Yolanda knows this guy who we’ve previously referred to on the blog as “Tip Ster”. Our Mr. Ster resides in the West Hollywood area, and seems he knows everyone’s beeswax in his neck of the woods. A couple times already he has either pointed Yolanda to homes that were purchased by this or that celeb or given us some juicy neighborhood gossip.
Well, over the weekend Mr. Ster wrote in and asked Yolanda if we were ever planning to write about A$AP Rocky‘s new house. So Yolanda did what anyone else would do and cornily shouted “what the hell is A$AP Rocky?!?! Sounds like the newest flavor down at the Dairy Queen!!!”
Poor Mr. Ster shook his head at Yolanda’s loudly proclaimed ignorance and assured us that Mr. Rocky is in fact a very real person with very real money. Mr. Rocky was born Rakim Meyers in Harlem, New York back in 1988. By 22, Mr. Rocky had released his first rap mixtape called Live. Love. A$AP. The success of that led to Mr. Rocky’s first #1 album Long. Live. A$AP. which then led to his second #1 album At. Long. Last. A$AP.
Holy moly! That’s a lot of periods. And a lot of capital L’s.
Now don’t think for a moment that Yolanda is some sort of salty hater or whatever fun buzzwords you kids like to use nowadays. We’re not dissin’ Mr. Rocky by saying we don’t know him. It’s just that Yolanda is an old hag and many of these young new entertainment industry folks — particularly those in the music industry — are completely unknown to us. It’s our own fault with not keeping up with the tunes. We’re not implying they are not talented, rich, famous and/or successful, okay? Okay.
Anywho, Mr. Rocky’s success in music has brought him perks in other arenas of life. He has his own clothing line, and he’s also a record producer, which Yolanda happens to know can be a very profitable line of work. Oh, and Mr. Rocky is also popular with the ladies. From 2011 to 2012, he dated fellow rapper and thank-God-she’s-already-a-hasbeen Iggy Azalea. From 2013 to 2014, he was coupled with top model Chanel Iman. Since 2015, Mr. Rocky has been repeatedly linked to one of those krazy Kardashians. We can’t be bothered to figure out which K-Klan member it is and we also have no clue whether they are currently coupled or not. Maybe one of y’all insiders can fill us in, should you be reading this. Be a dear?
As busy as Mr. Rocky is, he somehow dug up time to buy a multi-million dollar LA starter house. At least according to Mr. Ster, who pointed us to a newly-constructed, boxy confection akin to so many other new homes in the WeHo/Beverly Grove area. Yolanda did a little digging into property records and we discovered that the residence in question was last sold way back in April 2015 for $3,050,000 to something called “Ricky Trust”. It only took Yolanda a bit more research before we were able to conclusively link Mr. Rocky to both the house and the trust. We have heard that Mr. Rocky lets his older brother Ricky (fancy that!) and his younger sister Erika Black stay at this home whenever they are in town, which is pretty gosh-darn swell of him.
(Now that we think about it, Mr. Rocky must be dating the tall Kardashian gurl, the pretty one with the dishwater personality. The other one has the troublemaker boyfriend who would probably bounce food stamps if he were able, right? No way could that guy afford a $3 million house!)
Like many new houses in this area, the modern casa has an open floor plan — the entire ground floor is one giant room. The massive wood front door swings inward to reveal what may or may not be white oak flooring and endless rows of recessed lights. Good grief. One current design trend that Yolanda wishes would fade away is this lighting scheme. In our opinion it’s not attractive at all — just makes the ceiling look full of open sores. Ah, well.
In addition to the living/family area with fireplace, there’s a sunken “conversation area” next to the staircase that somehow reminds Yolanda of the legendary Cone of Silence. The formal dining table appears positively puny.
The minimalist “Italian kitchen” has designer appliances and an olive-green-and-blonde-wood paint scheme that we somehow love. Going batty in our old age, perhaps?
All of the 4,321-square-foot house’s 5 bedrooms are located upstairs. Upon reaching the top landing, those fortunate enough to be granted VIP access are greeted by an unusual open-sky patio lounge with fireplace and some hanging plants.
As expected, the grey-and-cream master suite is spare but does have plenty of space for art. Out that glass sliding door in the bedroom is a balcony that overlooks the snug backyard and (unfortunately) some nearby power lines.
Speaking of the backyard, it’s definitely petite — some rude folks may even dare to label it cramped — but the developer did manage to squeeze a zero-edge plunge pool and spa. Plus there’s a grass patch just big enough for Fido to take care of his business.
The centrally-located house (it sits in a prime area between Melrose Ave and Beverly Blvd) is walking distance to all sorts of fabulous restaurants and shops that include Jar and Angelina Osteria. And of course, the world-famous Sunset Strip is an easy 10-minute jaunt by car.
Not that’s it’s really any of our business, but if you ask us the Kardashians should try to keep Mr. Rocky around. Seems like all of their other men have major issues. Drugs, brothels, evictions, mental illness *coughKanyecough*, and all-around douchebaggery, At least this guy has his own money and his own place and is relatively normal (or so it would seem)!
But then, that’s probably the reason they’ll drop him right quick, ain’t it? A freakshow can’t function without its merry band of freaks, and a a Kardashian show without freaks is no show at all.