarstone countertops, maple wood cabinetry, an expensive glass-fronted SubZero fridge, and an eye-catching, top-of-the-line BlueStar gas range. An adjoining breakfast table area opens to the outdoor dining space.

The main house has six en-suite bedrooms, two on the main floor and four on the second level. The master includes a private balcony, fireplace, dual vanities, glassy shower, and his-and-hers closet.

As for the 2-bed, 2-bath guest house (lower two photos), it contains a petite kitchen with stainless appliances, a wee living area, and balconies for taking in the expansive views.

Despite the steep slope, the 2-acre pad is completely landscaped with grassy lawns and the banks below the house planted with scrub brushes and such.

Anyway, Yolanda’s research shows that the Moustakas clan are not new to Malibu. Back in 2014, when they were newlyweds and still child-free, Mr. and Mrs. Moustakas paid $1,270,000 for an ocean-view 2-bed, 2.5-bath condo across PCH from (not very) Broad Beach. Though this Malibu starter pad is not currently on the market, we naturally expect the Moustakas fam to unload it in the near future.

We also suspect that Mr. and Mrs. Moustakas own something in the Royals home base of Kansas City, Missouri — after all, he has spent tons of time out there for the past decade — but unfortunately Yolanda ain’t know nothin’ about their Midwest living situation.

Listing agents: Ani Demenjian & Irene Dazzan-Palmer, Coldwell Banker
Mike Moustakas’s agent: Christopher Potter, Pinnacle Estate Properties

Pristine beaches, rugged mountains, scenic PCH. Celebrity sightings. Wannabe celebrity sightings. Nobu.

Malibu is California’s most famous beachside community for all those reasons and more. Correspondingly, it is also California’s most expensive beachside community. The blistering prices extend not only to for-sale properties but also to vacation rentals, like the one we shall discuss today.

Many homeowners in Malibu — particularly those wealthy enough to own on the sand — have multiple other residences. Thus, unfathomable as it may be to mere financial mortals, these obscenely expensive Malibu homes are usually left vacant. Certain neighborhoods give off a ghost town vibe, particularly during the off-season. Drive past Carbon Beach, or down Broad Beach and Malibu Roads during the winter months, and the activity is minimal — precious few cars parked in driveways or signs of life.

Thankfully (for willing owners), there are always scads of out-of-towners looking to rent a luxury pad for a few weeks or months. Some are billionaires seeking nothing more than a quick whiff of the California lifestyle before they jet off to their next vacation, and some are ordinary millionaires who save up for their one month of oceanside fun per year. Still others are renting while they shop for a permanent residence in the area.

And so there are always a plethora of available luxury leases come summertime, all shapes and sizes and styles. You just gotta be willing to pony up the dough. And it’s major dough, y’all.

How much cash will a beachfront rental run ya? In the case of today’s fancy house on Malibu Road — long considered one of the city’s best beaches for surfin’ — the homeowner is asking a reasonable $175,000 per month. And no, kiddies, we did not drunkenly add an extra zero. The pricetag really is $175k.

Well, spank your gurl sideways! That is a big bite of cheese. But guess what? The house is already leased out for the next couple months. All the way until August!

The tenants, Yolanda happens to know, are Olaf Guerrand-Hermès and his wife Eva. Yep, that Hermès. Our boy is the great-great-great-grandson of Thierry Hermès, who founded the iconic French luxury brand way back in 1837 — and the brand is still (nearly 200 years later!) majority owned by the family. Since the untimely death of his brother, our Mr. Guerrand-Hermes is now the sole heir to his 85-year-old father‘s billion-dollar fortune.

Yolanda is now far too pauperish to ever dream of affording anything Hermes, but a wee bit of research reveals that the company’s most well-known products currently seem to be the obscenely expensive Kelly and Birkin handbags, which are frequently seen on the arms of famous ladies. Just one of these bags can cost more than a brand-new BMW 3-Series (and sometimes way more than that).

Anywho, our Mr. Guerrand-Hermes is fairly low profile, but he has experienced his fair share of bad publicity. In 2003, the New York Post infamouslylabeled him a “deadbeat dad“. As Judge Emily Jane Goodman wrote in a scathing rebuke of our boy, “The rich are different … [Hermes] does not work or comply with court-ordered support of his children.” She also called him “hostile, arrogant, and [lacking] credibility“. Good gracious! Come on now, Mr. Guerrand-Hermes. Quit actin’ a fool and pay your damn child support.

Apparently, y’all, Mr. Guerrand-Hermes’s first wife Olga divorced him in 2001 when she discovered he was carrying on an affair with her best friend (who later became pregnant!). Such drama!

Now in his 50s and still gainfully unemployed (as far as Yolanda can tell), Mr. Guerrand-Hermes is married to his second wife Eva, the other woman in the breakup of his first marriage. The couple have two children: a 14-year-old named Elise and an 11-year-old named Raphaela, and nowadays primarily reside in Montecito, CA. (More on that a little later.)

Anyway, Yolanda hears from an unimpeachable source that Mr. Guerrand-Hermes is paying right around $120,000 per month for his stay on the beach. That is significantly under the $175k/mo. ask but still more than most folks earn in an entire year, of course.

Y’all may think that $120k/mo. is a ludicrous figure to spend on a house. But believe it or not, that sum is actually quite common in Malibu and hardly anything record-breaking. Y’all want to know something that really might be record-breaking? Yolanda happens to know that someone else just inked a longterm, four-year lease for a different house on this same street — Malibu Road.

Guess how much that other tenant is paying for his four year stay? Upwards of $6 million. We are not making this up, y’all. $6 million in rent is really something that sounded perfectly logical to someone — someone very rich, obviously. But we digress. That is a story for another day.

The rented Guerrand-Hermes two-story oceanfront contemporary was commission in 2016 by Chris Milner, an ex-Goldman Sachs banker, and built by architect Steve Giannetti. Interior spaces include a double-height great room with an awe-inspiring wall of glass overlooking the sea. Just off the living area is a formal dining table and massive chef’s kitchen with all the requisite top-notch appliances.

Records say the house has 4 beds and 4.5 baths in a spacious 4,236-square-feet of living area. The master suite has ocean views and a telescope, and the sleek master bath has dual vanities and a glassy two-person shower w/ soaking tub.

There are two large outdoor decks on the property: the main floor has an outdoor lounge space w/ fireplace plus a wide swathe of (fake) grass and a hot tub.

The second level features a concrete deck that runs the full width of the residence and features spectacular views from the Palos Verdes Peninsula to Point Dume.

As previously mentioned, Mr. and Mrs. Guerrand-Hermes mainly reside in the low-key but prodigiously expensive neighborhood of Montecito, just outside Santa Barbara. Records show that the couple used a corporate entity to pay $6,700,000 for their Mediterranean-style villa way back in 2008.

In 2016, the property was briefly listed for sale with an $9.25 million ask. The old listing indicates the estate has 3,747-square-feet of living space on a fully-landscaped 2.62-acre lot, complete with a pool and lush formal gardens.

We digress. Enjoy your stay in Malibu and your break from the tedium of Montecito, Mr. Guerrand-Hermes. And please, baby, pay your damn child support. Don’t make Yolanda hunt you down.

Listing agent: Damon Skelton, Compass
Olaf Guerrand-Hermes’s agent: Jeremiah Eden, Sotheby’s International Realty

A few days ago, Yolanda was contacted by a curious reader named Tammy Jo. Our friend TJ kindly requested a review of actress/global sex symbol Megan Fox‘s Malibu home. If any of y’all follow celebrity gossip, you may recall that Miss Fox and her recently-purchased Malibu house were featured on TMZ last week. And good news for gossipers: there is big-time drama with the purchase, y’all.

Condensed version: it seems that Ms. Fox is majorly pissed off and fit to be hog-tied about several problems with the property (mold, features not up to code, a failing slope). And she is now suing the seller for a whopping $5 million. She even called the place a “nightmarish living hell“! Oh dear.

“Show us pictures of her Malibu dump!” demanded TJ.

Well, kiddies, this next statement might shock y’all. But we must confess that Yolanda does not know everything. While we do try to keep tabs on LA real estate, this is a big city and a bigger county. And there is still plenty of stuff that slips right through the cracks. Matter of fact, we had no idea that Miss Megan even owned a house in Malibu. Truly!

Naturally, being the nosy gal we are, we immediately dove headfirst into a massive pile of property records. Soon we discovered that yes, documents clearly show that Ms. Fox used a blind trust to pay $3,300,000 for a 2.03-acre Malibu property back in May 2016.

We have absolutely no idea how we missed this on the first go-around, but we do apologize and beg forgiveness. Like we say, these things happen. Anyway, it does not seem as though any other sites have posted photos of her moldy Malibu mess just yet — so let’s take a quick peek.

Well, the house certainly appears charming enough and nothing like a “nightmarish living hell”, at least in listing photos. Located in the hidden Ramirez Canyon gated community just across PCH from Paradise Cove, the bucolic mini-estate is surrounded by other similarly sized properties, two of them owned by Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth.

Per records, the seller of the house (and the person being sued by Miss Fox) is a lady named Cynthia Pett-Dante, the manager of Brad Pitt and ex-wife of actor Peter Dante.

According to the listing, the 1965 structure has been “extensively” updated with hardwood floors throughout the main level. The living/dining room has some rather unfortunate furniture and a fireplace with stone surround; the kitchen has stainless appliances and an eat-in bar area.

There are a total of four beds and four baths in the architecturally ambiguous 3,328-square-foot residence: the master suite (or “owner’s suite,” as it is referred to in listing deets) has a bedroom with vaulted ceiling and sitting area. The bathroom with built-in jacuzzi tub and a glassy shower — both are surrounded by some rather icky-looking grey stone.

According to Ms. Fox’s lawsuit, the master bedroom and bathroom were the location of much of the residence’s mold. Yikes! (It should be noted that the vaulted ceilings in the master suite have lots of exposed wood. Is the mold hiding in all those crevices? Look! Can y’all see it?!).

Well, the house may be a mold-infested hot mess. But at least the outdoors are pretty, right? Ms. Fox has a couple acres of land for swimming’, hikin’, and loungin’ in the sun. See the mountains! See those trees! Look, there’s the ocean way out in the distance!

But nope. Ms. Fox says this place is a nightmare too, y’all. The blissful facade (allegedly) masks an undercurrent of deceit and despair: failing slopes, non-permitted animal facilities, oh my!

Forgive us if Yolanda seems glib about Ms. Fox’s unfortunate real estate situation. Understand that we have not seen the entire lawsuit, nor are we privy to all the facts and circumstances. We are just judging based on what we read on TMZ. But it seems to your gurl that all of Ms. Fox’s complaints are things that could (and should) have been easily caught during the inspection period prior to her purchase.

Did Ms. Fox waive the inspections? Did she hire an inspector suggested by the seller? If so, we believe that was not a very bright move! Not for any house, really — and especially not for a $3.3 million house.

Of course, a seller should always disclose all potential problems to prospective buyers. And maybe Ms. Fox hired her own inspector — and that person just did a shoddy job. We suppose it is only natural that Ms. Fox would be hoppin’ mad and sue-happy over all that.

Either way, Yolanda always wishes real estate happiness on all folks, be they rich or poor, famous or average Joes and Janes. So get that settlement, Ms. Fox. Get those problems fixed, or get a new pad. Do what you gotta do. Then get to living again.

Listing agents: Chris Cortazzo & Paul Woodman, Coldwell Banker
Megan Fox’s agent: Brenda Catalano, Coldwell Banker

Right across PCH from Malibu’s world-famous Paradise Cove is a small gated enclave secreted away in a lush canyon. The area — Ramirez Canyon, as it is known — is strenuously private, and most outsiders are unaware it exists. As such, homeowners of the multi-acre properties in here include a variety of famous and semi-famous folks: Miley Cyrus, actor Liam Hemsworth, retired TV producer Marcy Carsey, music man Don Henley, Caitlyn Jenner’s son Brandon Jenner, former baseball star Derrek Lee, and global sex symbol Megan Fox (our Ms. Fox is currently suing 13 different people/parties in connection to alleged problems with her Ramirez Canyon spread, but we digress).

Also in the gated community is a large estate known to be owned by the Rothschild family. Yes, kiddies, those Rothschilds — the influential folks who were the world’s wealthiest family throughout much of the 1800s and still possess the largest private fortune known in modern history.

Though the highly secretive clan’s unfathomable wealth has been diluted among hundreds of descendants, many individual members remain extraordinarily wealthy. Chief among those is multi-billionaire Sir Evelyn de Rothschild, the 86-year-old philanthropist and investor who has long served as a financial advisor to Her Royal Highness herself: Queen Elizabeth II.

Sir Evelyn — who has a vacation home in Martha’s Vineyard — has been married thrice and has three adult children, at least two of whom spend a significant amount of time living in Los Angeles. One of those is his elder son Anthony de Rothschild, who in May 2015 paid $6,150,000 for a two-parcel property deep in the Ramirez Canyon community.

The 41-year-old Anthony obviously does not need to work, but the internet shows he toils as an investor and is also, apparently, an art collector and philanthropist. In 2005, the relatively low-profile fellow married Danish model Tania Strecker, an ex-girlfriend of both Guy Ritchie and Robbie Williams. It does not appear as though Mr. Rothschild and Ms. Strecker have any children, although they are inactive on social media so we would not know if they did. Matter of fact, we are not even certain if these two are still married!

Anyway, we digress. Mr. Rothschild paid the aforementioned $6.15 million for the Malibu estate in 2015 and then proceeded to spend untold millions to renovate every square inch of the house and re-landscape the entire 14 acres of bucolic land.

The result is a rustic but decidedly luxurious spread more obviously reminiscent of Napa Valley than anything typically associated with Malibu. And according to a little friend of ours, Mr. Rothschild has opted to quietly pocket-list the estate with an unknown asking price that may or may not be in the $20 million range.

Egads! That is a lot of money — particularly for this neighborhood pocket, where it would most assuredly set a new record if sold.

According to our little snitch, the entire property is now walled, gated, and heavily secured with all the latest stuff: camera and infrared technology and all that juicy jazz. Once past the gates and gadgets, a meandering driveway leads to the approximately 3,000-square-foot house with its white stone and reclaimed hardwood floors.

Snitch snitch also informed us that the house has been remodeled not once but twice over the past three years (apparently Mr. Rothschild is quite the perfectionist!) and it now includes a commodious great room with a vaulted ceiling and ocean views. The entire place is furnished in an elegantly casual manner with “neutral and natural materials“, according to the listing.

The great room opens up to a rustic-chic kitchen with high-end appliances galore and an adjacent breakfast table area. Conveniently just outside the sliding glass door is a spacious patio with a plethora of seating options, a BBQ grill, and a wood-burning pizza oven.

There are a total of 4 beds and 3.5 baths in the house, though this is clearly a residence for a single person or a child-free couple: the home’s entire second story is taken up by the master suite. And why not? The resort-quality bedroom features views of the lush grounds and the ocean, and the hedonistic master bath has a shower, soaking tub, and dual dressing rooms and closets.

An all-new swimming pool has a raised edge that rather makes it look as though the water flows right into the house. Yolanda loves the shady seating area above the water. Couldn’t y’all just imagine curling up on that couch with a good book, a glass of white wine, and the birds chirping in the sycamore trees? Ahhh! What a life.

There are not one but two detached art studios/offices on the sprawling estate. Both are pleasantly light-filled and open to majestic views of the rolling hills, the pastoral lawns, and the vividly blue ocean way off in the distance.

Yolanda has no idea if all of this will be sufficient to woo someone with $20 million to spend on a house, but damn. This is a nice place! And there is absolutely no doubt that Mr. Rothschild has invested a great deal of money to cobble this compound together.

We haven’t the faintest inkling where Mr. Rothschild is hankerin’ to move. However, for the record, we do know that his sister Jessica owns an equally sumptuous estate over in the Hollywood Hills.

Records indicate that Ms. Rothschild — married to director/producer Sacha Gervasi, she is — paid Ryan Seacrest $10,983,000 in 2012 for the big-ass tennis court compound, which was also once owned by actor Kevin Costner. The house is set securely behind a massive gate and has a full-fledged Fort Knox-like security system. Naturally.

Listing agent: Chris Cortazzo, Coldwell Banker