Don’t quote Yolanda on this, but we are pretty damn sure that Southern California has more luxury residential gated communities than any other region of the United States. And maybe even more than any other region of the world, but that’s really a far too aggressive statement so we won’t go there. But there’s a lot of gated communities down here. Trust.

For as long as Yolanda can remember, there has been one gated enclave to rule all SoCal gated enclaves. All the biggest, baddest, most expensive homes anywhere are there. It’s called Beverly Park. And although it ain’t actually located in Beverly Hills (it’s in the Beverly Hills Post Office area), it does have a private, residents-only park.

There are a few reasons why Beverly Park is considered the ne plus ultra gated community. Firstly, all the homes are gigantic. The smallest house in Beverly Park is roughly 8,000-square-feet. We’d guess that the average size is about 15,000 and the very largest homes can exceed a mind-numbing 30,000, which is probably bigger than some suburban shopping malls. Just sayin’.

Then there are the residents. Beverly Park is famous for its famous folk. Denzel Washington, Samuel L. Jackson, Jami Gertz, Rod Stewart and Sylvester Stallone are longtime residents. Billionaire moguls also pollute the streets — Alec Gores, Haim Saban, Steve Udvar-Hazy, Sumner Redstone and Peter Sondakh. Throw in several Saudi princes and some shady Russians and you’ve got a regular Beverly Park cookout. (As if that ever happens!)

Security measures are Presidential. There are at least three full-time gate guards at all times, plus mobile security folks patrolling the streets. No photography is allowed behind the gates (except on one’s own property) and folks must let the guardshack know at least 24 hours in advance and hire their own valet service if they plan to have a party of any size. In addition to the stringent security measures, many of the residents also have their own private security teams. It’s all a bit overkill and ridiculous, in Yolanda’s opinion. But hey, some folks like living in a very swanky fortified compound.

Beverly Park can be accessed from two different guarded gates, neither of which is particularly convenient for anyone. There’s a gate up on Mulholland Drive that’s sorta out in the middle of nowhere and several minutes’ drive from the nearest canyon road, which is itself several minutes drive’ from the nearest commercial businesses. The other gate lies at the top of a long, narrow road that begins in the northern section of the city of Beverly Hills and goes way, way up past a bunch of (mostly) smallish houses until it dead-ends at the guard shack.

Unfortunately for Beverly Park folks, however, Yolanda believes the community has seen better days. While hotspots like Trousdale Estates and Holmby Hills seem to set new price records every year, the handful of homes for sale in Beverly Park have been languishing on the market for months, suggesting there just ain’t many people interested in owning one of these bodacious behemoths. At least not at these current price points. It could have something to do with the location or the fact that most rich folks want ultra-modern homes these days, not the old world-style palaces that fill the whisper-quiet B.P. streets.

Well, maybe there’s still one or two interested buyers out there. In late December (2016) a mansion listed at $31 million recently sold. That’s right, sold. SOLD. S.O.L.D.!

So who could the buyer be? Surprisingly, it isn’t an A-list movie star, big-name billionaire mogul, or a shady Russian. Rather, the stupendously wealthy buyers are an ultra-low-profile married couple from Arcadia (CA) named Yongbin Luo and Ruixue Huang.

Our Mr. Luo is or was CEO of OneWorld Star International (OSI), a Hong Kong-based garment manufacturer with additional facilities in Los Angeles. In October 2016, just two months before he and Ms. Huang spent a fat $26,500,000 on a mammoth Beverly Park palace, Mr. Luo sold OSI to a larger, publicly-traded Chinese company for $280 million USD.

So rest assured that Mr. Luo and Ms. Huang can well afford just about any house they want.

In a strange coincidence — or perhaps not — Yolanda’s research suggests that Mr. Luo has business connections with at least two other current Beverly Park residents. One is Mexican investor Fabian Oberfeld, the owner of apparel manufacturer Unger Fabrik. Mr. Oberfeld’s company was — at least until the recent sale — in a parnership with Mr. Luo’s Oneworld Apparel LLC.

The other business connection is billionaire Alec Gores, whose Gores Group was (again, until recently!) a major investor in both Unger Fabrik and Oneworld Apparel.

Could Mr. Luo & Ms. Huang have been convinced to buy in Beverly Park after seeing how Mr. Oberfeld and Mr. Gores were living? Don’t laugh. Yolanda wouldn’t be the least bit surprised.

The Tuscan-style mansion spans a plus-size 17,100-square-feet with 7 bedrooms and 12.5 bathrooms. It was originally spec-built back in 1999 by a developer who sold the property in 2000 to a Houston-based couple named Kenneth & Grace Jacobson. The Jacobsons, in turn, flipped the property in 2002 for $8,700,000 to retired professional slugger Barry Bonds.

Out Mr. Bonds held onto the property for a dozen years and significantly expanded it during his ownership tenure. In early 2014, after more than a year on the market, he managed to unload it for $22,000,000 to a low-profile Russian merchant trader named Alexei Kourotchkine or Alexey Kurochkin or something like that.

Mr. Kurochkin bought the place to flip, so it would seem. Only a year after purchasing it, he threw it back on the market with an asking price of $36,000,000. That’s a rather shocking $15 million more than he paid for the unchanged house scarcely more than a year prior.

Anyway, the property entered escrow about a year ago — Yolanda heard a Saudi Prince was the buyer, but we can’t confirm that. However, something must’ve happened because that escrow went kaput! and the house languished on the market until along came Mr. Luo & Ms. Huang who paid $26,500,000. That’s a gasp-worthy $9.5 million less than Mr. Kurochkin originally wanted, but it’s also still $4.5 million more than he paid less than three years ago.

Things get very beige indoors. A spacious living room has a barrel vaulted ceiling with a fireplace and an ornate, carved mantel. Several sets of French doors lead out to a covered terrace and the grassy backyard beyond. The double-height family room has cathedral-esque arched overlooks above and another fireplace below. On either side of the bigscreen TV are two massive aquariums.

The library goes for an old world look with wood-paneled walls, garden views, heavy duty curtains, and even a few bookcases. The huge, shiny Mac computer seems a bit outta place here — we’d have expected a typewriter, ya know?

The kitchen looks woefully 90s and far too dated for a $26.5 million house, but at least there’s no pot rack. And we love the hardwood floors, which are so highly polished that Yolanda thinks it might be dangerous for a lady with a short skirt to stand on it with other folks around.

There’s a beige formal dining room that seats 10 and a beige informal breakfast room that seats 8 and is bigger than most formal dining rooms. Sets of French doors lead out to the covered terrace, which has a circular table for playing cards or enjoying an outside snack.

Naturally, $26.5 million buys a lot of extravagant amenities. There’s a rather Roccocco home theater with raised seating and a massive wet bar. The murals of Tuscany are a bit much for Yolanda’s design point of view, but they appear to be well done. Elsewhere there’s a gym with lots of very scary-looking equipment.

Yolanda was surprised that there were only a couple photos of the master suite, one of which is in the upper left-hand corner. It’s big and very beige and has all the requisite amenities.

Outdoors there’s a basketball/sport court, a swimming pool w/ spa, and a soccer-sized lawn.

Oh, and the 1.85-acre lot also comes with convenient pool changing facilities.

Behind the garage is a two story guest house that’s sort of a mini-replica of the main house. The rooms are smaller but equipped with the same finishes and materials and things are equally beige.

As for Mr. Luo and Ms. Huang, we’re not sure when they plan to officially move into their big Beverly Park behemoth, but we do know that they currently reside out in the San Gabriel Valley region of LA, in the heavily Chinese city of Arcadia (CA).

Back in March 2012, Mr. Luo & Ms. Huang paid $3,300,000 for a 5,905-square-foot luxury tract house in the guard-gated Anoakia Estates community in the Upper Rancho area of Arcadia. This particular gated community was master-planned by a developer from Orange County. There are 31 homes, all of which are 5,000 or 6,000-square-foot mini-mansions built in a faux-Spanish or faux-Tuscan style.

Just to give you an idea of how Asian Arcadia has become, nearly all the 31 homes behind the Anoakia Estates gates are owned by folks with Chinese-sounding last names. And don’t laugh or spout some nonsense about “who would wanna live in the San Gabriel Valley?!”. The current average price in Anoakia Estates is about $4 million, so it’s still plenty pricey.

But look at Mr. Luo & Ms. Huang’s house. A multi-million dollar McMansion in Arcadia and no pool? Damn! Sorry, Yolanda ain’t feelin’ it.

Now then, Arcadia may not be known as a particularly sexy place to live. True enough. But it is widely (and sometimes snidely) referred to as the “Chinese Beverly Hills” for the vast amount of wealthy Mainland Chinese who have purchased real estate there. Chinese businessmen and corrupt government officials will often buy Arcadia mansions for their wives, mistresses, and even high school-age kids. Lamborghinis, Ferraris, and Bentleys are common sights out there — as are spec-mansions worth up to $10 million. All these changes have goaded decidedly mixed reactions from onlookers.

But we digress.

Listing agents: Mauricio Umansky, The Agency; Alla Furman, Hilton & Hyland
Selling agent: Nancy Chan, Berkshire Hathaway HomeService

Put on your thunkin’ caps and you may or may not recall something important. Oh, and you may also recall that it was only about two weeks ago when Yolanda discussed the new Hollywood Hills house of Calum Hood, a member of bubblegum boyband 5 Seconds of Summer. 

A few days ago, as we were minding our own blog business, a young 5SOS fan who we’ll call Shiverme Timbers contacted Yolanda outta the blue with a story request. Now, we always enjoy getting story requests from folks who follow this hot mess of a blog. We’re not always able to accommodate everyone because (contrary to popular opinion!) Yolanda is not omnipotent. But we do our very best.

Anyway, young Miss Timbers’ request interested Yolanda because she provided some hardcore Instagram evidence to go along with it. The evidence very clearly indicated that 5SOS frontman Luke Hemmings had purchased a new house somewhere in LA. And not that Yolanda is one to blow her own beeper, but it took us under two minutes of searching to locate the house in question.

Located on a narrow dead-end road in a rather difficult-to-access part of the celeb-popular Laurel Canyon neighborhood of the Hollywood Hills, the 3,127-square-foot multi-story boxy structure looms tall above the driveway below. A Chinese Red doorway provides a small yet pleasant visual relief from the relentlessly grey house, which very obviously dates to the 1980s. 1989, to be precise. Property records reveal young Mr. Hemmings coughed up $1,525,000 for the pad.

Now, kiddies, Yolanda harbors no ill will toward the ’80s. Quite the opposite, actually. It’s our favorite decade in history. We love wearing neon biker shorts and we still watch Muppet Babies religiously. But that decade also brought us the Yugo and shoulder pads and a peculiar vintage of residential architecture. And those things — in Yolanda’s meaningless opinion — would be best forgotten.

That’s not to say the house is absolutely irredeemable. We may not care for the looks (check out that massive front overhang!) but we do like the big windows (even if the view ain’t exactly thrilling). Overall, however, it’s far too dated and all-white for Yolanda. The living room, dining room, and kitchen all sport black concrete flooring.

A black concrete dining table adjoins a triangular-shaped kitchen. While dated, the room has a vaulted ceiling with top-notch appliances like a Viking range and SubZero fridge.

As best as Yolanda can tell, the master bedroom is located on the third (top) level and includes a slim outdoor deck with peek-a-boo views of the mountains and surrounding treetops.

Across the landing from the master suite is a privately-situated spare bedroom and somewhere also on the top level there’s a large outdoor deck with lovely vistas. Too bad about the oddball glass observation chamber that ruins the view for folks sitting on the couch, eh?

The ground level has a low-ceilinged and carpeted room that is rather generously described in listing materials as a “gym”.

The .14-acre sloped lot means there ain’t much outside in the way of conventional yard space, but Mr. Hemmings will enjoy the private high-walled back patio and the rather untamed slope of the yard means he has plenty of space for 5 Minutes of Hiking. As far as Yolanda knows, this is the first house purchased in LA or anywhere by his 20-year-old self.

And really, kids, even though our previous comments may indicate otherwise, Yolanda actually like this house. Yes, it’s hopelessly dated. Yes, we think this is what a person who wants to live in the Birds Streets but can’t afford it would buy. But it takes us back to the days of yore, to our spangled purple one piece bathing suit, our red 1982 Buick Skylark, long nights spent at the Tit-for-Tat on exit 15 off the Turnpike.

Definitely nothing wrong with that.

Listing agents: Aaron Leider & Blanche D’Souza, Keller Williams Brentwood
Luke Hemmings’ agent: Jonathan London, Compass

A lot of wealthy folks still seem to be under outdated, preconceived notions about the Hancock Park/Windsor Square neighborhoods of Los Angeles. They say there’s too much traffic, there’s too much crime, people there are too stodgy and blue-blooded and old money.

Which is all a bit of a shame because the area is actually highly diverse — more so than most other pricey LA enclaves — and increasingly youthful. And the houses are historic and often quite beautiful. And there’s really no more crime than, say, in the Hollywood Hills. Come on now. But still the stigma persists.

But a change, it is a-comin’. Folks are slowly beginning to realize the residential treasures that the area holds. A tanker load of new money has flooded the historic homes and thus prices are skyrocketin’ right quick. One textbook example is former Beverly Hills residents Netflix CCO Ted Sarandos and his wife Nicole Avant, who made jaws drop back in 2014 when they rudely slapped down a record-busting $15,947,000 for the Hancock Park residence of Melanie Griffith & Antonio Banderas.

Kat Von D, Holly Madison, Shonda Rhimes, George Takei, Damon Wayans, Kathy Bates, and Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne all own massive mansions in the centrally-located neighborhood. Most of those folks are the exact opposite of blue bloods, wouldn’t y’all say?

Here’s another example. Only two years ago (January 2015) a stately but stale 1917 mansion sold for $3,850,00 to a flipper/developer who waved his magic modern wand over the property and sold it just a few days ago for an impressive $8,000,000.

The buyers are shielded behind a blind trust, but Yolanda happens to know that they are veteran TV actress JoAnna Garcia and her pro baseball player hubby Nick Swisher. A close examination of property records reveals that the house may technically be owned solely by Ms. Garcia, but for the sake of simplicity and since we ain’t privy to their financial arrangements we’re just gonna say it was both Mr. Swisher and Ms. Garcia who forked out the big bucks.

Our Ms. Garcia — a Florida native — has been bouncing around Hollywood for over 20 years and has popped up in many wonderful films and TV shows. Mostly TV shows.

Per our good friend Mr. Wiki Pedia, Ms. Garcia’s best-known small screen roles are as Sam in Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Cheyenne Hart-Montgomery on Reba. But she’s also starred in many projects of a more current nature, such as in Privileged (2008–09), Better with You (2010–11), Animal Practice (2012), Once Upon a Time (2013–present) and The Astronaut Wives Club (2015).

We can’t say we’ve ever heard of Mr. Swisher before, but according to our friend Mr. Pedia, he’s playing in Major League Baseball since 2004 for a whole bunch of teams: the Oakland Athletics, Chicago White Sox, New York Yankees, Cleveland Indians, and Atlanta Braves. He even won the 2009 World Series with the Yankees and was an All-Star in 2010. At one point Mr. Swisher even had a $70 million contract with the Indians. So suffice to say he’s a pretty big deal.

The Traditional-style house has the flair of an Italian villa! Or maybe that’s just Yolanda’s liquid lunch talking. Either way, the exterior is festooned with all sorts of delicious architecutral doodads. The double front door opens to a vaulted entrance hall that continues into a step-down great room and — in a distinctly modern manner — also provides a clear view of the backyard through the glass rear wall.

Separate corridors off the main entrance hall lead to various other rooms, like the formal living and family rooms. The wide-plank oak flooring motif continues throughout the main floor.

The great room features a flat screen TV and another fireplace (Yolanda counts at least three on the first level). Sets of glass-paned doors dramatically bring the outdoors right inside and vice versa. Somewhere on the ground floor there’s a wine room with tasting table and spotlights to bring the vintage into clear view for boozy eyes. How thoughtful!

Also conveniently located off the main entrance hall is the formal dining room and the gourmet kitchen. Naturally, the massive center island is slathered in Calacatta marble (although the listing says Calcutta, so maybe the marble is actually from India? Hmm.) All the appliances are high-end and the backsplash is that trendy white brick.

The staircase sports an interesting chandelier overhead — multiple blown glass round globes of different sizes. Looks like something Jeff Koons might dream up. Yolanda’s not an expert in chandeliers, so we don’t know who was responsible for this piece, but we like it. And y’all can be assured it costs more than the new Caddy sitting in our driveway.

The master suite has yet another fireplace in the bedroom. Dual bathrooms have have walk-in showers and soaking tubs. Walls in his bathroom get a cool wood treatment, while hers is saddled with the ubiquitous Calacatta or Carrara marble. If this were our house, Yolanda would make her man trade her, for sure. Including the master suite, there are a total of 6 bedrooms and 7.5 bathrooms.

The backyard isn’t huge (remember, the property is only .41-acre), but it has numerous amenities including an outdoor dining table with plenty of grub space, a firepit, and an outdoor family room with a fireplace. There’s even a dirt trough for bocce ball games!

A bit bizarre is that built-in flatscreen TV, which is certainly great for parties. But what happens when it rains? Ain’t it bad for the screen or something?

And that pizza oven reminds us of the LIN Demolitionmech from the Star Wars universe.

In any case, the house is located in a fabulous neighborhood in the middle of LA. Thus, it’s perfect for entertaining and the developer/flipper clearly kept that in mind during the renovation/expansion process. We love the house.

Another thing we love is how elaborate the marketing for these high-end homes has become. Regular old photos or even drone footage just doesn’t cut it anymore. The agent for this property actually filmed a mini-movie starring this house. There are “actors” and even a “storyline” that features a young family (dad, mom, kids). They come home, do family stuff and then grandma and even the family golden retriever helps the kids prepare a surprise anniversary dinner for their parents. Cute.

It’s certainly somethin’, ain’t it? In any case, we must give kudos to the real estate agent. The house sold for just 5% under the original ask, which is pretty damn good.

Anyway, this ain’t Ms. Garcia’s first time at the wild real estate rodeo. Way back in 2006, long before she hitched her wagon to Mr. Swisher’s donkey, Ms. Garcia paid $2,395,000 for a bachelorette pad located on a celeb-friendly street located just above the world-famous Sunset Strip. Not that it really matters to her fat pocketbook, but Ms. Garcia took a $101,000 loss on the property when she sold it last year (July 2016) for $2,294,000 to a non-celebrity couple.

Mr. Swisher is similarly unlucky with real estate — last year he attempted (and failed) to sell his penthouse bachelor pad in Scottsdale, Arizona for $1,849,000. That price happens to be nearly $440,000 less than what he paid for the place back in 2008. Gulp.

As of right now, Mr. Swisher has his unused luxury unit currently available for lease at $6,000 per month.

Mr. Swisher also owns a 7,124-square-foot, 5-bed/9-bath mcmansion that just happens to be located in Ms. Garcia’s hometown of Tampa, Florida. The corner lot house, which sits just across the street from Chapman Lake, was acquired for $2,957,500 back in June of 2010.

Listing agent: H. Blair Chang, The Agency
Ms. Garcia & Mr. Swisher’s agent: Alex Brunkhorst, The Agency

Can you tell that Yolanda is way, way behind? It’s just now, nearly a month late, that we’re getting around to cataloging the biggest LA County residential sales of 2016. So let’s get right through this and we can move on to more delightful 2017 things.

First, a wee bit of analytics: the average sale price of our top 20 sales in ’16 was a blistering $42,614,900. That’s way up from ’15’s average of $36,900,300. The major drivers of that increase, of course, were three enormous transactions — all of which took place in the tiny but ultra-prime Holmby Hills area of Los Angeles.

Another thing Yolanda noticed this year was the comparative lack of international buyers versus recent years past. Sixteen of these twenty parcels were bought by either born-and-bred US of A residents or by folks who have primarily resided here for a very, very long time. Other than that, there were just two houses bought by Britons, one house bought by a Frenchman, and one vacant lot bought by a anonymous person of unknown origin.

There are several possibilities as to why this could be happening. The strength of the dollar is certainly a factor. Foreign governments are cracking down on illicit millions leaving their counties. And then there’s the real estate prices over here, which continue to skyrocket with no end in sight. Maybe foreigners don’t think LA land is such a great deal anymore? Anyone care to enlighten Yolanda?

Although most buyers on this list hail from America, their backgrounds are fairly diverse. Yolanda counts seven homes bought by folks from the financial services arena, six purchased by professional real estate investors, two snapped up by people from the fashion/luxury goods industry. There’s one person from the tech world and at least two buyers whose wealth seems to primarily derive from a family inheritance. Oh, and there’s the incomparable singer/dancer/actress/entertainer/big booty queen Jennifer Lopez, who put all other celebrities to shame with her Bel Air acquisition.

More observations: thirteen of these sales took place outside the MLS. At least eight of the properties were never listed on the open market at all. And the fondness for the ultra-wealthy has shown for LLCs in past years has certainly not abated.

Let’s dig in, shall we?

1) $100,000,000 — 10236 Charing Cross Road, Los Angeles (Holmby Hills)

Seller: Playboy Enterprises via Mansion Holdings LLC
Buyer: Daren Metropoulos via Mapleton Manor LLC

In what was perhaps the most widely-publicized residential real estate transaction of 2016 (and for good reason!) 32-year-old billionaire heir Daren Metropoulos paid a record-shattering $100,000,000 for the Playboy Mansion. Mr. Metropoulos already owns the house next door and plans to combine that property with this property for a billionaire-style mega-compound. Yolanda sincerely hopes he’s got another few million bucks saved up for the truckload of bleach and disinfectant that the 5+ acres of STD-infested grounds will require.

2) $100,000,000 — 301 N. Carolwood Drive, Los Angeles (Holmby Hills)

Seller: Gala Asher & Ed Berman via Carolwood Drive Properties LLC
Buyer: Tom Gores via Lorac Holdings LLC

Lightning apparently strikes twice: just two months after the Playboy Mansion transferred, multi-billionaire Tom Gores forked out another $100 million for a brand-new mega-mansion on the other side of Sunset Boulevard. The house has three pools, 30,000-square-feet of living space, and enough florescent (LED?) lighting to power half the Vegas strip.

Keep in mind that this was not a standard sale. It did not involve $100 million in cash — rather, Mr. Gores paid $30 million in cash and traded in two of his other luxury properties for this house. We’ll get to those two properties in just a minute.

3) $90,000,000 — 141 South Carolwood Drive, Los Angeles (Holmby Hills)

1. Seller: Dawn Arnall via Davis Carolwood Holdings LLC
   Buyer: Woodbridge Luxury Homes via Sturmer Pippin Investments LLC

   Bob Shapiro’s Woodbridge, a luxury real estate investment consortium that pools investors’ money for the purpose of acquiring LA properties, made their biggest splash with the $90 million acquisition of the legendary “Owlwood” estate in Holmby Hills. The seller was a low-profile Aspen-based widow named Dawn Arnall.

4) $40,000,000 — 78 Beverly Park Lane, Los Angeles (Beverly Park)

Seller: Tom Gores via Chatam LLC
Buyer: Gala Asher & Ed Berman via Beverly Park Properties LLC

Here’s the first of two properties Mr. Gores sold to the pair of developers (Gala Asher & Ed Berman) in return for his big new house in Holmby Hills. Apparently a monster mansion in Beverly Park just wasn’t good enough for him anymore. Though the house was never on the market, the recorded $40 million sale price makes this the most expensive Beverly Park house ever sold.

5) $39,000,000 — 864 Stradella Road, Los Angeles (Bel Air)

Seller: Joseph Englanoff via Stradella Casa LP
Buyer: Howard Shore via 864 Stradella LLC

After more than two years sitting on the market — originally with a $55 million asking price — this ultra-modern spec-mansion in perennially high-nosed Bel Air sold to British financier Howard Shore.

6) $38,750,000 — 131 Delfern Drive, Los Angeles (Holmby Hills)

Seller: Estate of Betsy Bloomingdale 
Buyer: Tom Ford via The 131 Delfern Trust

This sale gets the award for 2016’s “most chi-chi real estate transaction”. The children of the late fashion icon Betsy Bloomingdale sold her glamorous Holmby Hills estate to high-end fashion tycoon Tom Ford for a pinch under $39 million.

7) $38,270,000 — 640 Williams Lane, Beverly Hills (Trousdale Estates)

Seller: Nile Niami via 640 Williams Lane LLC
Buyer: Brian Sheth via Taruca Holdings LLC

Even Yolanda was a little stunned by this sale. Texas-based hedge funder Brian Sheth plunked down more than $38 million for a house on a half-acre flag lot in Trousdale Estates. There’s no front yard. No back yard, either. But there is a 14,000-square-foot McClean Design mansion with a spinning indoor car turntable. And that view!

8) $38,000,000 — 1111 Calle Vista Drive, Beverly Hills

Seller: Tom Cruise via The Fornow Trust
Buyer: Leon Black via Q&P LLC

After selling his Hollywood Hills compound to Eva Longoria, cray-cray Mr. Cruise proceeded to let multi-billionaire Leon Black have his Beverly Hills manor house for the reasonable price of $38 million.

9) $34,928,000 — 10664 Bellagio Road, Los Angeles (Bel Air)

Seller: Bren Simon via BS LA Holdings III LLC
Buyer: Robert Blumenfield via Masterpiece LLC

One of Yolanda’s favorite subjects to gossip about is Arkansas native Brenda Burns (AKA Bren Simon!). We wrote about her here. And then we wrote about her again when she finally unloaded her Bel Air beast (after six years!) to LA landlord, art collector, and longtime Bel Air resident Robert H. Blumenfield.

10) $33,500,000 — 3620 Sweetwater Mesa Road, Malibu

1. Seller: U.S. Department of Justice via Sweetwater Malibu LLC
   Buyer: Mauricio Oberfeld via 3620 Sweetwater Mesa LLC

   What is arguably the best property in all of Malibu — despite not being oceanfront — was seized by the US Department of Justice several years ago. It was Mexico-born investor Mauricio Oberfeld who coughed up the big bucks. (Rumor has it that he’s got some big changes in mind!)

11) $33,000,000 — 1201 Laurel Way, Beverly Hills

Seller: U.S. Department of Justice via Laurel Beverly Holdings LLC
Buyer: Richard Caring via West Coast Management LLC

Lookie here, another house seized by the good ol’ DoJ. This one was already in escrow by the time it was seized, so it escaped the all-too-common fate of an extended period of abandonment and neglect. The new owner is British entrepreneur Richard Caring.

12) $32,500,000 — 1601 Casale Drive, Los Angeles (Pacific Palisades)

1. Seller: Rex Licklider via Casale Road Development 2 Inc.
   Buyer: Richard Hollander

   Financier Richard Hollander and his wife Jackie broke the Pacific Palisades record in a deal for a McClean Design house that was never on the open market.

13) $32,500,000 — 420 Trousdale Place, Beverly Hills (Trousdale Estates)

Seller: Joseph Kashani et al.
Buyer: Unknown (but rumored to be Bernard Arnault) via BH Propco LLC

In yet another deal that went down off-market, a mysterious LLC paid $32,500,000 for a teardown mid-century house in the ultra-expensive Trousdale Estates neighborhood. We can’t prove it, kiddies, but Yolanda has heard that the new owner may be French multi-billionaire Bernard Arnault. Yes, the guy who already owns half of Rodeo Drive.

About time he bought a house here!

14) $32,000,000 — 1169 N. Hillcrest Road, Beverly Hills (Trousdale Estates)

Seller: Alex Soltani via Skyview Capital LLC
Buyer: Unknown via Aegis International Management LLC

A second property tied to the 1MDB scandal. After being sold to private equity pasha Alex Soltani for $22,400,000 in October (2016), he somehow managed to flip it just two months later for $32,000,000. That’s a $9.6 million profit, y’all. Bubble?! Nahhh…

15) $30,000,000 — 614 & 616 N. Beverly Drive, Beverly Hills

1. Seller: Estate of Jackie Collins
   Buyer: Ben Nehmadi 

Legendary Tinseltown author/lady-about-town Jackie Collins was another casualty of 2016. RIP. Her daughters sold her custom-built estate (and the guest house next door) to real estate investor Ben Nehmadi in a $30 million deal.

16) $30,000,000 — 671 Siena Way, Los Angeles (Bel Air)

Seller: Tom Gores via Gacac LLC
Buyer: Ed Berman & Gala Asher via Siena Way Properties LLC

To get his $100 million mansion, Tom Gores also gave up his multi-acre vacant Bel Air land for $30,000,000. Thirty million for a patch of dirt may seem like a ludicrous amount of money to spend, but it’s actually less than half of what Yolanda believes he invested into the property.

17) $28,000,000 — 1492 Stone Canyon Road, Los Angeles (Bel Air)

1. Seller: Sela Ward via The Joseph Abbott Family Trust
   Buyer: Jennifer Lopez via The Jim Bridger Trust

   The biggest celebrity deal of 2016 went down in May, when spring flowers and April showers led enticed Jennifer Lopez to spend $28 million for actress Sela Ward’s amazeballs 8-acre Arts & Crafts compound.

18) $27,600,000 — 10771 Bellagio Road, Los Angeles (Bel Air)

Seller: Jeffrey Kaplan
Buyer: Todd Lemkin 

An unfortunately bastardized Paul Williams was sold by mobile home magnate Jeffrey Kaplan to financier Todd Lemkin of Canyon Capital. Despite the unattractive looks, the house is located right across the street from the hoity-toity Bel Air Country Club and has more than 20,000-square-feet of living space.

19) $27,250,000 — 7061 Birdview Avenue, Malibu

1. Seller: Nathaniel Redleaf via 7061 Birdview LLC
   Buyer: Julia Lebedev via Birdview Property LLC

   Russian heiress Julia Lebedev (or Levedeva) paid $27,250,000 for a Mediterranean-style mansion on Malibu’s coveted Point Dume. The seller was young Nathaniel Redleaf, the son of hedge fund tycoon Andy Redleaf.

20) $27,000,000 — 9133 Oriole Way, Los Angeles (Bird Streets)

Seller: Sean Sassounian via Nightingale Capital LLC
Buyer: Lynda Weinman via OK Wave LLC

2016’s biggest Hollywood Hills came courtesy of internet entrepreneur Lynda Weinman, who paid $27 million for a pretty baller house on what is probably the best street in the exclusive “Bird Streets”. For what it’s worth, the prickly seller — Sean Sassounian — is suing his former real estate agents over an interview they gave about this house.

There you have it, kiddies. Not that we don’t like dwelling on the past, but let’s get back to current year stuff…

Though he’s well into his 70s, bestselling singer/songwriter and national treasure Neil Diamond is still a spry guy. Only 120 million records sold later, he still bounces around LA and he got married to his third wife, Katie McNeil, several years ago. And now he’s prepping for his 2017 “50th anniversary tour“.

So it’s really not such a surprise that he is also still on the real estate prowl. Yolanda happens to know for a fact that he recently forked out an impressive $7,250,000 for a house in Malibu, the beachside community that he previously called home for many years. More on his former residence inside the illustrious Malibu Colony in a moment.

The new house in question is located just off Pacific Coast Highway (PCH) in a teeny-tiny (almost nonexistent!) oceanfront gated community called Blue Whale Estates in the remote northwest reaches of Malibu. There are just five homes within the gates. Mr. Diamond’s house of choice happens to be the largest of the five, though at 4,692-square-feet it’s big but definitely not humongous.

We’re not entirely sure what the proper architectural vernacular is here, but Yolanda will call the 1996-built casa a modern-minded mock-Mediterranean with some oddball prairie-style window treatments. A paltry .32-acres of land ain’t exactly generous, but the site more than makes up for it with stupendous ocean views and a privately-situated infinity pool.

Records reveal a blind trust (that Yolanda just happens to know is a front for Mr. Diamond) paid $7,250,000 for the property in November 2016. That’s a lot of money, but either Mr. Diamond got a deal or the previous owners overpaid like crazy, because that sale price is actually nearly a million bucks less than the $8,150,000 that the sellers — Taiwanese businesswoman Michelle Wong and her husband Ben Fan — forked out for the house in August 2010, when the recession was still in full swing. Yowza!

Yolanda is certain that a big celebrity like Mr. Diamond will appreciate that the house privately situated high up and behind privacy hedges. Essentially the only part visible is the two-car garage and wee driveway.

A flagstone pathway leads to the glass front doors, which open to an enormous great room with a vaulted ceiling and walls of glass. Sliding doors lead out to the terrace and pool areas.

Yolanda really doesn’t care for the kitchen. It’s oddly shaped and the colors do it no favors. And while counter space is abundant, the center island is arguably too big and that enormous commercial-style stainless steel range is just an eyesore. We hope Mr. Diamond will perform a complete gut job up in here.

Elsewhere there’s a formal dining and a breakfast nook with garden views.

The spacious master suite comes with a balcony that towers over the other homes and the private cove below. A built-in soaking tub occupies a lovely windowed nook that’s guaranteed to make Mr. Diamond believe he’s taking a scrub in his own private ocean.

Counting the master suite, the house has a total of 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms — some of which are very, very ’90s (see above).

Yolanda believes the best parts of the property are outdoors, where there is plenty of privacy-assuring foliage that give way to jaw-droppin’ views. There’s a covered outdoor dining set, a full BBQ/outdoor kitchen, and several other sexy nooks and cranny.

Most importantly, and despite the fact that the house is not oceanfront, there is private beach access directly below the property.

The Encinal Bluffs area of Malibu is one of the most sensationally scenic beaches in the area. It’s also — blessedly — one of the least crowded, due to its somewhat remote location and relative difficulty of beach access. Although we find that his new house could use some cosmetic updates, Yolanda likes Mr. Diamond’s choice of residence and wishes him and his family many years of happy memories at the beach.

Mr. Diamond’s current main residence is a multi-acre compound that is located directly behind the perennially fashionable Beverly Hills Hotel. Records show that he paid about $4,700,000 for the property way back in 1997. In addition to a tennis court, swimming pool and sizable lawn, the walled-and-gated structure encompasses more than 10,000-square-feet spread throughout a main house and guest house. Some of Mr. Diamond’s nearest neighbors include fashion fiend Paul Marciano and hedge hog Steven Cohen.

In 1996, just before he bought his big new Beverly Hills house, Mr. Diamond sold a Spanish-style estate located on what is arguably the best residential street in all of Los Angeles — South Mapleton Drive — for $5,300,000 to producer/director extraordinaire Sir Ridley Scott. Our Sir Scott continues to own the Holmby Hills property as of January 2017.

As we mentioned earlier, Mr. Diamond is certainly no stranger to the Malibu area. For many years he owned a property in the legendarily star-studded Malibu Colony guard-gated community. The double-lot house — which Mr. Diamond sold in 1989 for about $5,000,000 — is one of the largest in the enclave and sits right close up and personal on the sand.

For what it’s worth, the property happens to be owned currently by Canadian billionaire heiress Taylor Thomson, who paid a hardcore $21,450,000 for the residence back in 2010.

In his new Malibu gated community, Mr. Diamond’s four neighbors are not exactly famous. But two of the more prominent ones are orthopedic surgeon Rick Delamorter and Parasoft CEO Elizabeth Kolawa, who owns the triangular Ed Niles-designed architectural showpiece directly below Mr. Diamond’s new house.

For what it’s worth, Ms. Kolawa is a longtime Bradbury Estates resident and is the widow of Parasoft founder Adam Kolawa, who sadly committed suicide several years ago.

Oops. We didn’t want to end this story on a somber note, so we’ll just say that we’re glad Mr. Diamond bought this house — otherwise we might’ve forgotten to score our tickets to his upcoming tour. Hurry up, you fellow old folks (and young folks with good taste in music!).

Listing agents: Sandro Dazzan & Irene Dazzan-Palmer, Coldwell Banker
Neil Diamond’s agent: Jim Rapf, Pritchett-Rapf & Associates

Although their fortune was built on the sinful Las Vegas Strip, everyone knows that the entire Wynn family resides primarily in Los Angeles these days. Well, casino kingpin Steve Wynn has so many homes that he probably doesn’t even know which one is his primary residence. But his ex-wife and both his daughters and all his grandchildren live here full-time.

Mr. Wynn is a flamboyant fella who for many decades has been a bit of a celebrity in addition to a businessman. His daughters, however, seem to have eschewed that lifestyle and live in relative anonymity, despite the fact that they are the presumptive heirs to their father’s $2.5 billion fortune and their mother’s $1.83 billion stockpile.

Kevyn & Gillian Wynn are the products of Mr. Wynn’s first (and second!) marriage to philanthropist Elaine Pascal Wynn. Both are — according to reports — extremely close. They are also both single mothers in their late 40s with preteen (and teen) kids, they both live on LA’s Westside, and they both have zero interest in the casino/resort business. Apparently.

Despite what many folks think, coming from great wealth has its downsides, as Kevyn Wynn can attest to. The elder of Steve & Elaine Wynn’s two daughters, she was kidnapped one July 1993 night by two men who lay in wait inside her own Las Vegas condo. Her father personally delivered a $1.45 million ransom and Ms. Wynn was returned unharmed. The abducters were arrested less than a week later in Newport Beach (CA) as they finalized the cash purchase of a new Ferrari (natch!).

After a couple deserved decades out of the spotlight, Ms. Wynn caught some press a year ago with her launch of an expensive, fashionable line of slippers. No, really! Slippers. The things Yolanda putters around her kitchen in when a midnight craving for a nip of brandy and a fistful of those K Chocolatier vodka balls hits. For $300 and change you can have Ms. Wynn’s black velvet booties enveloping your footsies.

But we digress. For whatever reason, Ms. Wynn has done paid $6,425,000 to upgrade her residential circumstances in the pricey and picturesque Huntington Palisades area of Pacific Palisades.

Built in 2006 and described as an “East Coast Traditional” in marketing materials, the 5,782-square-foot home packs in 5 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms on a rather petite .23 acre corner lot.

Yolanda appreciates the way that guests stepping past the front door have a view all the way to the backyard, thanks to the center hall layout. Floors are walnut and the stairs have traditional white riseers. We’re not sure if we love the white shutters on the home’s facade — we think they might look better in a dark color — but something like that is an easy for a lady of Ms. Wynn’s considerable means.

The public rooms have coffered ceilings and are all very formal and traditional without being too stuffy. We do think the house could use a bit of color, however. White/brown/beige is just not Yolanda’s favorite favorite combination. Ms. Wynn, how about you toss a cherry red Eames sofa in the family room just for the heck of it? Pretty please?

The kitchen has a center island and top-grade appliances. Yolanda can personally guarantee that the cobalt blue La Cornue range cost more than Ms. Wynn’s housekeeper’s Mitsubishi Mirage did when brand-new.

There’s also a formal dining room with butler’s pantry, a breakfast table, and a 1000-bottle wine cellar for which Yolanda would be only too happy to help Ms. Wynn select proper vintages to fill. It’s all in the nose, doll.

Slightly less formal rooms include a wood-paneled office/study/library, another office, a gym, and a laundry/mud room.

The master bedroom has a vaulted ceiling and a fireplace. The bathroom comes equipped with dual vanities, a built-in soaking tub, and an all-glass shower. Again, we’re not fond of the color scheme but that can all be easily edited.

In addition to the master suite, there are four more bedrooms upstairs, one of which appears to be used as a sort of children’s play area. Fine for Ms. Wynn, whose three children are all currently in the preteen-ish age range.

The backyard isn’t particularly big — and neither is the lot — but there’s a swimming pool and loggia with plenty of lounging and outdoor dining space.

Ms. Wynn seems to be fond of corner lot properties — her previous house (which she still owns) is also on a corner lot. This one, however, is located in a particularly plummy section of Brentwood that butts up right against Santa Monica and is just a block from Yolanda’s favorite shopping area — the Brentwood Country Mart.

As a matter of fact, Ms. Wynn’s Brentwood house was put up for sale early this month and is already in escrow with an unknown buyer for an unknown price, according to online listings.

Like her new Pacific Palisades house, the old Brentwood house is Traditional and conservative in style and is also similarly-sized (at 6,100-square-feet with 6 beds/7baths, it’s actually a wee bit larger than her new house). It’s a bit confusing to us why Ms. Wynn would trade in one house for another one so similar just a couple miles away. But maybe she just wanted a change of scenery?

In any case, property records show Ms. Wynn forked out $4,500,000 for her Brentwood house back in 2011, so if she gets anywhere near her current $6,995,000 asking price, she’ll likely turn quite an impressive profit.

Profit-turning runs in the Wynn family blood, natch. It was daddy Steve Wynn who helped transform Las Vegas from just another desert rest stop to the hedonistic, skank-filled mecca it is today. We’re not hating, we’re just blaming Mr. Wynn for all those wasted boozy nights of our youth.

Anyway, the Wynn family certainly loves living large. Steve Wynn has a huge house in the Benedict Canyon area of Beverly Hills for which he paid $47,851,000 back in 2015. The seller was our boy Maurice Marciano.

As for the Bentley-driving Elaine Wynn, lady of the $142 million triptych, she’s got a $20 million two-house compound — also in the Benedict Canyon area of Beverly Hills — that is so close to her ex-hubby’s estate that she could probably jog over to his place to borrow a cup of organic, cruelty-free sugar and be back home before she could’ve backed the big ol’ Bentley on out and moseyed over there.

Just don’t ask Mr. Wynn to jog over to her house. He is blind, after all…

Listing and selling agent (Pacific Palisades): Jade Mills, Coldwell Banker
Listing agent (Brentwood): David Offer, Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices

The best residential section of Beverly Hills — Trousdale Estates — was hotter and trendier than ever in 2016. Just count the three $30 million+ property sales, two of which were sold for land value only. Ain’t it amazing that only 15 or so years ago, the area was still considered rather déclassé by members of LA’s snootier societies?

(Shameless plug: go pick up a copy of author/historian Steven Price‘s amazing read Trousdale Estates: Midcentury to Modern in Beverly Hills, which is currently the #1 bestseller on Amazon among interior design books. It is filled to the brim with history, photos, and legends of yore. And no, Yolanda was not paid or told to say this. Just buy the damn thing.)

Well, as of yet, the rocketing property values show no signs of a slowdown. Take this ground up contemporary remodel and expansion of a 3,364-square-foot 1960s mid-century modern, which isn’t even on one of the best streets in Trousdale. And yet it just sold for $18,000,000.

The property has a wee bit of semi-celebrity history, according to Yolanda’s research. In early 2013, the original 1960-built structure on this lot was acquired for $4,521,500 by Dave Holmes, Coldplay’s band manager. Our British Mr. Holmes flipped the house just one year later for $5,400,000 to British actor Clive Robertson, who is perhaps best known for being a big ol’ hunk on that cheesy ’90s soap opera Sunset Beach.

Anyway, when he’s not workin’ up a sexy sweat on camera, Mr. Robertson dabbles in real estate. He immediately took the house down to the studs and rebuilt and expanded. Current listing information does not call out square footage of the remodeled house — and we weren’t able to locate anything concrete in the permit history — but if we were forced to guess we’d say it’s around 5,000 or so.

So who paid Mr. Robertson $18 million? It was a tech entrepreneur named Jim Payne, who hit the proverbial Silicon Valley jackpot back in 2013 when he sold his startup — the oddly-named MoPub — to Twitter for $350 million. Since then, Mr. Payne has served as an angel investor and a entrepreneur-in-residence, proffering his tech wisdom to other young companies. He’s also found time to become a real estate baller with fiendishly expensive homes on both coasts of the USA. But we’ll get to those in just a hot minute.

Before we begin our typical dissection of the home, Yolanda was a bit amused at the florid language used to describe this residence in marketing materials. Real estate agents are legendary for their verbosity, kiddies, but this particular instance we must share with y’all. It’s just too good. Check this excerpt out:

“The developer, master of chic, Clive Robertson, scoured each corner of the globe to source every minutiae: from the Tibetan Leathered Monk Stone to the lavish Antarctic Stingray media room, to the Travertine that adorns the facade, sourced from the Bagni di Tivoli quarry that built the Roman Coliseum. … This home sets a new standard in interior design; truly a masterpiece, a grand symphony of the finest materials.”

Now, kiddies, we don’t mean to be rude or offend anyone here. Maybe we just like flaunting our own ignorance. But what the hell is all that shit supposed to mean? There’s travertine on the facade, a media room and some stone? Humph! Big whoop.

But what do we know about anything? Maybe that description is what lured Mr. Payne into plunking down the big fat bucks? Just kidding! (But not really. Nothing surprises us here in LA.)

We digress. Time for a look at the house.

The house is located on a steep and fairly busy street that folks love to speed down, so it’s definitely a good thing that the property is insulated from all that craziness behind an imposing driveway gate and high wall. That spinning car turntable you see on the driveway is no cheap gimmick, it’s useful — even necessary — for getting your Range Rover Supercharged or Mercedes S-Class outta the driveway in a safe manner. Trust Yolanda, backing out onto Loma Vista Drive ain’t for the faint of heart.

The black garage doors with the stone surround (is that the Withered Monk stone?!) looks pretty damn cool. A column-line entryway leads over a small moat through an all-glass front door that looks right through the residence and out to the city below in a particularly satisfying manner.

Surprisingly, the particularly pungent listing information does not call out what sort of hardwood floors these are, which leads Yolanda to wonder if they might be some sort of non-exotic material like Oregon oak or somethin’. The listing does say that the architect was the LA-based Michael Marquez, so please direct any questions his way.

The floor plan is open — as it should be — and all the features and appliances are top-notch.

At the southern end of the residence, an enormous wall of glass performs a better disappearance act than Harry Houdini and brings the indoors outside (and vice versa) in that oh-so-quintessentially Southern California manner. The bottom right picture shows Yolanda’s favorite part of the residence: a glass walled wine cellar.

The structure boasts a total of five bedrooms and six bathrooms, and the master suite boasts another disappearing wall that overlooks the city view below.

Hmm. We’re not sure if we like the spa being raised like that — kinda disturbs the skyline. But that’s our OCD talking.

As we’ve already mentioned, Mr. Payne is quite the real estate baller. In addition to his $18 million home in Trousdale, he’s got at least two other multi-million dollar residences: one in Scottsdale (AZ) and one in New York City.

In October 2014, Mr. Payne forked out $14,650,000 for the penthouse pad of NY-based billionaire Leonard Stern. Located in NYC’s trendy (and exorbitantly pricey) SoHo neighborhood, the 4,315-square-foot apartment comes with niceties like a zen solarium and double-height great room and even the ultimate Manhattan luxury: a giant rooftop terrace with a private pool. Ka-ching!

For more pictures and the full story on the NYC purchase, go here.

Mr. Payne has long been based out of Arizona, so it’s no surprise he’s got something nice out in Scottsdale, too. In December 2015, he shelled out $3,400,000 for a brand-new modern-mock-med mini-mansion in the exclusive Silverleaf community. The house sits on .68-acre and has 5-beds/6-baths in 5,126-square-feet of living space.

But don’t think Mr. Payne is just a greedy capitalist who sold his company and ran with all the moolah. Instead, he shared the wealth at his MoPub company when it was bought out by Twitter. According to reports, 36 of his 100 employees became millionaires — and 10 of those 36 now have “significant” net worths.

Nice. But Mr. Payne made sure his needs were taken care of, too. Just look at his $36 million+ collection of luxury residential real estate.

Listing agents: Branden & Rayni Williams, Hilton & Hyland
Mr. Payne’s agent: Masha Krakovskaya, Keller Williams Beverly Hills

Within the past month alone, three of the four members of Australian boyband 5 Seconds of Summer have become first-time Los Angeles homeowners. Bass guitarist Calum Hood bought a house in the Hollywood Hills. So did lead vocalist Luke Hemmings. Now it’s drummer Ashton Irwin’s turn.

Just because Yolanda wouldn’t know a 5SOS song if it popped us in our ample caboose with a tire iron doesn’t mean that the bond is not successful. They are enormously so, obviously, albeit with a fanbase that appears to consist mainly of preteen (and teen) girls. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.

The band’s big break seems to have come in early 2013, when they were announced as the headliner for One Direction’s enormously-successful Take Me Home tour. An eponymous debut album and several hit singles (“She Looks So Perfect”, “Amnesia”) followed and the rest is history.

Before we begin on the house, however, let’s perform a quick background check on Mr. Irwin. He’s 22 years old, he originally hails from the Sydney suburb of Hornsby, Australia, and he’s got more than 5 million followers on the Instashiz. And he was recently seen in the company of an attractive young lady named Halsey. Whoever that is!

Now, kiddies, Yolanda must confess that she was tipped off about Mr. Hood’s and Mr. Hemmings’ home purchases before we wrote about them. However, we knew nada about Mr. Irwin’s purchase. And we might have missed it entirely had it not been for a remarkable — and fortunate — coincidence. We stumbled right over it, so to speak. So for all you silly people out there who have been pining for a look at Mr. Irwin’s dining room or glass shower — well, this one is for y’all.

While his two bandmates both chose contemporary confections in the Hollywood Hills, Mr. Irwin chose a different zip code to go with his contemporary: his new house is located in a good area of the leafy hills of Studio City. Property records show that the deal actually closed back in late December (2016). Mr. Irwin forked out $1,765,000 for the residence.

Yolanda is just going to pause and say that this sale shows the quality of house you can get in Studio City versus just over the mountain in the Hollywood Hills. Mr. Irwin scored a fully updated 3,300-square-foot contemporary house with views. For abou the same price, his bandmates got stuck with dated monstrosities. If y’all are cost-conscious and don’t mind the stigma of “livin’ in the Valley”, we suggest Studio City all day every day.

Anyway, the house sits privately behind a walled and high-hedged courtyard. A locked gate swings open to reveal a nifty fountain and a crunchy gravel walkway to the all-glass front door. A hardwood-floored corridor leads to an enormous combo living room/dining room/kitchen. Neutral tones abound — as do those recessed florescent lights — and the sloped ceiling has faux-exposed wooden beams.

The all-new kitchen has all the latest high-end features and appliances, but it’s a bit too corporate or industrial-looking for Yolanda’s tastes. Well, at least that rich wood (walnut?) paneling helps a bit.

A row of disappearing glass doors fold away to a slim balcony that is guaranteed to impress Mr. Irwin’s guests and family members.

The tri-level house has three balconies, the largest being on the lowest level (natch!). Down here there is a bull outdoor dining table (with wicker chairs!) that is serviced from the home’s other kitchen (picture on the lower right). Yes, Mr. Irwin’s new house has not one but two kitchens. Baller, eh?

A total of 5 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms fill the structure. The all-new master suite, located on the third story, has a bedroom with more of those same hardwood floors and balcony access. The “spa-style” master bathroom has a glass steam shower next to a soaking tub. There’s also a walk-in closet (not pictured).

Yolanda likes how the little area around the staircase is outfitted as a quasi media room.

Due to the house being positioned on a steeply-sloped hillside, it doesn’t have much of a backyard. But the hilltop location means it is blessed with generous and lovely (if not exactly heart-stopping) views of Burbank and the San Gabriel mountains beyond. And although we find it hard to believe, the listing says that the .12-acre micro-lot has “room for a pool”.

So Mr. Irwin one-upped his bandmates with this home purchase, we think. Good on you, Mr. Irwin. But the game ain’t over yet. There’s still one more 5SOS-er left to make his move — guitarist Michael Clifford. Will he resort to tradition and pick a dumpy dive in Laurel Canyon? Or will he grab something shiny in Sherman Oaks? What about a mini-ranch in horsey Hidden Hills?

Your move, Mr. Clifford.

Listing agent: Therese Hyde, Coldwell Banker
Mr. Irwin’s agent: Jonathan London, Compass

Yolanda is very grateful that people from outside the silly little bubble of La La Land are beginning to follow our equally silly little blog. A handful of them even dare to write in to and ask questions or chat about this or that! One of those is a handsome, scholarly fellow from Santa Barbara whom we shall call Barbara Bane in honor of our all-time favorite actress.

Along with several other decidedly juicy neighborhood tidbits and trivia, Mr. Bane called our attention to a very upright compound smack-dab in the middle of the uber-posh Montecito neighborhood. This compound, you see, sold earlier this month for $6,850,000 and the buyer — per Mr. Bane — is a prominent investor/entrepreneur/television personality named Marcus Lemonis.

Sure enough, property records the house was purchased by an LLC that is quite easily proved to be a front for Mr. Lemonis. Records also tell us that the seller was a British financier and car collector named Andrew Pisker, who was — a few years ago — judged to be one of the top 10 sexiest male bankers in the world by our gurl Xenia Tchoumitcheva. Ooh la la!

As for Mr. Lemonis, he’s got more than a million followers on Twitter, primarily due to his semi-celebrity status as star of The Profit, we think. The TV show (it airs on CNBC) has run since 2013 and features Mr. Lemonis using his own millions to make substantial investments in struggling small businesses. Think of Mr. Lemonis’s show as a warmer, friendlier Shark Tank.

Not that Mr. Lemonis is just some reality star. He’s also a full-time businessman: As Chairman and CEO of Camping World, which specializes in recreational vehicles, he manages a $3 billion empire and his own personal (reported) net worth of $167 million. Oh, and although he is or was married to an equestrian lady named Ila Lemonis he was recently rumored to be having a fling with Skeletor from The Real Housewives of New York City. AKA Bethenny Frankel. But apparently he awoke from that nightmare and is blessedly single once more. Whew!

We should also note that Mr. Lemonis had a somewhat atypical and difficult childhood. Born in Lebanon, he was placed in an orphanage as a tot and adopted by a Miami-based Greek-American couple. He reportedly struggled with an eating disorder and depression and was even sexually abused by an extended family member.

Sometime around college age, Mr. Lemonis migrated up to the Chicago area, where he’s still based today and where he began assembling his billion-dollar empire. But it would seem that in spite of all his work commitments, he’s found time to spend the big bucks on an interesting place in idyllic California.

The house in question is located in a gated community and backs up to the southwest corner of the prestigious Valley Club of Montecito. And it’s just a quarter-mile or so (as the crow flies) from the mega-mansion estate christened The Promised Land, which has been home to billionaire media baroness Oprah Winfrey since 2001.

Sprawled on a commodious 2-acre lot, the contemporary rambles around a center courtyard area with a stone walkway that leads to the perfectly rectangular pool. We’d call the 8,100-square-foot house a contemporary luxe take on a farmhouse-style rambler. What say y’all?

Narrow gauge hardwood floors lead to a fully-updated kitchen with all the typical top-end stainless appliances, a Subaru-sized center island, and some rather unattractive chairs.

The formal dining room flaunts a deliciously tacky all-glass dining table/chair set. Both the formal living and family room have fireplaces. A long (end to end of the house) hallway is fabulous for the budding art collector, we suppose.

The master suite feels a bit too ’80s mod to us or something, but there’s an enormous (communal?) glass shower for sexy time and an array of windows and doors that allow plenty of sunlight to flood what could otherwise feel like a somewhat sterile environment. Elsewhere there are a total of 4 guest/family bedrooms and 7 bathrooms.

In keeping with the pared-down and somewhat minimalist theme, 90% of the landscaping is just grass. Nary a mature tree in sight. At least the lot has bounteous parking space.

Besides Lady Winfrey, other famous residents up in low-key but high-brow Montecito ‘hood include Eric Schmidt, Carol Burnett, Dennis Miller, Rob Lowe, Al Gore, Ellen DeGeneres, and Lynda Weinman.

A quick stroll through property records reveals that Mr. Lemonis is quite the real estate baller. In addition to his new $7 million Montecito pad, Yolanda counts no fewer than five other multi-million dollar homes/condominiums that he owns in at least three other states.

Back in tony city of Lake Forest (IL), Mr. Lemonis owns a 7,405-square-foot mansion with 6 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms.

Although the stately structure looks as though it was constructed in the 1920s or some such olden days, it was actually built in 2006 and sold in 2007 for $6,150,000. The buyers then were a not-famous but wealthy couple who clearly did not turn a profit when they sold the Lake Michigan-adjacent estate to The Profit in July 2013 for just $4,950,000. As many rich folks are wont to do, Mr. Lemonis also acquired the smaller house next door in a separate transaction.

That’s not all, however. Mr. Lemonis also apparently still has love for the Sunshine State.

Also in 2013, Mr. Lemonis paid $1,500,000 for the 4,696-square-foot house in equestrian-oriented Wellington (FL) that was advertised as having a “Chicago brick” driveway. Unclear if that swayed Mr. Lemonis’s decision in favor of a purchase.

Then in August (2015), Mr. Lemonis paid $5,483,276 for a 2-bed/2.5-bath duplex at a Park Avenue highrise on New York City’s forever snooty Upper East Side.

Mr. Lemonis appears to own yet more residences, including a $3 million luxury apartment in a prime part of Chicago and possibly another place in Florida, but there’s a sale on Chinese antiques down at Best of Times so suck on those lemons and we’ll be back with y’all shortly.

Listing and selling agents: Calcagno & Hamilton, Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices

Yolanda has said it before, and she’ll say it again. Celebrities loooove the Beverly Hills Post Office area in the hills above the city. The privacy, the views, the gated communities, the proximity to other famous friends, it’s just a slam dunk on so many levels.

So when a big house in an (in)famously celeb-choked B.H.P.O. gated community sold this month for an A-list $9,948,000, Yolanda naturally just had to know who the buyer was. Our curiosity was piqued when we saw that the powerfully rich new owner had cloaked their identity behind a blind trust fronted by a well-known celebrity business manager. Who could it be?!

Turns out it’s a child actress turned grown-up actress turned entrepreneur named Jessica Alba. Honest! (Sorry, Yolanda couldn’t resist.)

Now kiddies, if you’ve never heard of Ms. Alba before, we ain’t sure what rock you’ve been living under. Ms. Alba is a very famous lady who has honed her acting chops — such as they are — in quality films such as Honey (2003), Sin City (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Into the Blue (2005), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) and Good Luck Chuck (2007). For this she has been rewarded with a Golden globe nomination and a win for the 2011 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress.

Don’t think that we are attempting to throw shade or that we have anything against Ms. Alba. Quite the contrary! It is Yolanda’s opinion that she is one of the most naturally beautiful actresses in Hollywood. And not that we have anything against transplants, but Yolanda also likes that Ms. Alba was born  and raised in LA (County). The San Gabriel Valley, to be precise. Our Ms. Alba hails from leafy Claremont (CA), and she graduated from Claremont High School. She’s a real California treasure!

But these days, Ms. Alba doesn’t act much anymore. Instead, she’s focused on (co-)running her high-profile consumer goods business The Honest Company, of which she is the public face. The firm (of which she reportedly owns about 15%) generates an estimated $300 million in revenue each and every year. And 15% of a $300 million revenue company ain’t nothin’ to snicker at, y’all.

However, it hasn’t all been smooth sailing for Ms. Alba’s business venture. Honest as they may be, her business had a rather rough 2016. Though there had been much talk of an impending IPO or company sale at the beginning of the year, neither failed to materialize. Perhaps that is due to the negative press the Honest Co. received, including an unfavorable Wall Street Journal investigation, critical scrutiny and allegations of fraud by other news sources, and a series of lawsuits that accused the firm of being, well, dishonest. The horror!

All the same, the business has made Ms. Alba enormously rich and it’s because of that — and not her acting career — is how she can afford a $10 million house in B.H.P.O. without breaking a sweat. At least that’s what Yolanda surmises.

But let’s stop digressing now while we’re ahead.

We hate to say this, really we do. But just because Ms. Alba is beautiful does not mean that her house is equally so. As a matter of fact, Yolanda finds her new house to be downright hideous. At least from the outside.

Although it is described in listing materials “East Coast inspired Hamptons Traditional Masterpiece” — whatever that is — this ain’t no masterpiece. The 2005-built 8,829-square-foot porker has an odd sort of Dutch gambrel roof and mixed with the itty-bitty windows and those stone chimney eyesores it’s just a place that could give Yolanda nightmares. Why, Ms. Alba, with all your money, why?!?!

Well, we can tell you why. It’s because the house has a great location — it’s located in the exclusive gated community of Oak Pass Road, where other celebrity homeowners include Jon Voight, Channing Tatum, Demi Moore, Bertrum Van Munster, and Lisa Vanderpump (who lives right next door). Harry Styles lived in the community for a couple years before selling his house and high-tailing it down to the Sunset Strip.

Anyway, Ms. Alba’s big ugly new house was sold to her by big-time movie producer (and serial house flipper) Mike Medavoy and his very social wife Irena Medavoy.

Things better indoors with a classy black-and-white checkerboard marble floor in the foyer and large formal living and family rooms. Both rooms have fireplaces and hardwood floors and both open to the lovely private backyard via French doors. The interiors, in case you were wondering, were “Ralph Lauren-inspired”, according to marketing materials.

The gourmet kitchen has top-of-the-line appliances and opens to both a breakfast nook and the formal dining room with chandelier and fireplace.

Other residential creature comforts include a lounge-type room (media room?) and what appears to be a family room/library hybrid.

The master bedroom sports what appears to be beige carpet (yikes!) and has a fireplace and balcony with views over the backyard and beyond, out to the sea. The master bedroom has a built-in soaking tub and an enormous glass-enclosed shower with two rainfall showerheads and numerous jets to scrub y’all clean.

Also included on the 1.85-acre grounds is a two-story guest house with another three car garages The upstairs seems to be one giant combo living room/bedroom/office.

The best part of the property is the backyard, no doubt, which has a large, flat lawn –perfect for the kiddies or doggies — and a pool with spa. Then there are those stunning sunsets and over-the-trees views. By the way, Ms. Alba’s new house looms directly over Lisa Vanderpump’s posher pad.

Ms. Alba is quite the real estate baller, in case y’all didn’t already know. In addition to her new $10 million main residence, she’s also got three more properties in the Beverly Post Office area: a 2,286-square-foot house that was her first-ever home purchase and that regularly pops up for lease, her former main residence that she bought for a bit over $4 million in 2008, and a 12-acre vacant hillside parcel of land that she bought for $2,000,000 in 2012. As far as we know, that land remains vacant and undeveloped.

Yolanda is not sure where the Medavoys plan to move, but they’ve owned so many homes all over LA that we can only imagine they’ll soon be spending the big bucks somewhere nearby. They owned a custom-built pad in Beverly Park that they sold to Isaac Oberfeld; they flipped a house in Mulholland Estates to Charlie Sheen; they raked in a major profit when they sold their Trousdale Estates house to Saudi Prince Salman bin AbdulAziz; they owned in Bel air; and now they’re out of the Oak Pass road gated community in favor of Jessica Alba’s cash.

What’s next? Bird Streets? Brentwood? The flats of Beverly Hills?

C’est la vie. Honestly…

Mr. Medavoy’s agents: Jade Mills & Joyce Rey, Coldwell Banker
Ms. Alba’s agent: Mark Alba, Alba Realty

Yeah yeah, Yolanda is keenly aware that everyone else has already discussed this, but we just can’t resist putting our hard-earned two cents in on poor Demi Lovato’s unfortunate (and dirty!) residential situation.

A couple days ago, celebrity gossip juggernaut TMZ reported that Miss Lovato’s $8 million Hollywood Hills house was in danger of falling off a mountain. Literally. You see, the rains came and about 20 tons of dirt cascaded from the hillside directly above her house and completely buried the road out front. Worst case scenario, the hillside will continue to crumble and the residence above could either obliterate Miss Lovato’s or trigger a chain reaction landslide on her own property.

Apparently Miss Lovato hasn’t even moved in yet, which is kinda sad but also probably for the best. Although it doesn’t appear that the slide actually pummeled her own home, her driveway gate out front looks to be completely buried.

To be precise, the landslide comes courtesy of the large home directly above Miss Lovato’s property. According to records, that particular house is owned by elderly philanthropist/socialite Joni Smith, and Mrs. Smith was seen assessing the damage for herself following the incident.

The sorta-funny thing about all this that Yolanda had no clue that Miss Lovato owned an $8 million house in the Hollywood Hills. Somehow her purchase slipped right under our noses. But now that we go back and check property records, we see that a blind trust easily linked to Miss Lovato did, in fact, pay $8,300,000 for the house in question back in September (2016).

We were a bit surprised, to say the least. What?! Did anyone else think that Miss Lovato can afford an $8.3 million house?! We know we’re a bit outta the loop, but Yolanda was absolutely shocked that she has this much money. So we did what anyone else would do, we ran to Our Mama at Variety and bawled out some nonsense about “how the heck does this Demi chick afford a $8.3 million house???”

Our Mama spanked us hard and reminded us that Miss Lovato is a real, real successful young lady. A big ol’ star, in fact. “She’s been working since she came outta the womb” is the way Mama put it. Trufax.

After working her tot-sized behind off on Barney & Friends, Miss Lovato became nationally famous with her star role in the Disney film Camp Rock. Since then, she has recorded and released five studio albums, all of which debuted within the top 5 of the Billboard 200 chart. She also served as a judge on the X-Factor. On a more personal note, Miss Lovato has gained fame/notoriety for her relationships with Joe Jonas and bad boy Wilmer Valderrama as well as a highly-publicized stint in rehab.

Nowadays, in addition to her career accomplishments, Miss Lovato is known for her steadfast support of the LGBT community. She won the annual GLAAD Vanguard award in 2016 in recognition of her efforts.

Anyway, let’s take a quick look at the seriously expensive house, which has been flagged by the city of Los Angeles (for being unsafe to enter) until further notice.

Located at the very end of an ultra-thin dead-end street and perched high up above twisty Laurel Canyon, the contemporary three-story house was originally built in 1979 but obviously underwent a major renovation by developers who bought it in 2014 for just over $4 million and flipped it to Miss Lovato. There is 5,546-square-feet of living space and a total of 4 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms.

A look at aerial images of the slide area shows that the dirt actually piled down onto Miss Lovato’s next-door neighbor’s home, possibly damaging her front driveway gate in the process but otherwise leaving the actual house unscathed.

Grandly-scaled living spaces drink in the superb views with enormous disappearing walls of glass. The neutral colors and unfussy hardwood floors work well in here, Yolanda thinks. Nothing is distracting from that incredible view.

The kitchen is referred to as a “Lifestyle Center” in listing materials. In any case, it has — as you’d expect — every fancy appliance known to man. We like the teal cabinetry mixed with the marble countertops. And that’s perhaps one of the largest sink faucets Yolanda has ever laid eyes on.

The creature comforts continue to abound outdoors with a zero-edge swimming pool and spa, full grill and dining areas, and a cutesy gazebo at the far rear of the property whose view is unfortunately obscured by an ugly black fence.

The master suite is located on the second floor and features a king-size bed and an enormous sitting room with marble fireplace and views to the private balcony and the LA basin below. The bathroom has dual vanities, a standalone soaking tub, and a glass-enclosed shower.

Referred to in marketing materials as the “Upper Club Level”, the third floor appears to be one cathedral-sized room with an unfathomably huge sectional couch and an equally oversized flatscreen TV. A wall of glass disappears to grant access to the “Sky Lounge” roof terrace. Perfect for (sober) parties or watching fireworks. Or maybe seeing a neighbor’s home get buried under a few truckloads of dirt. Whatever floats your dinghy.

Unfortunately, all these amenities are currently wasted on Miss Lovato because the home has been red-tagged while inspectors and engineers assess the hillside above for the potential of future landslides. Meanwhile — according to Our Mama — Miss Lovato continues to reside in the guest house of the Sherman Oaks mini-compound that she generously bought for her family back in 2010. Nice lady.

Presumably Miss Lovato will stay holed up in her family’s Sherman Oaks home for the foreseeable future while she anxiously awaits news of her Hills home’s eventual destiny. From there, she’ll either attempt to flip the unlived-in property (at a loss) or maybe — if she’s really brave and the hill is “stabilized” — she will move on in.

But Miss Lovato, if you want Yolanda’s advice, stick it out for a couple more years in Sherman Oaks. Then sell the Hills place and move on. The public has a notoriously short memory and even though these incidents must be disclosed in a real estate transactions, a little landslide long ago won’t mean much to a buyer who dreams of owning a prime piece of property in Los Angeles, the land of endless sunshine (and drought!). So don’t let this little kerfuffle bring you down, k?

Listing agent: Ernie Carswell, Teles Properties
Miss Lovato’s agent: Sam Jacobson, Keller Williams Hollywood Hills

Some weeks ago, our longtime Romanian friend Vlad the Revealer at the Celebrity Address Aerial website queried Yolanda about the new owner of a gloriously secluded Malibu estate with a long history of celebrity ownership. Records reveal the home was sold last year (2016) for $6,200,000 to a mysterious blind trust.

The house, which we’ll choose to call a “Rustic Traditional” although that may not be a wholly accurate descriptor, sits high up in the mountains above the often traffic-choked Pacific Coast Highway and the big blue sea. It takes several minutes of driving and white-knuckling some hairpin turns up a long and twisty road to access this property, which is tucked away at the end of a narrow lane and secluded down a long driveway guarded by big gates. The house, however, has spectacular (if faraway) views of the ocean and the glorious sunsets for which Malibu is world-renowned.

All these features are perfect for a celebrity, of course.

The house was constructed in 1985, per permit records and listing information. By the late 1980s, property records indicate the parcel was owned by none other than Olivia Newton-John, she of the Grease legend. Not for lack of searching, but Yolanda is unsure whether Ms. Newton-John built the house herself or just bought it within a couple years after it was completed. Hmmm. We can’t find proof showing when she actually acquired the property, and it’s very frustrating to an OCD lass like Yolanda. Can anyone help? Bueller?!?!

In any case, Ms. Newton-John sold the house in November 1994 to married film producers Neal Marlens and Carol Black, who are the folks responsible for creating the 1980s hit sitcom The Wonder Years. After nearly a full decade of ownership, Mr. Marlens and Ms. Black sold the house in May 2004 for just under $5 million to Oscar-winning actress Sally Field.

In 2011, Ms. Field flipped the house for about $5.5 million to another couple named Michael Jones & Jennifer Johnston-Jones. Our Mr. Jones is the former CEO of that blessedly long-abandoned MySpace website. Ugh, what a hot mess that was. But nice house, Mr. Jones. And yes, it was the Johnston-Joneses who sold the house for $6,200,000 a few months ago to a secretive blind trust. So who could buyer be?!

Well, kiddies, this wasn’t an easy puzzle to piece together. But Yolanda finally did it and we’d like to announce that the new owner is a guy named James Gunn, who has a whole Malibu mountain-sized mound of money thanks to his role as screenwriter and director of Guardians of the Galaxy. 

But that’s not his only credit, of course. Mr. Gunn also wrote  Tromeo and Juliet, the Scooby-Doo movie and its sequel Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed, and 2004’s Dawn of the Dead. Mr. Gunn also wrote and directed the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, which is scheduled for release within the next couple months. If it performs anything like the original, which grossed over $770 million worldwide, Mr. Gunn will most assuredly become far more wildly rich than he already is.

Now, here’s the interesting thing. Mr. Gunn may be best-known to the general public not as a very rich blockbuster screenwriter but rather for his eight-year marriage to popular actress Jenna Fischer of The Office fame and fortune. The couple had no children and split in 2008, but have remained on very amicable terms. How many other divorced couples still regularly buy each other silly gifts and joke around on social media? Not many, we have to assume.

Nowadays, Mr. Gunn has been dating an actress named Jennifer Holland for over a year. Although we ain’t know either of them, the two are clearly like-minded in their love for animals of all sorts, as demonstrated by the photos they frequently share on Instagram with Mr. Gunn’s 369,000 followers and Miss Holland’s 22,000.

It’s a good thing, then, that Mr. Gunn chose this property, as it spans a generous 3.06 secluded acres that abuts many hundreds of acres of national parkland. Lots of space for all the domestic pets Mr. Gunn and Ms. Holland could desire. Just be careful not to let them too far out of sight — this area has coyotes, bears, maybe even mountain lions.

As for the house itself, it’s actually a compound with a main house, guest house, three-stall barn, and a greenhouse. All that adds up to 6,802-square-feet with a total of 5 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms.

The driveway gates lead up a long inclined driveway to a two-car garage. Due to the unusual angling of the house, the front door (or at least we think it’s the front door? is a bit of a walk from the motorcourt down a brick, trellis-covered pathway.

Things are bright and airy indoors, with the white decor set off by medium-brown hardwood floors. The front door opens to a spacious and fireplace-equipped great room, which connects to a living room with what looks to be a couple of leather-bound Arne Jacobsen Egg Chairs, which can easily cost more than your average gently-used Daewoo. Elsewhere in the home is an family room with yet another fireplace.

Connected to the living room is a rustic-luxe dining room with a (cement?) table that easily seats 12 next to a newly-remodeled kitchen with state-of-the-art appliances and fixtures.

Three of the main house’s four bedrooms are located downstairs, so the master suite takes up nearly the entirety of the second floor. As you’d expect, it’s celebrity-style gigantic with a vaulted-ceiling the bedroom, a sitting area, a combo library/private office, a large master bathroom, and a private outdoor balcony with an outdoor dining area plus a cutesy swingin’ bench that Yolanda just loves.

Lots of interesting rooms up in here.

The real beauty of the home, however, is in the outdoors. The acres of property include ancient oaks, sycamores, and eucalyptus trees. There’s a lighted tennis court and a brick-surrounded pool plus lots of green grass. Other not-so-common features include a big wooden bench (like the kind you might see in a public park), a children’s play area, and a wigwam that looks quite fancy, actually. Might be the Mercedes-Benz of wigwams.

Most interesting, however, is that the listing states that the property “generates over six figures in annual income from location shoots.” Yolanda is not sure if “over six figures” means seven or eight figures — or maybe the agents meant over $100,000? In any case, that sort of income should, at the very least, cover Mr. Gunn’s hefty property tax payments each and ever year.

But we digress.

Other than his big new Malibu house, Mr. Gunn seems to live fairly modestly. The only other property we are aware of him owning is his longtime residence in the celebrity-swarmed Studio City area of the San Fernando Valley. The 3,825-square-foot, two-story Traditional was purchased by Mr. Gunn and Jenna Fischer (his wife at the time) way back in July 2002 for $875,000. Following their 2008 divorce, records show Ms. Fischer quit-claimed her share of the property over to Mr. Gunn.

One more thing: despite his busy work schedule, Mr. Gunn found time to write a number of lengthy reviews on his Yelp page. Yes, Mr. Gunn is a Yelper and he left his two cents (or a bit more) on the pages of some local businesses, including Kazu, Daichan (which we also like), and Ink.

Yolanda is eagerly awaiting his take on Nobu Malibu, Geoffrey’s, Moonshadows and other hotspots near his lovely new home.

Listing agents: Madison Hildebrand & Jennifer Chrisman, Partners Trust Malibu
Mr. Gunn’s agent: Lou Woolf, Rodeo Realty

A friendly PR bunny hopped on by Yolanda’s email last week and let us know popular pop artist Donald Robertson (aka “Drawbertson”) was flipping his casually luxe home in the forever-posh seaside community of Montecito, CA with an asking price of $5,850,000.

Mr. Robertson may not be quite a household name in the vein of superstars like Banksy or Mr. Brainwash, but he’s got more than 184,000 followers on Instagram and a substantial celebrity following. His vivid depictions of popular figures have earned him praise and lucrative collaborations with high-end outlets like Bloomingdale’s and Bergdorf Goodman. And among his fans (and clients) are A-listers like Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kris Jenner, and Jessica Alba.

Originally built in 1926, the classically-Montecito Spanish-style estate has 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms in a commodious (but not overwhelmingly huge) 4,899-square-feet of living space and sits just a couple blocks from picturesque Miramar Beach. Records show Mr. Robertson paid $2,995,000 for the property in April 2015, which means he’s currently asking nearly double what he paid less than two years ago. Of course, Mr. Robertson has put substantial work into the property to justify the major price jump.

Sited on 1.3 flat acres, the estate was renovated with the assistance of designer Paul Fortune. According to the press release, Mr. Robertson and his wife Kimberly Gieske “have harmoniously modernized this 1920’s vintage Spanish Hedgerow estate creating the perfect symbiosis between classic architecture and luxe contemporary living.”

Listing photographs show the casually luxe spread has surprisingly (for a pop artist’s residence) pared-down decor sensibilities and color palettes. It’s practically minimalist, in fact. Although we feel like the kitchen floor would be better suited with some Spanish tiles or bricks rather than the mod-looking pattern it’s currently rockin’, we do quite like the house overall.

Naturally, the property is walled and gated for privacy, and Elizabeth Low is responsible for the lush yet unfussy landscaping.

Double the price might seem like a tall order, and Yolanda is not as familiar with the Montecito market as we are with LA’s. But a quick pricetag comparison with neighboring pads shows that Mr. Robertson’s house actually might not be overpriced. Last year, a significantly smaller house on a slightly smaller lot just one block away from Mr. Robertson’s property sold for $5,000,000.

Good luck with sale, Mr. Robertson. Now will you please send us one of your custom Birkins?! Pretty please? Just to borrow?

Listing agents: Rochelle Maize, Nourmand & Associates; Pippa Davis, Compass
Photographer: David Palmero 

His father is one of the biggest, baddest real estate ballers around. In particular, daddy dearest is known for his love of exorbitantly-expensive contemporary residences with spectacular views. So perhaps it’s not wholly surprising that the 28-year-old apple clearly does not fall far from the proverbial tree. Nick Gross, you see, has just purchased his very first house (that Yolanda knows of).

Long and lean just like his padre, young Mr. Gross is the only child of billionaire “Bond King” Bill Gross and his second wife Sue Frank (Bill Gross also has two older children from a prior marriage). As y’all may recall, Mr. & Mrs. Gross are getting a big fat divorce. Yolanda is unsure if this purchase has anything to do with the split, but we do know that young Mr. Gross just dumped $9,150,000 onto his very own house located in the hills just above the world-famous Sunset Strip. You can do things like that when your dad is worth $2.4 billion.

This acquisition is oddly timed, or at least it seems so to the ignorant Yolanda. The elder Mr. Gross — a frequent critic of President Trump — just publicly announced his prediction that the US economy is soon to enter another recession. So why would his son buy now, at a time when LA property values are at an all-time high?

Well, we don’t know the Grosses, so we can’t tell y’all the exact reason, but Yolanda does know that the family has (essentially) limitless cash and that a little recession ain’t even gonna make a dent in daddy’s bank account. Plus, real estate is generally a solid investment, bumps and lumps be damned.

On the surface, young Mr. Gross is a remarkably different fellow than his dear old dad. Scruffy-faced and heavily tattooed, he’s said publicly that he has no idea what a bond is — yes, the son of the “Bond King” dislikes bonds, apparently. Our Mr. Gross is the drummer for an alternative pop rock indie band called Open Air Stereo.

Mr. Gross is also the founder of a Hollywood-based company called STRZ Enterprises, which appears to be an independent music label slash recording studio. For its part, STRZ describes itself as “a fully integrated music entertainment company and creative studio in Los Angeles.” Well, alrighty then.

The house itself is all-new and is located above Sunset Plaza at the very end of a private driveway that’s shared with two other homes. In late 2012, the .45-acre property was sold for $2 million to a developer who took several years to spec-build the 4-bedroom, 7-bathroom contemporary confection that measures a big but not humongous 6,051-square-feet of (mostly) glass-enclosed living space.

The Range Rover and Mercedes-Benz-driving Mr. Gross will certainly appreciate two-car garage and ample off-street parking (the motor court can accommodate 10 vehicles).

Like many newer homes in this area, the house is big, glassy, shiny, sparkly.

Honed limestone tile floors lie underfoot inside, and Fleetwood glass walls disappear to effortlessly draw the outdoors inside and vice versa. The living room looks directly out to the pool area and beyond to the city below. The family room is decorated with a shag carpet and a lounge-style sectional couch. The theater comes with such necessities like a wet bar and an octagonal card table.

The living room merges with the formal dining room, which in turn is thoughtfully protected from the sights and smells of the kitchen via a big ol’ black wall. Naturally the kitchen is “gourmet” and ultra-contemporary with marble (?) countertops and pricey stainless appliances.

Just in case there was any doubt that this house was intended to be the ultimate bachelor pad, look no further than the master suite. The 2,000-square-foot space takes up a third of the house and the entire second floor!

The master bedroom has what appears to be an ebonized hardwood floor, a private den, a lounge area, the de rigueur fireplace, a bonus room (possibly a gym?) and “a full wall of powered glass doors opening to a huge balcony with both green hillside and city-lights views”, per the listing. Whew!

No less lavish is the master bathroom, with its acre-long vanity, glass-enclosed shower, trough-like soaking tub, and yet another private balcony.

Oh, and there’s also a gigantic walk-in closet that “you could park cars in,” again per the listing. We’re not sure why anyone would want a car parked in their closet (and it would have to be an oddly-shaped car, judging by the pic above). But y’all know rich folks can be a bit nutty that way.

Okay, the hillside vistas are lovely (especially when everything is green after a nice rain), but Yolanda is actually not thrilled with this view. Does that make us sound jaded? Sorry. We just know we’ve seen better. Homes in the Bird Streets (just around the corner) have a much more dramatic, jetliner sort of bird’s eye lookout.

Anyway, the backyard isn’t huge — the pool is actually quite tiny and there ain’t even a patch of grass — but it’s got an outdoor kitchen with “two kegs on tap”. So there’s that.

Some of young Mr. Gross’s new neighbors include Alex Rodriguez, Rob Thomas, and Harry Styles.

We won’t digress too far at this point because we’ve reviewed the following on several occasions, but Mr. Gross’s pops maintains a stable of luxury California properties that are aptly suited to his 10-figure bank account. First off, there’s the Gross family compound in the post guard-gated community of Irvine Cove in Laguna Beach (CA), which is actually comprised of three different mansions.

Then there’s the family’s longtime Palm Desert vacation home in Indian Wells (CA), which overlooks the hoity-toity Vintage Club golf course. That’s also a contemporary, flat-roofed affair.

At one time, Mr. Gross also owned mega-million-dollar properties in Newport Beach (CA) and Pebble Beach (CA), but those have been sold off in recent years. Thus, the only other residence we are aware of him still owning is the Jennifer Aniston-remodeled house on super-prime Hillcrest Road in Beverly Hills’ outrageously expensive Trousdale Estates neighborhood. Called Ohana, it measures more than 10,000 square feet and lies up a private driveway that’s shared with one other house.

Mr. Gross shook the Platinum Triangle real estate community to its core when he slammed down a faint-worthy $35,000,000 for Ohana in 2011. We’re not sure what will happen to this stylish house (or his other residences) now that he’s getting a contentious divorce from his longtime wife, but Yolanda has a sneaking suspicious that the BH crib will be sold off to a new baby. Call it a hunch.

But we shall see. Yes, we shall see…

Listing agent: Neil Gitnick
Mr. Gross’s agent: Josh Flagg, Rodeo Realty

On this blog Yolanda gabs about two types of people, generally speaking: rich folks and really rich folks. And airport stores heiress turned fashion designer Alexandra von Furstenberg most assuredly falls into the latter category.

Ms. von Furstenberg — born Alexandra Miller — famously married into royalty in 1995, when she hitched her wealthy wagon to Prince Alexander von Furstenberg, the son of fashion icon Diane von Furstenberg and Prince Egor von Furstenberg. Though the couple amicably divorced long ago (in 2002) and Ms. von Furstenberg recently married her longtime beau Dax Miller, she retains her ex-hubby’s surname and continues to work for her ex-mother-in-law’s fashion group.

Ms. von Furstenberg — a furniture designer by trade — also owns her own eponymous LA-based store, where she peddles modern acrylic furniture pieces that range from a $26,000 Bullet Acrylic Coffee Table to a $425 cherry red candy bowl and lots of other unusual stuff in between.

But Ms. von Furstenberg did not need a royal husband or pricey furniture to make her a very rich woman. Oh no. She was already phenomenally wealthy as one of the three daughters of American-born British multi-billionaire Robert Warren Miller, who made his $2.6 billion fortune primarily by building the Duty Free (DFS) airport shops empire.

Mr. Miller is internationally best-known, however, for his three very famous socialite daughters, all of whom married extraordinarily well. The trio are collectively known as the Miller sisters. We’ve already told you about his youngest, Ms. von Furstenberg — whose real estate we shall discuss today — but there’s also his eldest, Pia Getty, who married (and divorced) Christopher Getty, an heir to the multi-billion-dollar Getty Oil empire. And then there’s Mr. Miller’s middle daughter, Marie-Chantal, Crown Princess of Greece, who is currently the wife of Crown Prince Pavlos, son of the the last King of Greece.

But Ms. von Furstenberg is the only one of the three sisters who resides primarily in Los Angeles, so naturally she is the one we are most interested in and it is she whom we shall discuss today.

Back in early 2012, a wealthy but low-profile Hidden Hills-based couple named Gary & Gilena Simons paid an even-steven $10 million for a shack on a 1-acre flat (and prime) piece of blufftop land located on the famously celebrity-swarmed Point Dume neighborhood of Malibu.

The couple appear to have renovated the existing cottage and changed up the landscaping a bit, but even so they must’ve made a bundle last month (January 2017) when they flipped the property for $16,000,000 to a corporate entity front for Ms. von Furstenberg.

The house is located on what is probably one of the two best streets on Point Dume, on top of the cliffs and directly overlooking the sea. An unpretentious wooden gate swings open to a dirt (!!) driveway that leads directly to an olive green garage door attached to a shockingly modest house. Looks like something you might find out in a unswanky corner of Simi Valley, don’t it? (No offense to any Simi Valleyans here).

We get the look that the decor is aiming for — sort of a hippie-dippie free-spirited non-conformist holistic silly beach vibe — but it just ain’t working for Yolanda. Especially that Joseph’s-couch-of-many-colors. And that rather hideous dining table set. Egads.

But the kitchen has all top-grade appliances and there’s a cute little table outside.

The 2,273-square-foot structure has three bedrooms. There are two nearly identical “masters”, each with hardwood floors and glass slider doors. Yolanda spies a bidet.

The third bedroom has a kid-friendly bunk bed setup and about a million photographs on the walls. After all these spec-mansions Yolanda has been featuring on this blog in recent weeks, it’s sorta nice to see a house that actually looks lived-in.

Perhaps the property’s most unusual feature is the detached “air conditioned casita” in the front yard. It looks just big enough to accommodate a couple chairs, and Yolanda can’t fathom why someone would rather sit here with a view of the dirt driveway rather than out back with a view of the ocean.

In addition to the sizable plot of land, the $16 million value is all in this cliffside view of the ocean. Although the house has no direct beach access, listing information does note that it carries a coveted Riviera 3 beach key, which allows the use of a private entrance to all-but-private Little Dume Beach.

As y’all can tell from the listing photos, this place is very modest. In fact, it’s so modest that Yolanda finds it impossible to believe that the high-falutin’ Ms. von Furstenberg will be bunking up here and cooling off in the air-conditioned casita. Maybe we’re wrong, but we just cannot picture her up in here.

No, Yolanda suspect Ms. von Furstenberg’s $16 million purchase was for land value only. In due time, you’ll see, the dump trucks will roll up to Point Dume and haul away the remnants of this 1966 shack. From the ashes will rise a much grander structure. Ms. von Furstenberg will build a palace that pays proper homage to her family’s multi-billion-dollar bank account.

And it wouldn’t be her first time.

A couple years ago, Ms. von Furstenberg — and her hubby Dax Miller — finished putting their finishing touches on her custom built, 18,000-square-foot mansion that is located on what is often considered to be most expensive street in all of Los Angeles: South Mapleton Drive in the heart of the Holmby Hills neighborhood.

Designed by Mr. Miller’s Dax Design firm, the all-white contemporary beast has a classic H-shaped symmetrical layout and walls of glass that disappear or swing open to the backyard, with its views over the tony Los Angeles Country Club. White oak floors run throughout the house, there’s a double-height great room, a massive library with gold leaf-backed bookshelves, an outdoor kitchen with a pizza oven, a gourmet kitchen with Wolf, SubZero and Miele appliances, and a full-blown art gallery with name-brand pieces.

More photographs are available on the Architectural Digest website or on the Dax Design site. Oh, and the couple were married inside the house back in summer 2015.

The house is located just two doors away from the Manor, the gigantic Holmby Hills estate that Candy Spelling sold to fellow billionaire heiress Petra Ecclestone for $85 million in 2011. A couple doors in the other direction is the Playboy Mansion, which was, of course, famously just sold for $100 million to billionaire heir Daren Metropoulos. Other homeowners on the same street include construction heiress Kristin Tutor Eberts, Obama’s White House decorator Michael S. Smith, Google gigolo Eric Schmidt, Facebook trillionaire Sean Parker, Beats baller Jimmy Iovine, iconic restaurateur Michael Chow (that’s Mr. Chow to us peons), acclaimed director Sir Ridley Scott, private equity pasha Justin Chang and his wife Amanda Brown (she wrote Legally Blonde), Jordanian billionaire Hasan Ismaik, vodka and music mogul P. Diddy, former Paramount Pictures CEO Frank Mancuso Sr., big businessman Marc Nathanson, and hedge fund honcho David Kaplan.

One more thing: the couple that sold Ms. von Furstenberg her $16 million Malibu cottage — Gary & Gilena Simons — are not downsizing. Instead, just two days after that deal closed, they ponied up a baller-style $20,000,000 for a 6,000-square-foot Mediterranean mansion located on what is often considered to be the best oceanfront section of coveted Malibu Road.

For what it’s worth, Ms. von Furstenberg’s ex-hubby and the father of her two teenage children — Prince Alexander von Furstenberg — currently resides in the celebrity-infested Beverly Park gated community above Beverly Hills, in a house that he bought from Bond girl Luciana Paluzzi and her husband Michael Solomon.

The Prince’s fortune reportedly does not derive mainly from his royal roots, however. You see, his mother — fashion icon Diane von Furstenberg — is married to multi-billionaire media magnate Barry Diller, who has no children of his own and reportedly plans to will his fortune over to Prince and Princess von Furstenberg upon his death.

See what we mean when we say these von Furstenberg people are really rich?

Listing & Selling Agent: Chris Cortazzo, Coldwell Banker

One thing we love about the Hollywood Hills is the proliferation of unique and idiosyncratic homes everywhere. Go for a drive on Mulholland or down Laurel Canyon and on every wee side street there’s liable to be a random architectural gem hidden behind hedges and gates. So when our friend Vlad the Revealer at Celebrity Address Aerial queried us about the new owner of a cool Paul Williams design with a lengthy celebrity pedigree, Yolanda naturally started frothing at the mouth.

Turns out the buyer (who acquired title behind a blind trust) is a dude named Tony Cavalero. We swear that we’ve never previously heard of Mr. Cavalero — no shade — but he’s an actor-slash-comedian who currently stars in the Nickelodeon series School of Rock. He’s also married to a actress lass named Annie Cavalero. Both are members of the LA-based sketch comedy group The Groundlings.

As for the house, it’s located just off a busy street and just a couple hundred feet from the ever-packed 101 freeway, on a perfectly triangle-shaped property that is surrounded by roadway on all sides. Yikes!

Fortunately, the 1-acre estate is also ringed with a thick layer of dense foliage that effectively shields the multi-million-dollar premises from any of those untoward sights and smells. For the record, Mr. Cavalero paid $2,730,000 for the house.

A sweet Paul Williams is always fun, but a sweet celebrity-pedigreed Paul Williams is always preferable. And this house does not disappoint. For many years, according to the listing and other online resources, the home was the main residence of acting legend Marlon Brando. It later became — of all perennially LA stereotypical things — a celebrity yoga center, and it was also owned and/or leased by other famous (deceased) folks like David Carradine, Barbara Hershey, and Frank Zappa.

That’s all well and good, but the celebrity provenance on this place is a wee bit faded. As best as Yolanda can tell, it hasn’t had a famous owner in more than 20 years, although it has changed hands several times. Perhaps that is due to it being a little too exposed for most celebs, despite it being completely walled and gated.  But we digress.

Like a proper estate should, the property boasts a double-gated motor court around front. The two-car garage is discreetly located around back and is a bit of a trek from the main house.

The house clearly went through at least one remodel in the past 20 years, and we’re not fans of the dated kitchen or the very staged-looking decor. But the good bones are clearly present — we love the sunroom — and there are decadent hardwood floors in nearly every room.

Listing information does not indicate the 1939 home’s total square footage, but public records put it at spacious but definitely not massive 3,653-square-feet. There are six bedrooms — four on the main floor, two guest suites on the lower level — and five bathrooms. The master suite has a surprsingly large outdoor balcony and overlooks the lush backyard. The master bathroom is puny by today’s outsized crapper standards, but it has a classic black-and-white checkerboard floor to distract from the size.

Grounds are elegant and totally private, with a ring of palm trees encircling an old-Hollywood-style pool and a large concrete terrace. In this or that part of the backyard are — per the listing — two lawns, a bamboo forest, and a sports court.

Mr. & Mrs. Cavalero previously resided in the nearby Laurel Canyon area of the Hollywood Hills, where they have been trying to sell their petite pad for nearly a year.

On the market since June 2016 and brazenly marketed as “Celebrity-owned”, the Mid-Century Modern is currently listed with an asking price of $1,250,000. Listing details show it is currently in escrow with an unknown buyer at an unknown price — but it’s still “Accepting Backup Offers“, so move quickly.

Listing agent: Joseph Babajian, Rodeo Realty
Mr. & Mrs. Cavalero’s agent: Marko Babineau, Gibson International

Yolanda was gonna write about a bunch of fun stuff this weekend, but it was so beautiful outside that we just couldn’t concentrate. Yep, we didn’t get a thing done and we don’t regret it one bit. Except the part where we’re now playing catch-up with all the other big real estate happenings going on. C’est la vie.

Anyway, we thought we’d start off the week with some real estate porn, as Our Mama would say. A lovely French lass named Cashmé Oussidé wrote in and pointed us to photographs of an incredible Holmby Hills home designed by justifiably lauded architect Roland Coate way back in 1928. In the 1950s, the property would be overhauled by similarly-lauded actor-turned-designer Billy Haines.

Located on 2+ acres of hoity-toity Delfern Drive land, the main house packs in suitably large 9,680-square-feet of living space. There is a guest house and a picturesque mid-century pool house, a total of nine bedrooms, a wood-paneled library, billiards room, caterer’s kitchen with staff dining room, formal and informal dining rooms, swimming pool, rose garden, championship tennis court, formal motor court(s) for twenty-five cars, ten-car covered parking spaces. All per the listing, natch.

We’ve written about this estate at least a couple times before, of course. It was the sixth-biggest sale in all of LA County last year (2016) and made all the headlines when the $38,750,000 buyer was revealed to be fashion mega-mogul Tom Ford. The sellers, of course, were the adult children of recently-deceased socialite and international fashion icon Betsy Bloomingdale, who resided in the home for even more decades than Yolanda’s number of ex-husbands.

Anyway, Yolanda has seen photographs of the home’s exterior and grounds, but we’ve never gotten an extended glimpse indoors before today. So thanks, Ms. Oussidé. And if these photos have already been published in any of our contemporaries’ publications, we do apologize and beg forgiveness. Not for lack of lookin’, but we couldn’t find them anywhere else.

Oh, and the house looks exactly how Yolanda would expect. Old fashioned, comfortable, elegant. Brimming with class and old money-style luxury.

Happy Monday, y’all.

Besides all the celebrity residents, the Hollywood Hills is perhaps best-known for its proliferation of expensive homes that are perched on often-extraordinarily stingy lots. The vast majority of residences sit right up on top of the street. Either that or they’re dangerously perched on top of cliffs, as Demi Lovato recently discovered. Space is very limited.

Of course, there are a few big exceptions. One of the most notable, perhaps, is the house we shall discuss today. Located just a 5-minute walk from the world-famous Sunset Strip, the walled-and-gated compound sits on a 1.12-acre parcel, nearly all of which is usable (nearly unheard-of for this area) and packs in a total of 13,000-square-feet spread out among at least three structures.

Built in 2013 by local developers and designed by Hagy Belzberg, the contemporary casa was famously featured in a widely broadcast (and widely panned) Cadillac advertisement that was originally intended to promote their low-selling ELR plug-in hybrid coupe but instead attracted a huge amount of interest in the house.

Anyway, after more than a year on and off the market, the house was sold in September 2014 for $23,980,000 to a powerful Indonesian businessman named Aburizal Bakrie. Our Mr. Bakrie heads up the Bakrie Group — a family-owned conglomerate with interests in mining, real estate, banking, agriculture, insurance and manufacturing. And while we’re not sure how rich he is today, back in 2011 Mr. Bakrie was ranked by the fine folks as Forbes as the 30th richest person in Indonesia, with a net worth of $890 million USD. Despite his vast wealth, we don’t believe Mr. Bakrie or his family ever actually got to enjoy their impressive new house — we’ve heard they never actually moved into the house. Instead, the property was leased out for a time to some fellow whose name slips Yolanda’s mind.

Earlier this month (February 2017) the property somewhat surprisingly transferred again for $24,000,000. If you’re keeping track, that’s a meager $20,000 more than what it sold for 2.5 years ago, meaning that Mr. Bakrie undoubtedly lost money on the place after taxes, closing costs and other assorted fees are taken into consideration, but before accounting for rental income and currency exchange rates.

Still, the $24 million sale price is the most ever paid for a home in the Sunset Plaza neighborhood and quite possibly the most ever paid for a house in the Hollywood Hills that is not located in the coveted Bird Streets area.

The lucky new owner is a Thai billionaire fellow named Chanchai Ruayrungruang, who was recently listed by Forbes as having a net worth of $2.9 billion. And luckily for Yolanda’s fingers, Mr. Ruayrungruang was born in China, so he also has a Chinese name: Yan Bin. So we shall call him Mr. Yan from here on out. Okay? Okay.

How did Mr. Yan get so rich? Initially, it was reportedly through his licensing of the Red Bull energy drink. Mr. Yan reportedly holds exclusive rights to sell the highly-popular caffeine concoction in China. That wealth afforded him the ability to build his international conglomerate Reignwood Group, which has invested in real estate all over the world.

So we’ve gathered, this $24 million Sunset Strip house was acquired primarily as a part-time residence not for Mr. Yan himself but rather for his 26-year-old daughter Woraphanit Ruayrungruang.

If the fact that this 26-year-old lass commands her own $24 million Hollywood Hills estate doesn’t clue you into the fact that Miss Ruayrungruang’s life is quite charmed, maybe some of the photographs she routinely shares on social media will. She’s met President Trump — her father is reportedly good friends with the Prez — and has posted a photograph of herself testing out a $2 million Bugatti Veyon at the local Beverly Hills dealer.

And as also seen on Miss Ruayrungruang’s social media accounts, she has already moved into her new Sunset Strip estate and very quickly set up shop in an A-list spender-style way.

Yes, our Miss Ruayrungruang is quire the real estate and auto baller. In her driveway (and peeking out of her garage) we count no fewer than six luxury rides, most all of which cost hundreds of thousands of dollars apiece.

— White Bentley Bentayga (base price: $229,100)
— Black Bentley Bentayga (base price: $229,100)
— Red Bentley Continental GTC (base price: $221,125)
— White Rolls Royce Ghost (base price: $295,850)
— Blue Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead (base price: $492,000)
— Maroon Maserati GranTurismo (base price: $132,825)

That’s at least $1.7 million in luxury rides sitting in Miss Ruayrungruang’s $24 million driveway. Not bad, eh? Well, except for that bug-eyed Bentley SUV. Look, kids, we know looks are subjective, but that Bentayga is one ugly critter. But then again, we digress.

Like any proper estate should be, the home is accessed via an imposing front gate (this one appears to be hewn from redwood slats or some such exotic nonsense). The motorcourt is enormous and capable of holding 30 or more of Miss Ruayrungruang’s luxury rides.

As previously mentioned, there are three distinct structures within the gates: “a Main Residence, Wellness Center and a Guest House,” according to past listings. the main house includes a formal dining room with fireplace and vaulted ceiling. Then there’s a crisply modern kitchen with two center islands and all the high-tech appliances. Somewhere there’s a glass winecloset with bottles suspended in mid-air.

Lounge, lounge, lounge and more lounges. Given that the property is so close to the Sunset Strip at the base of the Hollywood Hills, it doesn’t have the dramatic jetliner views that homes in the Bird Streets area up the hill possess. But rooms on the upper floors do have decent vistas.

There are 8 bedrooms and 8.5 bathrooms spread throughout the three structures. Oh, and the wellness center is really just a swanky detached glass-walled gym, kinda like your at-home Equinox.

Naturally there’s an infinity pool and plenty of outdoor terraces and grassy lawns. Lots of room for entertaining or sunbathing or hosting a future Trump fundraiser! You never know.

But wait! This ain’t Mr. Yan’s only $20 million LA crib.

Back in March 2015, Mr. Yan paid an even-steven $20,000,000 for a Paul McClean-designed “contemporary masterpiece” located at 1620 Carla Ridge in the super-prime Trousdale Estates neighborhood of Beverly Hills. The house was sold by who else? LA’s #1 spec-mega-mansion developer Nile Niami.

Like the Sunset Strip home, the Trousdale property was bought primarily to house Mr. Yan’s daughter — Miss Ruayrungruang — on a part-time basis. She must’ve quickly tired of it, though, because she flipped it back on the market for $26 million in November 2016. The house remains listed and unsold, although Miss Ruayrungruang has already decamped to her bigger and better Sunset Strip pad.

As for Mr. Bakrie, he resides primarily in Indonesia but he’s also got another estate in LA besides the one he just sold to Mr. Yan. Back in 2010, he paid $13,000,000 through something called “Ridgedale Ventures LLC” for a big ol’ house located on one of the best streets in Beverly Hills, right where the neighborhood turns into the even swankier Holmby Hills ‘hood. Our Mr. Bakrie has extensively renovated this property and it reportedly functions as the Bakrie family’s LA outpost whenever they are in town, doing whatever it is they do here.

Some of Mr. Bakrie’s nearest neighbors in Beverly Hills include super-lawyer/investor Stuart Liner, restaurant guru Peter Morton, and Symantec CEO Greg Clark.

We’re barely six weeks into 2017 and already there have been nigh on 10 Los Angeles residential deals of $20 million or more, which has gotta be a record of some sort. All signs point to this being a banner year for high-end real estate agents. Well, good for y’all!

As everyone from coast to coast and sea to sea should already know, the record for biggest sale ever in Los Angeles County was broken last year by 32-year-old Daren Metropoulos, the younger son of billionaire Dean Metropoulos, who built his fortune through acquiring and revitalizing struggling consumer brands like Twinkies and Pabst beer. Young Mr. Metropoulos paid $100 million for the Playboy Mansion, that STD-infested (probably!) dump in Holmby Hills. Oh, and the crypt keeper came with the house! What a deal.

Anyway, Mr. Metropoulos’s older brother Evan must’ve felt a little left out by all the high-flyin’ real estate action. Maybe he shouted”Well, I never!” and spun on his Ferragamo-clad heel as he strode out of his Sierra Towers penthouse while his Ecuadorian maid Guadalupe rolled her eyes in disgust. Okay, maybe that’s just what Yolanda would’ve done.

According to the Wall Street Journal, our Mr. Metropoulos has fired his opening shot in the real estate brotherly battle royale by inking a deal to pay a silly $65,000,000 for a very, very well-known house at the end of what is often considered to be the best street/cul-de-sac in the swanky Trousdale Estates area of Beverly Hills.

The house in question has some of the best views of any property in LA. We’re just gonna throw that out there. And it sits on 2.09 acres of land, nearly all of which is usable – that’s a rarity up in these hills. It’s also a massive mansion, 18,000-square-feet with 7 bedrooms and 10 bathrooms.

And if all that wasn’t glam enough for y’all, it’s also got a real damn celebrity pedigree. The house, you see, was constructed way back in 1970 for none other than Make Room for Daddy‘s Danny Thomas, who lived in the structure for decades. In 1980, Mr. Thomas’s daughter — That Girl‘s Marlo Thomas — was married to Phil Donahue on the estate. Then Mr. Thomas died in 1991, and his heirs eventually sold the property in October 2000 for $15,000,000 to Lebanese-Nigerian multi-billionaire Gilbert Chagoury. (Mr. Thomas was also of Lebanese descent, for whatever that’s worth).

Mr. Chagoury is perhaps best-known here in the states for his longtime association/friendship with the Clintons and their controversial charitable foundation. There’s also some sort of suspicion — or maybe it’s a conspiracy — that Mr. Chagoury is a shady fellow. In 2015, he was even denied entry to the US on account of his relationship to a Lebanese group/organization with alleged terror ties. But we digress, per usual.

So, a huge mansion on a sensationally stunning promontory with views overlooking the entire LA basin and the Pacific Ocean. And it’s smack-dab in one of LA’s best neighborhoods. What could be better, right?

Well, every rose has its thorn. For starters, the house is ugly. Straight up ugly. Fugly, even.

Listen, kiddies, we know beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, but this place is just nonredeemable. And we’re just talking about the exterior. Don’t even get us started on the inside. Even Liberace would’ve given it a thumbs down. Seriously, it’s hideous. Yolanda knows it and y’all do, too. And so does Mr. Metropoulos, who we are quite certain will be knocking this place down to the ground and building anew.

While it may not exactly fit our definition of pretty, it is certainly somethin’. Ain’t it?

$65 million just for two acres of land may seem like an outrageous sum — and it is — but that reported sale price is actually less than half of the ludicrous $135 million that Mr. Chagoury was publicly requesting for the property’s deed just a few months ago. But in case anyone was wondering, Yolanda still thinks the property is way overpriced. Even though Trousdale Estates is hotter than ever, that number is just ridiculous. It’s the second-biggest transaction in Beverly Hills ever, coming just behind the highly-publicized $70 million sale of the home next door a couple years ago.

More on that transaction in a moment.

Mr. Metropoulos currently resides just down the street from his new Trousdale Estates mega-mansion. In the legendary Sierra Towers building, he owns no fewer than (get this!) five unique units. And naturally, Mr. Metropoulos owns both penthouse units, one of which was acquired in 2012 for $10,000,000. The second was snapped up for an astonishing $17,500,000 in 2014, a building record. Our research shows Mr. Metropoulos also owns three small guest/staff units on the sixth floor.

From his penthouse, Mr. Metropoulos has a bird’s eye view onto his big estate, so he can survey all the forthcoming construction from the comfort of his own living room. Baller!

As for his new Trousdale neighbors, Mr. Metropoulos will be having tea with hedge funder David Kabiller, Egyptian businessman Hamed El Chiaty (who owns the old Elvis Presley house next door), and Swedish video game billionaire Markus Persson, who bought that $70 million spec mansion we were just gossiping about.

Just FYI, we’ve heard through the gossip grapevine that Mr. Persson is fit to be tied over his shiny new house up in Trousdale Estates, which apparently isn’t so shiny anymore. Our Mama has whispered that the build quality ain’t up to his standards and that he has already filed or is considering a lawsuit against Bruce Makowsky (the developer) and/or the real estate agents involved in the transaction. Allegedly, there was some sort of collusion going on that drove the price up to an unnaturally-high $70 million. In reality, Mr. Persson now realizes (allegedly) that his big house is worth no more than $50 million on an excellent day. And that’s the damn truth.

Just a bit of rumor and gossip…

Listing agent: Aaron Kirman, John Aaroe Group

A gentle old soul like Yolanda knows precious little about sports — professional or otherwise — but even we know that the world of pro boxing can be a highly lucrative — ahem — “arena”. It’s almost unfathomable to us how people like Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather have tens of millions from bashing other folks’ faces in, but that’s America for y’all. And we love it nonetheless. There’s so many roads to wealth in the good ol’ US of A.

33-year-old bachelor Andre Mike Berto may not be quite as well-known as Manny or Money, but he nonetheless was once the world WBC Welterweight champion (until his 2011 defeat courtesy of Victor Ortiz). He’s also got more than 156,000 followers on Instagram and has apparently been in enough bloody brawls to stockpile a $6,620,000 wad of cash. We know that because he just dumped that much on a brand-new contemporary house located in a prime area of Beverly Hills.

To be precise, the property is located in the foothills — several blocks north of Sunset and tucked in between Coldwater and Benedict canyons. The house also has the luxury (if that’s how you look at it) of having some very rich and powerful new neighbors. Just a few doors up the street is the massive Pickfair estate, currently owned by Korea-born businessman Corry Hong. Next door to that is another huge house that billionaire Alki David sold to ex-con Victorino Noval for a whopping $24,950,000 last month. And directly across the street from Pickfair is a two-mansion compound owned by billionaire Elaine Wynn.

Crafted by Bravia Design, Mr. Berto’s new pad includes a large (but not humongous) 4,922-square-feet of living space with an ample 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms. Things are as you might expect indoors: expensive-looking hardwood floors, LED recessed ceiling lighting, smart home technology, top-of-the-line appliances, and disappearing glass doors/walls. And all this on a .33-acre parcel.

Perhaps the most striking feature of the property is the mammoth kitchen, which seems to stretch on endlessly  and includes slim skylights and swanky Miele gadgets.

The master bedroom has hardwood floors and a private balcony overlooking a small slice of Beverly’s rolling hills. We’re not fond of the overly stark bathroom with its slim counter space and the tub wedged bizarrely between the two vanities.

There are lots of classically outdoor/indoor blended spaces like covered patios and rooms with walls of glass. Plenty of room here for entertaining or a friendly family fistfight.

The home’s exterior is very contemporary in that very forgettable way. Blah. Although it ain’t huge, the backyard does have a patch of grass and a rectangular pool.

Now, professional sports stars often have a rep for making poor financial decisions. But our Mr. Berto did indeed buck the trend with this purchase, or so it would seem. You see, although the $6,620,000 sale price may seem like a huge amount of money — and it is — it’s actually more than $3 million less than the $9,750,000 that the seller originally wanted for the house back in February (2016). After more than a year on the market, a brokerage change and multiple pricechops, along came our Haiti-connected buyer.

So either Mr. Berto got a great deal or the house was almost ludicrously overpriced, eh?

Although he’s playing in the big real estate leagues in Beverly Hills, Mr. Berto appears to keep things almost shockingly modest in his sunshine-y home state of Florida. His main residence is a 2,874-square-foot house in the not-quite-fancy town of Winter Haven. The property is located on an unassuming cul-de-sac in a gated community, and records show Mr. Berto paid $340,000 for the premises back in 2006. Low as that price point may seem, he must’ve still overpaid because Yolanda dug up evidence that the house was on the open market last year with an asking price of just $274,000. And it does not appear to have sold.

And what guy doesn’t love his mama? Mr. Berto sure does. On Mother’s Day 2016, he presented his mama with something a little different than the typical red rose bouquet — a $1+ million dollar home (also in Winter Haven).

Home sweet (!) home.

Listing agent: Blair Chang, The Agency